Discover the power of divine feminine energy to attract soulmate love- WHOLE-HEARTED-Clair Summer

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Copyright © 2019 by Clair Summer 
 
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or 
transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other 
electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written consent of the author, except in 
the case of non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, 
contact the author through the website below. 
 
 
 
Attract Soulmate Love 
 
Contents 
 
 Introduction ……………………………………………………. 1 
1. Feminine Energy ……………………………………………… 4 
2. The Attraction Factor ………………………………………. 14 
3. Feminine Energy Dating …………………………………… 27 
4. Communicating with your man ………………………… 44 
5. Goddess…………………………………………………………… 58 
6. Finding the love within ……………………………………. 71 
7. Manifest your man ………………………………………….. 88 
8. The Commitment Connection ………………………….. 99 
 Conclusion ……………………………………………………… 108 
 Resources .……………………………………………………… 111 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
1 
 
 
 
Attract Soulmate Love 
 
 
Manifest your soulmate using feminine energy 
 
 
Welcome. I am so happy that you have decided to join me on this journey towards 
attracting your soulmate. There really is somebody for everybody. For every woman, 
there is a man who is her perfect match. In many ancient cultures, it is believed that a 
person’s soulmate is agreed upon before birth; destined to meet in life and support each 
other on their journey towards enlightenment. If you are struggling in love, then this 
book will show you not only how to find love, but how to connect with your beloved, the 
man who is destined to be your true love. 
 
If you are searching for love, then it will be the case that your soulmate will be 
searching for you also. However, you may not have met each other yet and you may 
never meet until you are both at the same vibrational frequency and in an energetic 
space where you are able to magnetically attract one another. But please don’t worry. 
Raising your vibration to be an energetic match to your soulmate is simple, and this 
book will guide you, step by step, into the arms of the man of your dreams. As you work 
on your own blocks to love, there is an energetic ripple effect which will affect your 
beloved simultaneously so that, wherever he is in the world, he will begin his own 
healing journey. This will result in two beings who are in perfect and harmonious 
vibrational energy who are ready to be brought together in the material world by 
Universal Love. 
 
The path to your soulmate explored in this book uses your innate feminine energy to 
help to guide you towards your man. You may not be familiar with feminine energy but 
in the next few chapters I will help you to identify when you are expressing your own 
feminine energy and how you can amplify it to become magnetically attractive to your 
man. Before I learned to harness my own feminine energy, I would only attract men who 
were far from my ideal match, let alone my soulmate. But as I turned it around and 
embraced my natural feminine power, my soulmate appeared in my life within a month 
and, as I write this, I am happy to say that my husband and I have now been together for 
ten very happy years. It was almost magical. It is my wish for you to manifest your 
beloved to share your life with; a man who will give you everything you dream of, 
commitment, loyalty, affection and love. 
 
If you feel anxious and insecure about relationships or distrustful of men, then it is 
my aim to show you how to move towards a place where you feel completely relaxed, 
confident and secure. When you make this simple shift within yourself then you will 
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start to attract all types of amazing men who are willing and able to have the real 
relationship that you are looking for; the first step towards finding your soulmate. This 
journey is not for the faint of heart. To look deeply at our true selves can be a triggering 
process. It is not always comfortable, but it is worthwhile. I want you to know that I am 
here for you, supporting you in your exploration and discoveries as are all the other 
women who undertake this work alongside you. As you move forward, know that you are 
safe. We are all here for a reason, and contrary to popular belief it isn’t to buy a fancy car 
or a lot of designer handbags (although this is nice). We are here to learn the lessons 
associated with being in the 3D world and to explore love and all its facets. This is what 
gives our lives meaning and connects us to each other and to our true selves. 
 
The energy of love is all around us, all the time. Most of us say that we would give 
anything to have it, and yet most of us are unconsciously pushing love away. No matter 
how much we think about love or meeting our soulmate, we are all held back by our past 
conditioning and beliefs. We are chained to old patterns and this only gives us the same 
old results. I want to help you to remove all the things that are blocking love from 
coming your way and give you the secrets to magnetizing your man, so that he will be 
drawn to you like a moth to a flame. 
 
There is a chasm between wanting to find your soulmate and being truly available 
for the experience when he appears. Wanting something really badly isn’t enough to 
make it happen in reality. We all want things; a vacation in paradise, a luxury car, a 
million dollars, to have a baby or to meet The One, but we don’t necessarily get them. 
However, your desires are powerful and by setting a clear intention to find your beloved, 
and by committing to dissolve all the blocks within yourself that are preventing you 
from meeting him, you will find the perfect love you envisage. In this book we will look 
at all the ways you can make positive changes, both spiritually and physically, which will 
make you magnetic to your perfect match. The very fact you have picked up this book 
shows you are ready to make a big change in your life. 
 
You now find yourself at a fork in the road of your life. If you keep on doing what 
you are doing, then you will keep on getting what you are getting. This is where the first 
road will take you - this is the road which looks familiar and feels safe. You know what to 
expect when you travel down the first road, all the way to more disappointment in love. 
The second road is unfamiliar territory and the terrain may sometimes feel arduous. 
However, this road leads to a new and beautiful landscape where you can be free of the 
past and which will ultimately lead you to meeting your soulmate. This is the journey 
that this book will take you on. In these pages, I will show you how to set a clear 
intention for meeting your soulmate, how to dissolve all blocks to love and how to 
express and communicate with your powerful and unique feminine energy to attract a 
high-value, masculine man. And how, essentially, to radiate confidence and feel like a 
goddess. 
 
3 
 
No matter how painful and disappointing love has been for you in the past, you can 
turn over a new leaf and discover the path where you will discover the rich and 
rewarding experiences of true love with your soulmate, the one who you are destined 
for. There really is someone for everyone and you deserve to find a legendary love. The 
love of your life. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
4 
 
 
Chapter 1 
Feminine Energy 
 
 
All of us, regardless of our gender, have masculine and feminine energy that we use 
to interact with each other and with life. We can go back and forth between masculine 
and feminine energy depending on what is required from our current situation. 
Understanding these energies is very important when it comes to dating and 
relationships, so we are going to take a deeper look at how they work and the positive 
changes we can make to cultivate them in our lives. 
 
It would be natural to assume that men are in their masculine energy and women 
are in their feminine energy but often thisisn’t the case. Due to conditioning from our 
upbringing and society, we women can often find ourselves living from a place of 
masculine energy. It is perfectly OK for a woman to channel masculine energy, unless 
she wants to attract a masculine man as a partner. A masculine man will not be attracted 
to a woman who is expressing masculine energy (even if she looks very feminine). He 
will be turned off from her. In real life this means that the guy will not pursue a 
relationship with her, and she will end up disappointed and unable to understand what 
has gone wrong. 
 
In every romantic relationship we need a balance of masculine and feminine energy. 
Now please remember that I am not talking about gender, but energy. A same sex couple 
also needs the combination of masculine and feminine energy for there to be the spark 
of attraction. In a lesbian couple, one girl would have to be in her feminine energy, and 
one in her masculine for the union to be complementary. This is the same with opposite 
gender couples. One person needs to be in their masculine energy and one needs to be in 
their feminine energy for the relationship to be harmonious and balanced. 
 
Now, it doesn’t matter who is in which energy. The man can be in his feminine 
energy or vice versa. If you are a woman looking for a masculine man then it is essential 
that you express feminine energy when interacting with potential partners. For a man, 
feminine energy is like a Siren from the old Greek legends. Instead of searching for a 
man, when you radiate feminine energy, masculine energy men will be drawn to you like 
a magnet! It is truly magical. 
 
Is your energy masculine or feminine? 
 
Let’s take a moment to help you decide whether you are looking for a masculine or 
feminine energy person. Masculine energy men are more practical and action focused, 
more of a ‘knight in shining armour’. A feminine energy man will have a deeper 
connection to his emotions, be less physical and possibly more creative. These are 
5 
 
generalisations, of course, and these energies can be expressed in many different ways, 
but it is important to be honest with yourself and decide which energy you find most 
attractive. 
 
The fact is everyone expresses both of these energies. It is part of who we are as 
humans, however, one energy is always more pronounced. Take some time to observe 
the couples you know and you will quickly be able to see which partner is in their 
masculine energy and who is in their feminine. In the past, this was described as who 
‘wore the pants’ in a relationship! One of my best friends, Sarah, lives from her 
masculine energy. She is very practical and outdoorsy, loves playing sports and thrives 
on problem solving. Her lovely husband likes to bake cakes, makes silver jewellery and 
stays at home to look after their wonderful children. He is in his feminine energy and 
the pair complement each other perfectly. 
 
 Let’s take a moment to address feminine energy specifically. In our Western 
society feminine energy has been demeaned. Our innate femininity has been looked 
down on as weakness and society tries to shame feminine women. As women, we are 
taught masculine energy skills as a way to get ahead and achieve our goals in our lives 
and careers, and it works very well because society elevates women who express 
masculinity. Sadly though, if we apply this energy to our romantic lives we can end up 
with disastrous results. Often when we think of feminine energy, we have been 
conditioned to believe it to mean being weak, pathetic or a doormat, but nothing could 
be further from the truth! Feminine energy is powerful energy, but it is powerful in the 
feminine. Over time the feminine essence has often been degraded, oppressed and 
looked down upon. Our strength as women lies in our positive feminine attributes which 
we will take a look at in a moment. 
 
 If you find the idea of masculine and feminine energy to be ‘triggering’, then 
please take some time to explore how you feel through journaling or talking it through 
with someone close to you in order to understand yourself better. You are safe and you 
can be whoever you decide to be. However, the yin and the yang of masculine and 
feminine energy must always be present in a relationship for there to be a strong 
attraction and lasting commitment. Perhaps surprisingly, masculine and feminine 
energy has nothing whatsoever to do with traditional gender roles. It does not mean that 
women have to stay at home and look after the kids while men go out to work. 
Masculine and feminine energy can mean whatever you want it to mean in your own set 
of circumstances. You can be a very feminine car mechanic or a very masculine 
ballerina! It’s up to you, but it is very helpful to be aware of what energy we are 
expressing and what energy we would like to attract when it comes to dating and 
romance. 
 
The problem is that we live in a masculine energy world and we, as women, have 
been taught to live from a place of very masculine energy for most of the time. 
Masculine energy is very much promoted as ‘where it’s at’ when it comes to being 
6 
 
successful in life. But you can be very successful, if not more successful by channelling 
your beautiful feminine energy. This is very important to recognise because a masculine 
energy man will not be attracted to a woman who is in her masculine energy. It 
doesn’t matter how attractive she is, and he may like her personality, but he will not be 
able to connect with her on a deep level. This is because both parties are coming from a 
masculine energy place and there is no room for the spark of attraction to flourish. It is 
like two stags butting heads, it just ends up as a competition or a fight. Remember it is 
opposites that attract. You are the yin to his yang. Can you think of situations in your 
own life where you have tried to attract a man from a place of masculine energy? This 
may be your first introduction to this concept and so it may feel difficult to relate to at 
first. This is because we have been brought up in a certain way which constantly 
promotes the masculine. Masculine energy is everywhere, and feminine energy has been 
misrepresented as weak and ineffective. But nothing could be further from the truth 
because feminine energy is powerful, but feminine powerful! By connecting to the 
source of your deep feminine power you will easily attract the right masculine man for 
you. 
 
In my own life it actually made me feel quite sad that I had lived my life from a place 
of such masculine energy for so long. I had suppressed my beautiful feminine essence 
and it was making me feel drained and unhappy. The wonderful thing about embracing 
your own feminine energy is that it feels so good! And not only that, it really gets results 
in your dating life and relationships. Being in your feminine energy feels so much easier 
because you are literally going with your natural flow and you will effortlessly start to 
magnetise everything you desire towards you without much effort on your part. It really 
makes you feel you are on Cloud Nine! 
 
When you think about your own true character, how do you feel at your core without 
all your worldly conditioning – are you a more masculine energy woman or a more 
feminine energy woman? You may not know straightaway so I suggest meditating or 
journaling about this question to see what comes up. However, if you already know that 
you like masculine energy men, then there is no doubt that this kind of man will be 
deeply turned off at a subconscious level by an expression of masculine energy from a 
woman. It is important that you get in touch with, and learn to express, your empowered 
femininity in order to call in The One. If you feel that you are really a more masculine 
energy woman, and that this is the truth for you and not just conditioning by your family 
or society, then there really isn’t much you need to change. Be happy being whoyou are 
and know that you will attract a feminine energy man who will complement you. 
However, if you feel that femininity is your Truth, we will now take a closer look at how 
you can cultivate your beautiful feminine energy and manifest the man of your dreams. 
 
It is my belief that feminine women are becoming extinct because feminine women are 
so rare. It’s no wonder we are in this situation as femininity has been so downtrodden 
over the years, we have learned to devalue it, hide it and even extinguish any signs of it. 
Sadly, there are very few feminine role models for women to be inspired by. In our 
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current culture women are encouraged to #slaygirlslay and go for their #goals. This 
action based energy is masculine in essence. There is nothing wrong with this per se, 
men can push and work and be driven – it is in their nature. A woman can behave in the 
same way, but she will burn out much sooner. We just aren’t designed to force our way 
through life in this way. It is going against our true nature and results in depression, 
burnout and a disconnect from our true and authentic selves. A genuine, masculine 
energy man is just crying out to meet a feminine woman. When he does he will treasure 
her because she is a rare find and her femininity will compliment his masculinity. He 
will feel so good around her that he will never want to be without her. 
 
Masculine and Feminine Energy Traits 
 
The Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine are the pure embodiment of the 
positive traits of each energy. Again, this is regardless of gender and we can fluctuate 
between these energies all day. But as a feminine energy woman who is looking for a 
masculine energy man it is necessary to cultivate femininity. These are some of the traits 
for each energy: 
 
The Divine Masculine: goal orientated, movement, forward motion, strength 
(outer physical strength and inner fortitude), logic, reasoning, planning, control, 
protector, provider, power, resilience, focus, action, determination, adventure, 
loyalty, rational, firm, progress. 
 
The Divine Feminine: patience, allowing, gentleness, grace, intuition, nurturing, 
creative, healing, expressive, wise, emotional, flowing, flexible, growth, openness, 
receptivity, feeling, trust. 
 
These energies are entirely complementary and come into perfect harmony in a 
balanced union between lovers. Although both men and women express each of these 
energies, a masculine energy man will always respond to a woman who is in her 
feminine energy when she is with him. 
 
The nature of masculine and feminine traits is mirrored in our biology. Think of the 
sperm and the egg. The sperm is action orientated, goal focused, ambitious, driven, 
competitive and will stop at nothing to reach his prize. However, the egg is trusting – 
she waits in complete peace and wholeness to be fertilised, for two to become one. The 
egg is peaceful and when the sperm arrives, she receives him with grace. The sperm and 
egg analogy is very beneficial for solidifying the concept of masculine and feminine 
energies in our minds. These energies are real and are being expressed all the time. 
Through the information in this book and your own journey you will be awakened to the 
forces of the two energies and your awareness of how they are expressed in yourself and 
others will become clear. 
 
8 
 
The opposite of Divine Masculine energy is called the shadow masculine. Shadow 
masculine traits include overt aggression, bullying, rage, being controlling (as opposed 
to in control), denying the value of the feminine while taking advantage of her, 
narcissism and misogyny. Shadow feminine energy is expressed as: wanting to be 
rescued, gossiping (toxic speech), need for outside validation (especially from men), 
victim/blaming and being manipulative. The shadow energy traits can be expressed 
through either gender. It can be interesting to view people through this lens of divine 
and shadow energy traits. For instance, a man expressing his shadow femininity might 
always keep you waiting or cancel plans at the very last moment, showing that he 
believes his time is more important than yours and disrespecting the feminine due to his 
misogyny. 
 
How to be in your feminine energy 
 
Shifting from your conditioned masculine energy into your natural feminine energy 
will transform your life. I am not kidding, this is truly powerful stuff. Embracing my 
femininity in my own life made my life so much simpler and easier. I was able to 
communicate with all men much better and my relationship with my husband 
transformed into harmony and joy. I found that I was able to manifest all my desires 
easily because receptivity is at the core of the Divine Feminine. My health problems 
dissolved, and I felt like I just came into Right Alignment, moving through life with 
grace. It really was wonderful. 
 
In society women have been pushed to embrace masculinity but I just want you to 
know that you have the option to be feminine. Of course, all women are on a spectrum of 
femininity but perhaps you can consider you own femininity, develop and explore it, if 
you desire? When we step into femininity as women, we often find that we regain peace 
and vibrancy. We begin to approach life from a full cup that means we have plenty of 
love to give and nurture those around us. 
 
Here are some ways that you can step into your own feminine power and experience 
these changes for yourself. 
 
Feminine appearance 
 
It is wonderful to embrace femininity in your appearance. Let me be clear, this does 
not mean being ‘girly’ or wearing a lot of pink (unless you want to!). I am talking about 
being alluringly feminine in a way that really calls out to high-value, masculine energy 
men. I have a friend who often only wears black (quite masculine) but she is the essence 
of the Divine Feminine and no one would ever doubt it. Masculine energy men find our 
femininity absolutely magical. They love our inviting curves and our soft hair and skin. 
In the same way that we might fantasise about being wrapped up in the arms of a strong 
man or leaning your head against a man’s broad chest. It feels good, right? This is the 
same for men when we create a contrast. 
9 
 
I feel that society and the media pushes a very masculine aesthetic and in many 
cases even encourages us to destroy our beauty – a message that doesn’t care about you 
at all. At the other end of the spectrum we are encouraged to be completely obsessed by 
our appearance and becoming enamoured with our own reflections, just like narcissus 
in the ancient Greek myth. However, there is a ‘middle way’; the choice isn’t to shirk our 
responsibility of having a body or to become obsessed with it. We can be grateful and 
celebrate the unique way which Mother Nature has made us and focus on health and 
vibrancy. 
 
When I explore the idea of looking more feminine this is not something you do for 
the man. It is something that you do for you. It is something that makes you feel 
wonderful because it feels lovely to express your feminine essence in this way. In my 
own life I started to notice that a lot of fashion is quite androgynous or even masculine. 
When I allowed myself to embrace my femininity in my appearance, I felt amazing. I 
was so much happier and aligned with my true self, the self that I had unconsciously 
suppressed for so long. My husband simply loved it and showered me with 
compliments. It was because I had emphasized the contrast between the masculine and 
the feminine and he found it attractive. 
 
There isn’t a particular style that you need to adopt in order to give off a feminine 
vibe in your appearance, because you can be feminine in whatever look you love. 
Remember that the masculine is ‘hard’ and the feminine is ‘soft’. So, how can you soften 
your appearance? Are there any changes you can make that would feel good to you? 
Personally, I started to wear more skirts and dresses when it wassuitable and added a 
bit more colour to my wardrobe. I also softened my signature black leather jacket with a 
beautiful silk scarf. I didn’t make any of these changes for anyone else. I did it for me 
because I am a feminine energy woman and embracing my femininity in all ways feels 
very natural to me and makes me happier. 
 
You are a beautiful goddess, so find a way of expressing your femininity that feels 
good for you. Masculine energy men will really get the message, loud and clear! The key 
is to create a contrast between the ‘hardness’ of a man and the ‘softness’ of a woman. If 
evolving your appearance into something ‘softer’ doesn’t appeal to you, then don’t do it. 
The thing that masculine men find most attractive is a woman who is happy in herself. 
This deep personal self-expression is feminine energy in and of itself. 
 
Sensuality 
 
We spend a lot of time in our heads, planning and organising and worrying. This 
time in our heads is amplified by all the time we spend on social media or in front of a 
screen. Being ‘up in our heads’ is masculine energy, whereas feminine energy all about 
being in the body and experiencing physical sensations. We need to reconnect to our 
bodies and the way our bodies feel in order to access our powerful feminine energy. 
Mindfulness is a great way of connecting to your body. This is simply being in the 
10 
 
present moment and connecting to how you feel, focusing on the sensations of your five 
senses. What can you smell in the air or taste in your mouth? How do you feel in your 
clothes as the fabrics touch your skin? Making a practice of connecting to the sensations 
you feel places you in your feminine power and gets you out of your head. A woman who 
is living from this relaxed, mindful place is something a masculine energy man can 
sense and will feel magnetically drawn to. 
 
Dancing is a wonderful way to connect with your body and the sensations you feel. 
Perhaps you can swap your usual training on the elliptical for a more sensual Zumba 
class or just dance around the kitchen to your favourite song? Dancing will help you to 
move your emotions through your body and bring in fresh energy which will make you 
feel amazing. I recommend dancing every day, or as often as possible, because it is the 
simplest way to connect to your body, especially after a day at the office using all that 
masculine energy to get things done. Different types of movement can really help you to 
step into your empowered feminine vibe. Why not switch up your usual gym session for 
something more sensual like yoga once in a while? This will help you to make the shift 
and feel really good. 
 
You can nurture your feminine body through sensual pleasures like massage, beauty 
facials or reflexology which will quickly put you in the feminine zone, so find something 
which makes you feel good and make time for yourself to invest in your body. Maybe a 
candlelit bubble bath or a sound healing session might be more your thing? Whatever 
makes you feel bliss will work its magic as masculine men just love it when girls 
immerse themselves in this sensual world. Too often, as women, we put ourselves last. 
We are taught that putting ourselves first is selfish, but nothing could be further from 
the truth. It is important that we give from a place of fullness. We must fill up our own 
cups, first of all, with everything that makes us happy and relaxed – only then will we 
have the ample energy and resources to support our families and those we care about. A 
woman who flows with feminine energy, and whose own cup is full of love, is a rare 
woman and one highly sought after by masculine men. 
 
Creativity 
 
Being creative is deeply feminine, so finding time to indulge in your creativity will 
connect you to your inner feminine goddess. This might include traditional creative 
pursuits like painting, drawing or playing a musical instrument. But anything can be 
creative – writing a blog, redecorating the house, designing a website, making a kick-ass 
lasagne. Men just love the gentle softness of a woman in her creative space. It makes 
him want to cherish her. 
 
The Art of Feminine Speech 
 
Learning the art of feminine communication is a wonderful way to express your 
femininity. Women are natural communicators and cultivating good interpersonal skills 
11 
 
is deeply feminine. Women are natural born listeners and being a woman who really 
listens and can create a safe space for people to communicate authentically is deeply 
feminine. Things to watch out for which undermine good communication include your 
tone, passive aggressive communication, swearing and vulgarity e.g. oversharing on 
topics such as sex or hideous trips to the bathroom. Keep your conversation high 
vibrational and classy. Express yourself with gentleness, humility, humour and grace 
and you will find that people will respond to you in a positive and open way which 
creates deeper connections. 
 
Although it is convenient to connect through social media, it can be helpful to limit 
social media communication in favour of real life, face-to-face contact. We all know that 
nothing can beat the feeling and beautiful connection created by being in the company 
of those we love and who make us feel good. These types of interactions are more 
feminine than online connections and are more supportive and nourishing, helping to 
keep your mind and emotions balanced and healthy. 
 
Nature 
 
Spending time in nature is the ultimate stress-reliever. Nothing will get you out of 
your headspace and into the feminine area of your heart-space more effectively than 
being in nature. We are always encouraged to be in cities to consume food, 
entertainment and products and this can be great fun. But perhaps you might like to 
consider unplugging from our 24 hour culture of ‘infotainment’ and just ‘be’. Slowing 
down and relaxing into nature is a beautiful and easy way to reconnect to the inner 
feminine. 
 
Simply do what feels good to you; go hiking in a forest, sit by a stream, have a picnic 
in a meadow or feel the sand under your feet on the beach. I love to cycle in the country 
lanes surrounding my home in the English countryside. I also love to take off my shoes 
and socks and paddle in the little river across the fields. I am blessed to live amongst so 
much beauty and when I unlocked my feminine energy, she guided me out of the city 
and into nature. As I embraced the feminine, I embraced Mother Earth who is the 
mother to us all. She always has been and always will be. How would you like to connect 
with your Earth Mother who cherishes you so well? Let nature cradle you and offer her 
support so you may feel safe and loved. Get in touch with nature and let your feminine 
heart shine with joy. 
 
Make the World Beautiful 
 
Expressing your femininity can mean beautifying the world in which you live, for 
you, your family and those you love. Beautifying can mean creating something of beauty 
through artistic expression like a painting, writing a song or a poem or another craft. It 
is also lovely to beautify your space, creating a loving and welcoming home or room on 
whatever budget you have. You can create beauty with small gestures such as arranging 
12 
 
a vase of flowers, bringing plants into your home, scenting the air with essential oils or 
adding a handful of rose petals to your bath. It is even possible to blossom into your own 
greater personal beauty through taking care of your hair and skin and wearing sensual 
and beautiful fabrics and patterns which enhance rather than hide your own innate 
beauty. 
 
If you are a feminine energy woman, you will deeply resonate with the idea of 
beautifying your personal environment and the world. Beauty has a spiritual essence 
and because women are closer to the spiritual realm (men are closer to the physical), we 
get the chance to bring heaven to earth, in an energetic way through the practise of 
seeing the beauty inthe world and seeking to enhance it rather than destroy it. The 
beauty of the natural world, which we depend on for our survival, is increasingly under 
threat due to the rampant energy of shadow masculinity which seeks to destroy beauty. 
By embracing the truth of your authentic feminine self and sprinkling beauty around 
like confetti you create a wonderful environment for those you love but you are also 
helping to heal the world of negative and destructive forces. 
 
Feminine Character 
 
Many women feel lost. We have lost our identity in this ultra-masculine world. 
Remember there is nothing wrong with masculinity – men and masculinity are amazing, 
it is the lack of balance which creates the disconnect and disharmony in the world which 
is why reconnecting with your femininity is so important to the health of our society. As 
a woman you can cultivate a more feminine character through gentleness. We have been 
encouraged to ‘slay the day’ and be action orientated and fierce. There is even a fierce 
sort of style which many young women have adopted as a result of being influenced by 
what they see on Instagram and music videos. I don’t want to call anyone out here, but 
the look says ‘I am large and in charge’ and ‘don’t mess with me’. It makes me feel a bit 
scared! If a woman would like to attract a masculine man then she should have her 
boundaries on the inside, not necessarily worn on the outside as a hard ‘look’. 
 
I want to start a movement to bring back gentleness of manner. Gentleness is often 
overlooked in favour of more masculine attributes such as being fierce, forceful or even 
slightly aggressive in some cases. Cultivating gentleness in your manner is extremely 
attractive to masculine energy men. It is also warm and open and creates a safe and 
inviting space with anyone you meet. Consider speaking and acting with gentleness and 
see how it enhances your day and your relationships. Slowing down your actions and 
speech slightly to create a relaxed air, is also very feminine and gives us a chance to 
connect with our bodies and how we are feeling rather than being ‘up in our heads’ all 
the time. Being relaxed in our manner doesn’t mean being lazy, it means being self-
assured and peaceful with who you are. Exuding a sense of relaxed confidence makes 
you comfortable to be around and people will feel positive and uplifted in your company. 
 
13 
 
A feminine woman is naturally charming and people gravitate towards her because 
she is polite and has good manners, without being stiff and stuck up. Having a friendly 
spirit which implies an openness and a willingness to interact with other people and 
converse with them is very magnetic. Cultivating your own charm is useful for building 
friendships and when networking. Being courteous is a lovely character trait and simply 
means being aware of other people’s needs as well as your own. Helping other people in 
small ways can make a big difference. 
 
On this journey you will become closer to your own authentic self which will enable 
you to be effortlessly genuine. Being genuine when you interact with others, rather than 
projecting a fake persona, is the foundation stone of feminine charm and makes others 
feel safe in your presence. Often, we don’t mean to wear a ‘mask’ or be disingenuous – 
sometimes it is just a defence mechanism which has built up over time but your genuine 
self is always there within you, waiting to be uncovered and shared. You can also express 
your genuine self through self-deprecating humour and your honesty. You can be 
humorous without being vulgar or inappropriate. We don’t develop our character for the 
sake of others. It is all about focusing on your own peace and positivity and other people 
will naturally feel uplifted and nurtured by your presence. Essentially you help to make 
the world more beautiful, safe and loving. 
 
Take a moment to reflect on how you feel about feminine energy right now. Do you 
feel like your femininity has been repressed? Do you feel like you have to express 
masculine energy to be successful? You might want to consider journaling about some of 
the ideas discussed in this chapter to gain greater insight into how you are currently 
expressing your own masculine and feminine energies. Remember, when we consider 
cultivating our femininity, we are not doing this for the man. It is something you do for 
yourself so you can reconnect to who you really are. Many women find that they feel 
relieved to finally be given permission to express their latent femininity and that they 
feel so much calmer and more relaxed as a result. By exploring and expressing your 
feminine energy, you will find that you dial down the stress and simultaneously dial up 
your ability to attract good quality men. This happens as a result of creating a contrast 
which is the magic glue of intense attraction in relationships. 
 
For me, I find that I feel so much calmer and experience a deep sense of wellbeing 
when I balance my masculine and feminine energies, with a deep emphasis on the 
feminine. In my work I can use my masculine energy to focus on tasks and achieve my 
goals, and my logic and rationality to run a business and solve problems. I also bring my 
feminine energy into my work. When the work day is over, I can luxuriate in my 
feminine energy. For me this means spending time in nature, meditating, doing yoga, 
having bubble baths filled with crystals and flowers and getting a massage regularly. 
When you combine some or all of these practices, you will effortlessly step into your 
feminine magic and men will be seeking you out to make you their queen. 
 
14 
 
 
Chapter 2 
The Attraction Factor 
 
 
What many women don’t realize is the lengths to which a man will go for you 
entirely depends on how much attraction he feels for you. In the world of your man, 
true intimacy and deep emotional connection are based on the level of attraction he feels 
for you. When we think of attraction, it is usually the definition based on physical 
appearance. It may be looks which first get a man’s attention and inspire his ‘caveman’ 
instincts but, as everyone knows, physical attraction will only get you so far. This is 
surface level attraction and, although it will keep a man interested for a while, it won’t 
inspire his lasting devotion and love for you. The secret ingredient to attracting your 
soulmate is expressing your feminine energy. It is this energy or vibe that will inspire a 
deep connection and a love to last a lifetime. 
 
Learning about your feminine energy and how to use it to be the most attractive 
version of yourself is very powerful and will help you to build deep attraction from the 
moment you meet a man. Building attraction is easy when you are expressing your 
feminine essence and it will magnetise your soulmate to you. He won’t be able to get 
enough of you – helping you to build true intimacy with him to experience a deep 
connection. You will understand and communicate with each other better and, through 
mutual understanding, minimise conflict and eradicate drama. Ramping up your 
feminine energy when you are with a man is certain to draw him closer. 
 
Attraction secrets 
 
Learning to receive everything a man has to offer is the foundation of real, lasting 
attraction. You want to be open, warm and deeply receptive to what a man is giving you. 
I will let you into a secret; a man’s biggest desire is to be with a woman who allows him 
to do things for her. We are so used to being in our masculine energy, being capable and 
getting things done for ourselves, that many of us have forgotten how to let someone 
else give to us. It is a man’s job to initiate the giving. 
 
I remember going to collect a wedding cake for my friend. A man in the shop offered 
to carry the cake to the car for me and, like a good girl in her masculine energy, I said to 
him ‘no worries, I can do it’. His face was crestfallen, and I really struggled with that 
cake!This incident stuck in my mind and represented a much larger pattern in my life. 
Now that I understand feminine energy, I let men help me, even when I don’t really 
need help. It is my belief there is a crisis in masculine energy now that men don’t have to 
go out to ‘hunt and gather’, they are no longer sure of their role. Honestly, I do believe 
that by letting a man help us out sometimes, we are helping to heal the world! 
 
15 
 
When you begin to let a man help you in small ways, you will see him ‘light up’ and 
you will literally be able to feel the connection building between you. So, when my 
husband offers to carry my coat, even though I am perfectly capable of carrying my own 
coat, I let him. We instantly feel more bonded. If you are a woman who would love to 
experience a bit of romance or to feel truly supported by a man, then this is the way to 
make it happen. It doesn’t mean you aren’t capable and totally kick-ass at life, it simply 
means that you don’t have to do it all. What a relief! 
 
A feminine energy woman doesn’t initiate the giving, instead she gives back. Too 
often we go overboard and try too hard: we arrange nice dates, make him chicken soup 
when he’s ill, cook him candlelit dinners and make him birthday cakes. I can see you 
thinking ‘what is wrong with that!?’. The problem is that it is masculine energy, it is 
doing. We are actually doing for men what we would like done for us and this isn’t the 
way that a man feels most connected to us and appreciated. A masculine energy man 
will do good for you in order to feel good himself. 
 
Many women have a perception that what a man wants is a woman who takes care 
of his every need and is very nurturing. But in this way, we are doing a man out of his 
job! Men can give and give and give. There is no end to this desire. We women, on the 
other hand, can put on our masculine energy caps, take action and continually give to 
others, but it leads to us feeling exhausted and burnt out. Does this sound familiar? It 
takes its toll because it isn’t in our natural energy, which is receiving. If you are ‘doing’ 
all the time, more than feels good to you, often your man won’t even notice! He will only 
notice that he doesn’t have a role in the relationship. This then makes him feel bad 
about himself and his attraction for you will fade. Men literally cannot fall in love with 
us when we are giving to them. They can only fall in love when they are giving to us. 
 
A girlfriend of mine was crazy in love with her boyfriend and organised him an amazing 
surprise birthday party with all his friends and family. You would think that this was a 
lovely thing to do, but a few days after the party – she got dumped! That’s right, she was 
dumped by the guy she thought she would marry after showing him how much she loved 
him by arranging this amazing party. What went wrong? Firstly, she was giving to him – 
it is the man’s job to do the giving and the woman’s job to receive. Essentially, she made 
him feel like less of a man and was spoiling him like he was a princess. There is only 
room for one princess in a relationship, so you have to choose whether that is you or 
your guy. Secondly, she wasn’t meeting his most important love need, which is 
uncertainty. 
 
Men and women have different love needs. A woman likes to feel taken care off, special, 
cherished and nurtured but a man needs to feel uncertainty, admiration and 
appreciation. Too often, we women treat our men the way we would treat another 
woman, who is our friend; we listen, nurture, care and share. This is a big mistake 
because he is not a woman, he is a man. To meet his love needs you need to be a 
challenge and create uncertainty. This is what makes him happy. I know it sounds 
16 
 
strange because it is the exact opposite of our love needs; as women and we hate to feel 
uncertain in a relationship. Men have evolved to live in uncertain situations and their 
hormones and brain chemistry are the healthiest and most balanced when they have 
challenges and uncertainty in their lives. They thrive on it! 
 
When you are next with a guy, try being in receiving mode. A man’s biggest desire 
isn’t a lingerie model; it is to find a woman who is able to receive what he has to give. 
Who knew?! Men LOVE to fully embrace the role of being a provider for us. This is when 
they shine. Giving a guy this opportunity will make him feel good in your company and 
he will come back again and again, each time building more attraction. Men really want 
to know what makes us happy. They are constantly trying to work it out. When your 
man does something that you enjoy or makes you happy, do let him know! Appreciation 
and acknowledgment are the fuel that drives a man forward to invest more in your 
connection. You can say ‘thank you’ but much better than that is to tell him how his 
actions make you feel. Talking about the good feelings you are experiencing as a result 
of something he has done for you will make you his kryptonite! So, tell him that what he 
has done has made you feel happy, excited or peaceful. As long as it is completely 
genuine, you literally cannot do this too much. It makes a guy feel so good and you will 
feel good in return. It is a beautiful feedback loop of good feelings that creates a very 
happy relationship. Essentially, when you are in your feminine energy, you can do less 
and get more in terms of results. 
 
Never ever spoil a guy or treat him like a princess. This means cooking him fancy 
dinners, arranging special dates, paying for dates or even holidays or trying to seduce 
him by sending him sexy pictures. When did it become the woman’s job to seduce a 
guy!? Let’s be real; a man needs no seducing to get him into bed! It is his job to seduce 
you! The only thing this will do will make him take you for granted. When we spoil a 
guy, we deny him the opportunity to chase us and impress us. It just makes him lazy and 
he will feel completely safe. He will quickly lose interest as it will kill the attraction. 
 
Many women want to know how they can show their love without pushing their man 
away by spoiling him. The first way is with your feminine warmth. Your mere presence 
and warmth as a woman is enough – he will feel good basking in your softness and 
femininity. Your world is magical to him. This will make him feel more of a man and will 
increase attraction. Secondly, you can show your love by expressing that you appreciate 
what he has to offer you. The most feminine way to do this is by using feeling statements 
to express how his actions make you feel good. When he knows that he makes you feel 
good, he will want to do more and more for you, and you will get closer and closer. 
 
Thirdly, is with sex. Men have evolved to want to earn reproductive rights with a 
woman. I realise that this doesn’t sound very romantic but stay with me! When we were 
still cave men and women, a man would have to earn his right to mate with a woman 
through many life-threatening trials to prove that he was worthy for you to carry his 
baby. In caveman days all sex resulted in babies. Mrs Cave-Woman didn’t say ‘Oh let me 
17 
 
dance around for you in fancy knickers, pay for you to go to Barbados and then I will 
cook your favourite dinner, and then we can have sex’. No! She was damn sure that he 
had what it takes to take care of her and her children by providing for them (food, 
shelter, fire-wood etc) so that they all didn’t die. Now, we live in modern times, but our 
brains and hormones haven’t changed. The same things still apply and this is why men 
still thrive on challenges and uncertainty. Even if you are an asexual couple or you don’t 
plan on having sex until you get married – he is still earning his right to reproduce with 
you; even if you don’t want children or aren’t going to have sex. This is what is at the 
foundation of it all. The urge to reproduce and carry on a lineage is powerful. This is why 
men often refer to going to bed witha woman as ‘getting her gold’. Your ‘gold’ is your 
offer of reproductive rights (sex) and you need to see how incredibly valuable this is. 
This is the absolutely biggest gift you can give to any man. It doesn’t mean that you can’t 
have casual sex or never let a guy have sex with you – but just appreciate how precious 
this is. We give much more to men than they ever give to us because we can give them 
our magical ‘gold’. 
 
We live in a topsy-turvy world where women are chasing after or trying to seduce men 
but this only results in everyone feeling unhappy. No one ends up feeling appreciated 
and everyone feels a little ‘off’ because men are behaving like women and women are 
behaving like men. So, this is how you give back to your man: by showing your 
appreciation for his actions towards you, by being feminine and creating a contrast to 
his masculinity and by giving him the promise of reproductive rights (essentially sexual 
access). This is enough. There is no need for you to do any more. I never pay for 
anything for my husband because I expect him to be able to provide my food and 
shelter. It sounds really traditional but he absolutely thrives on his role of provider. It 
makes him feel amazing and gives him a purpose. If I am cooking something for myself, 
then I will cook for him as well, but I won’t make him anything special. I buy him gifts 
for his birthday or Christmas or arrange a nice meal with his family on special occasions, 
but this is in direct proportion to how much he is giving to me. I recommend giving only 
about 10% of what your guy does for you in return for him. This means that you won’t 
ever spoil him and run the risk of emasculating him or creating too much safety which 
kills attraction. 
 
Focus on yourself 
 
In order for a guy to feel emotional attraction for a woman, he must feel that she is 
the same status as him, or perceive her to be of a higher status than himself. A beautiful 
way to shift your energy to convey that you are high-status is to focus on yourself and on 
your own life and dreams. This instantly makes you extremely attractive to all men and 
is the opposite of making a man the main focus of your life. It can be tempting to try and 
win a guy over or persuade him of your merits but remember, it is up to him to impress 
you! Here’s what it looks like: 
 
You chase your goals and dreams = A guy chases you 
18 
 
 
If you are going out of your way to please the guy by looking extra perfect or trying to 
win him over with how attractive or sexy you are, then you have slipped into masculine 
energy. We are trying to impress him. When you do this, you lose yourself – the things 
which make you authentic and unique; the things which make you attractive. This will 
deliver a double whammy – he will lose respect and attraction for you. Like attracts like: 
so if you want a guy who acts more like a gentleman, then you need to act more like a 
lady. Always have high standards. It is quality that matters, not quantity. A man who 
doesn’t pursue you and invest in you, simply isn’t good enough and isn’t worth it. 
 
So often we get caught ‘up in our heads’, thinking and obsessing about one man. We 
want to know what he is thinking and how he is feeling. What do his actions mean or 
where is it all going? These thoughts go round and round our minds. Essentially what 
we are doing is expressing our masculine energy mentally. And a man can sense this. 
Obsessing over a man is often a subconscious way of protecting ourselves. If we are 
trying to figure a guy out mentally, it is probably because we are trying to protect 
ourselves from someone who is boring, has a lot of baggage, is covertly abusive or who 
isn’t in his empowered masculine energy. It can be helpful to recognise this mental 
energy and focus on a guy for what it really is - a way to protect ourselves. Next time you 
find yourself obsessing over someone, you can just thank your mind for helping you and 
acknowledge the situation for what it is. 
 
The first step to overcoming obsessive thoughts about one man is, firstly, to become 
aware that we are doing it. Notice every time you start analysing or thinking about him. 
We can rewire our brains by adopting different habits. Every time you think about a 
man and start to get ‘all up in your head’ simply pull your attention back towards you. 
Repetition is the key here as we are training our minds to behave differently. Eventually, 
you will find it boring to be wondering about some guy all day and find that you have 
much better ways to occupy your thoughts and time. Take your attention off the guy and 
put it back onto yourself, where it belongs! This new habit creates the energetic space 
for your man to come towards you. If your man gets a hint that the main focus of your 
life is all about him, it puts a lot of pressure on him and it will kill his attraction for you. 
You might be acting like a cool girl in front of him, but I guarantee that your energy will 
betray you. So, learn to focus on yourself and invest your time in your dreams. Then you 
will find that you instantly become more high-value in his eyes. It works like a charm. 
 
High Value Women 
 
There is a lot of talk in dating and relationship coaching about being a high value 
woman but just what does it mean to be a high value woman? I am going to give you the 
‘Cliff Notes’ to being a HVW because it comes down to 3 simple mindsets which are: 
strong boundaries, self-love and being happy to be single. Let’s take a closer look. 
 
 
19 
 
Boundaries 
 
We discuss boundaries in depth in Attract Soulmate Love because they are so 
important. We are always letting people know how to treat us by how we let them treat 
us. This is where boundaries come in. A high value woman always has strong boundaries 
and this means that she can always trust herself to do the right thing by herself in any 
situation. Boundaries are really just our personal preferences. Boundaries can 
encompass several areas including; sexual boundaries, personal space boundaries and 
our boundaries regarding what behaviour is unacceptable to us. A man can sense when 
we have weak boundaries and the result is that we get treated like a doormat, always 
compromising ourselves for the sake of someone else. Don’t do it! Know who you are 
and what you want and express it to the men you are dating. Essentially, your 
boundaries need to be more important to you than trying to earn love from some 
random guy, or anyone else for that matter. If a guy is treating us like a doormat, it is 
because we are letting him! Remember, no one can waste your time but you. If you feel 
like someone is wasting your time, it is really you wasting your own time because you 
are afraid to say ‘no’ and set a boundary. 
 
Having strong boundaries is such an excellent way of sorting the wheat from the 
chaff when dating. A man who is low value and probably emotionally unhealthy will be 
turned off by your boundaries – he will not pursue a relationship with you because he 
knows that he doesn’t have what it takes to make a high value girl like you happy. You 
don’t want a guy like that anyway! In this way the men who just want to waste your time 
become self-selecting and drop out of the pursuit. This is brilliant because it means less 
work for you and less time wasted. A high value man who is emotionally healthy, on the 
other hand will really respect your boundaries and will work hard to ‘solve your puzzle’ 
and find out what makes you happy. He will rise to the challenge and this creates 
amazing chemistry. It is also worth mentioning that your boundaries aren’t limited to 
dating and relationships, you should have strong boundaries in every area of your life. A 
high value man will see that you don’t have time for anyone or anything which makes 
you feel uncomfortable or unhappy and this will increase your value in his eyes. 
 
Your own boundaries are a reflection of how much you respect yourself and how youexpect to be respected. If your boundaries are too soft or elastic (easily manipulated) 
then your guy will take you for granted or worse, take advantage of you. When there is 
no respect, there is no love. Respect yourself and your man will always respect you and 
this is the foundation of a beautiful and loving relationship. 
 
If a man disrespects you, i.e. if he raises his voice or calls you names then you can set a 
boundary. State clearly that it is unacceptable to you. If he ignores your boundary then 
just LEAVE. Get your stuff and go. Whenever anyone ignores your boundaries then they 
are letting you know that even though you respect yourself, they don’t respect you. This 
is absolutely not someone who you want to waste your time with. 
 
20 
 
Self-Love 
 
The second part of the sacred trine of being a HVW is self-love. Self-love is a 
combination of self-care and treating ourselves well along with working on our wounds 
and issues to dissolve insecurities and old patterns. A man will respect a girl who 
respects herself and her body. It doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect, just as long as 
you are investing in yourself and seeking greater personal understanding. If we had to 
be perfect to be loved or get a date, then there wouldn’t be a single person dating on the 
whole planet and the human race would die out! No one is perfect. Simply put, it is 
about expressing in your vibe, that your relationship with yourself is more important 
than any other relationship that you have. Instead of looking ‘out there’ for love – look 
within. Love is always there waiting for you. 
 
Happy Being Single 
 
Lastly, a man needs to know that you are A-OK on your lonesome. You have to be 
genuinely OK and at peace with being single. This may be something which you have to 
work on to get to a place where it really is the truth for you. YOU are your constant. You 
are the person who will always be there, which is why it is so important to cultivate a 
strong relationship with yourself first. If a man senses that you are relying on him for 
your happiness, this really kills the attraction because it feels like a trap to him. Women 
who are happy living their lives, being authentic and working towards their dreams have 
a magical quality. They are like mythical unicorns. When this becomes your vibe then a 
man will know that you don’t need him in your life, but you might enjoy having him in 
your life. This makes him feel extra special and he will get the high value woman 
message, loud and clear. 
 
So, in a nutshell, that is how to be a high value woman. We will discuss all of 
these factors in greater depth as we go on, to increase your understanding. Remember, 
we all have different strengths and weaknesses; things that we need to explore about 
ourselves and it is a journey towards greater personal understanding. Often, we need to 
cultivate these qualities through our life experiences as well as finding our way back to 
wholeness. Please know that the time and energy you invest in yourself is so worthwhile 
because it can bring you to a place of peace and a soul-knowing that you may have never 
dreamed possible. 
 
Nice Girl Syndrome 
 
Women are told that what a man wants from a life partner is a ‘nice girl’. Someone 
who is caring, supportive, kind and nice. It sounds perfect, right? But it is a myth. Men 
have a desire to ‘win’ us on all levels. This doesn’t just mean winning us to get us into 
bed, or to be his girlfriend. This means that he wants to feel like he is ‘winning’ every 
day that he is with you. You can create that feeling in your man, and the intense 
attraction that he associates with it, by being a bit of a challenge. I want to be clear that 
21 
 
this doesn’t mean playing hard-to-get, which is just a game. You naturally become a 
challenge when you are a high-value woman because he will always have to be on his 
toes to keep you in his life. The nice girl sometimes lacks boundaries and will suppress 
her true feelings in order to try and keep her man happy. But it is a man’s job to keep 
you happy because you are a goddess on a pedestal! When we go out of our way to make 
a man happy and be a pleasing girlfriend, it actually dials down the attraction. A man 
can sense insecurity like a shark can smell blood in water from miles away and this 
lowers your value in his eyes. 
 
You can express yourself as a challenge in conversation with him as well. Don’t be 
afraid to clash with his ideas and express your own opinion. For instance, if a man is 
telling you about a time that he had an affair with a co-worker and it makes you feel 
uncomfortable, don’t just agree with him and say something like, ‘wow, it must have 
been so much fun making-out by the photocopier!’ Let him know that you feel that this 
was morally wrong and potentially upsetting to the people involved. A healthy man will 
thrive on this and asserting yourself in this way is another way of expressing your 
boundaries. He will really respect these boundaries as they provide a framework around 
which to ‘win’ you. Your boundaries are his guide as to how to make you happy. The 
‘nice girl thing’ doesn’t create connection nearly as effectively as being truly confident, 
authentic and having rock-solid boundaries. This type of woman is the one who 
automatically creates electric attraction by offering a guy a wonderful challenge that he 
can’t help but rise to. 
 
Urgency 
 
Too often when we are very attracted to a guy, we can begin to feel ‘urgent’. It can 
feel like a pushing, rushing energy that rises up inside us. It can make us want to propel 
things forward and drive the relationship along. It’s as though our minds are constantly 
saying, ‘what’s next?’. I hate this feeling or rising energy sensation because it can feel a 
bit desperate, or even frantic. It doesn’t matter how much we try to stuff the feelings 
back down, a guy will sense it and it will dissolve his attraction. This desire for urgency 
and the strong feeling of wanting to move a relationship forward is, you guessed it, 
masculine energy. The big cold shower on your guy’s passion! There just isn’t the same 
magnetic pull of attraction when both parties are expressing masculine energy. 
 
Whenever you get the feeling you want to make something happen in a relationship, 
just stop and slow down. Breathe. Relax. Sometimes this energy can come across as too 
keen or worse than that, needy. Our fears are trying to express themselves. Your guy 
doesn’t want to feel as if you will be with him at the expense of everything else in your 
life because this feels like a huge pressure. Also, you don’t want to be the one who is 
driving the relationship forward and putting your guy out of a job. Give your man a 
chance to step up and shine. A healthy masculine man will want to pursue you – he will 
want the challenge of working out how to be your man above all other men. Don’t make 
it too easy for him. If you notice the feeling of urgency creeping in, become aware of 
22 
 
your feelings and make the effort to channel all that excess energy into yourself! You can 
use the powerful drive to achieve your own dreams and work towards your own goals. 
Also, practise flowing more feminine energy in your own life through sensual 
experiences like massage or your own creativity. This will help you to feel more 
balanced, and your man will respond positively to this energy. 
 
Convincing him to be your man 
 
These days we are all keen to show that we are high-value women in the dating 
world. We often do this by telling a man all the reasons why we are such a great catch. 
We list our accomplishments and ‘sell’ the idea of ourselves to our date. Sadly, this will 
just pour cold water onto any desire he has for you. Using ‘convincing behaviour’ is a bit 
too masculine. It is what guys would do with each other and is slightly competitive. 
When you radiate your feminine energy then absolutely no convincing will be needed. 
He will come tothe conclusion that you are amazing, all by himself. Sometimes we 
might try to hint that we are in demand by mentioning other dates, or that men are 
constantly hitting on us. You would think that this would inspire the principle of scarcity 
in him (scarce things are more desirable) but the vibe we give him is actually one of 
desperation! Eek! It is not your job to try and impress a man or convince him of what a 
great girlfriend you would make. Remember, you are the prize and it is up to him to 
convince you that he is great! All you need to do is be warm and open so that your guy 
knows that you want to receive all the good things that he has to offer you. 
 
You will know if you have stepped into convincing mode if the relationship feels like 
work. This is because it is work; you are working to fight against his resistance. By trying 
to convince your man to be with you or behave a certain way, you are actually lowering 
your status. Remember, a guy needs to feel that a woman is the same or higher status 
than him to maintain attraction. By subtly trying to change a man’s mind or persuade a 
man to give you what you want, you are giving your power away. It shows an emotional 
dependency on his decisions and actions. When we do this, whether consciously or 
unconsciously, it is fear and desperation that are running the show. Fear, insecurity, 
negativity and neediness are the enemies of attraction. Even if you act cool, a man has a 
radar for these things and can sense it. Having a relaxed and casual attitude creates 
psychological space that makes a man want to get closer. 
 
You are enough. Just you as you are, is enough. All you need to do is shine your 
authentic light and it will spark the attraction between you and your guy. A woman who 
is completely confident and peaceful with who she really is, has a very special energy at 
her core that men simply cannot resist. A man enjoys being around a woman like this 
because he knows that he can complement her life rather than be her life. This means 
that you can actually do less and get better results in your dating life. Simply live your 
life for you, focus on yourself and be warm and open when you are with guys who you 
are interested in. The right man for you will step-up and pursue you, without you having 
to do a thing! 
23 
 
How to increase your value 
 
When we meet a man who we are very attracted to, it feels natural to want to show 
him we are interested and invested in him. We expect him to reciprocate our actions and 
for the relationship to progress. This can mean making lots of time for him, changing 
our usual plans, driving to him for dates, initiating contact with him or tolerating 
inconsistent behaviour from him. We do this because we care and we are worried that if 
we don’t he will think we are not interested but unfortunately, all this does is repel him. 
Remember, men want to feel as if they are winning at life and what they want to win is 
you! If we make it too easy for a guy, we don’t give him that opportunity and his 
attraction will fade. 
 
When you change your vibe and know that you are the prize and exude natural 
confidence, this then raises your value in a man’s eyes. This is the opposite behaviour to 
trying to chase a man down. Why not let your man impress you instead? He can tie 
himself in knots trying to prove what a great catch he is and you can relax, knowing that 
you are worth the effort. Honestly, you don’t need to try that hard. When I went on my 
first date with my husband, I wore a really frumpy denim skirt and an old T shirt which I 
sometimes slept in! Oh, and no make-up. Zero. None. I just turned up as my authentic 
and flawed self and he was charmed. Subconsciously, I was giving the message that I 
didn’t really think he was worth the effort. This meant that he had to work harder to 
‘win’ me and persuade me to consider him as boyfriend material. 
 
Think about jewellery for a moment. An imitation diamond ring is not the same as a 
real diamond ring. In order to afford a real diamond, you need to work hard for it and 
when you get it, you treasure it. The real diamond ring is the reward for all your efforts. 
The fake diamond and the real diamond might look the same to a casual observer, but 
the real diamond has a very different feel to it because you value it more. It is precious 
and you treat it with care and get it insured because you want to keep it forever. Which 
ring would you rather have on your finger? The fake or the real deal? It is exactly the 
same when a man chooses his forever girl. He wants the real deal. 
 
The high-value vibe that exude must be genuine and authentic. You cannot hide 
behind an expensive handbag, make-up, plastic surgery or high-fashion clothes. When a 
man gets to know you, nothing will be able to hide low self-esteem. This is why it is so 
important to do the inner work so you can show up as an amazing goddess that men are 
just begging to lock down into a committed relationship. I want to be clear and say that I 
am not talking about playing hard to get. This is a short-term strategy based on 
insecurity and the belief that you are not good enough for a man to want to win. This 
tactic will only cool a man’s desire for you and push him away. When it comes from the 
heart, you will not have to convince a man to fall for you, it will happen all on its own. 
 
When you are happy in yourself you naturally become a people magnet, as all kinds 
of people will be drawn into your orbit and want to get to know you. People who are 
24 
 
authentic and genuine exude a special sort of energy which feels lovely to experience. 
Having passion in life and really loving your life makes you very attractive. What can 
you do to follow your bliss? When you are being yourself and are appreciated for that, it 
makes you feel so good. 
 
Needy no more 
 
Men feel greater attraction for women who are a combination of playful (fun) and 
assertive (strong boundaries). They like a woman who is both a little bit unpredictable 
(because it is exciting) and who expects to be respected because it is a good indicator of 
high self-esteem. Men also love a woman who does not depend on him for her self-
worth. We all know of girls who are just hungry for male attention but at the root of this 
is the need for outside validation that men interpret as needy. The No.1 thing to scare off 
a man when dating is neediness and insecurity. It just fills a man with dread because it 
feels like so much pressure. It is as though she needs him to validate her self-worth 
instead of being able to generate it from the inside. Think about it, how would you feel if 
your guy’s self-confidence was entirely dependent on you? It would feel way too much, 
right? 
 
Everybody feels a bit insecure sometimes, it’s natural. But this is about your general 
vibe. If you feel unsure of yourself, your man will be able to pick up on this from your 
demeanour, tone of voice and body language. It is a massive attraction killer. Due to 
social conditioning we may often express neediness and not realise that is how a man is 
interpreting our behaviour. Here are some examples of needy behaviour: 
 
1. Touching him too much: putting your hands all over a guy, especially in 
public, looks like you are making a display of ‘stating your claim’ over a guy. This 
is masculine energy, as it is for the man to state his claim over you. If you ever see 
a girl doing this, especially if a guy isn’t reciprocating to the same degree, you can 
bet that she is feeling insecure and it is turning off her guy. 
 
2. Trying too hard: making a big ‘song and dance’ out of attracting a guy can look 
like you are trying too hard to win him over. It looks needy. When we put on a lot 
of make-up and spend ages getting ready or try and be extra ‘sexy’, it is because 
we want to impress a guy. But it is his job to impress you. 
 
3. Bad-mouthing past relationships: this can reflect on you negatively and 
makesyou look as if you have baggage. No one cares about your exes. You may 
also give away that you are not high value if you let on that you put up with poor 
behaviour in the past. Your date is not your therapist (and you are not his) so 
keep the past where it belongs. In the past. 
 
4. Creating drama: men can handle our emotions, but they can’t handle 
manufactured drama. Highly emotional scenes can make you look imbalanced 
25 
 
and he may view you as high maintenance rather than high value. In exactly the 
same way you don’t want a guy with anger issues, a man wants a woman who is in 
charge of her own emotions. 
 
5. Talking down other women: this is deeply unattractive and bad karma. Men 
just think that you are covering up your own insecurities. Keep it classy and send 
love out to everyone you meet. 
 
6. Acting jealous – seeing other women as a threat makes us look clingy, needy 
and crazy. A high value woman knows that she has her own unique ‘brand’ and is 
in a class all of her own. 
 
Let him impress you 
 
Most women don’t realise when they are communicating in a way which is subtly 
and unintentionally competitive. A guy likes to be competitive with other guys, but he 
doesn’t want to compete with a woman who he is romantically involved with - he wants 
a break from all that. For example, you don’t want to list all your achievements all in one 
go or give him a breakdown of your life that looks like your resume. You might want him 
to know what a great girl you are but to the guy, it just looks like convincing behaviour. 
It looks like you are trying to persuade him or win him over. The very behaviour which 
we know is such a turn-off. It is the guy’s job to be impressing you and listing all his 
achievements so that you can be duly impressed! 
 
Men will approach your first few dates as though it is a job interview and, if he is 
physically attracted to you, he will really want that job! If you sense that a man is trying 
to impress you, that is a good sign he is interested in you. When a guy starts to list his 
accomplishments, you don’t need to mirror and match him. It is easy to fall into the 
pattern of ‘trumping’ a guy’s achievements. He might talk about his last vacation and so 
you tell him about your vacation which was nicer, longer, more exotic and more 
expensive. On the face of it, it looks like you are saying ‘you are brilliant but I am 
brilliant too, so please love me!’. But what he is hearing is ‘I am a man dressed as a 
woman and I am here to confuse you.’ You feel like you are sharing something you have 
in common when really you are being slightly competitive and killing the attraction. 
 
This isn’t because a guy doesn’t want an accomplished and interesting woman. This 
is more about how you communicate that fact to him in a way that he can actually hear. 
When you connect to your feminine energy you will not feel the need to compete with 
your man. You can share your own experiences in your own time, in a way that has 
nothing to do with you trying to prove yourself to him. Always talk about how your 
experiences make you feel! You don’t need to share your entire life story on the first few 
dates. Let him find out about you step by step. You can even be in a relationship for 
years and he can find out something new about you! This will make you very compelling. 
26 
 
When you are mystery and not an open book, it will keep him coming back for more. An 
open book is boring, but a mystery creates uncertainty, the thing that men thrive on. 
Remember women bond through sharing and it brings us closer but men bond through 
having fun, so just enjoy yourself. A man loves a girl who knows how to have a good time 
and he will really connect to you through laughing, flirting and being light-hearted. 
 
Men respond really well to women who talk about their feelings – how they feel 
about their lives and their experiences. So, instead of interview style questioning or 
trying to trump all your guys achievements, simply express yourself through how you 
feel while being warm and open to what he is sharing. When you communicate your 
feelings to a guy, it really draws him in when you describe your emotional landscape. It 
creates an openness which allows him to get close to the real you and gives him the 
opportunity to open up to you in a way that he won’t do with his buddies or even any 
other women in his life. In this way, you can create a natural specialness in your 
connection and ignite the spark of attraction. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
27 
 
 
Chapter 3 
Feminine Energy Dating 
 
 
Dating the Feminine Energy way will be a revelation to you! It is a whole new way of 
doing things which will make you feel amazing and really gets results. So, if you feel 
disheartened about dating and feel like you are pretty much ready to throw in the towel, 
don’t just yet. Give it another shot from the feminine energy perspective and you will 
really see how much fun it can be! The main difference with communicating and 
connecting with men from your feminine essence is that you become much more 
receptive. This is wonderful because it feels so easy! All you have to do is relax back in 
your feminine energy space and wait for men to beat down your door! Yes, it really is 
that simple. A masculine energy man will want to hunt you out and chase you. This is 
the fun of it for him and makes him feel like an Alpha Male. 
 
Throughout all human history, up until very recently, sex resulted in pregnancy and 
years and years of childrearing. Our female ancestors would have been very picky about 
who she mated with because her life, and the life of her children depended on it. Think 
about it, the man she chose literally held her life in his hands. It was up to him to 
provide for her and their children so that they all survived. The stakes were very high. 
Our ancestor women would have made very sure that their men were strong, healthy, 
team-players and excellent providers before they would consider having sex with them. 
Historically men are hard-wired to have to EARN a place in a woman’s life. Our male 
ancestors would have risked their lives every single day to go out into the dangerous 
wilderness to bring back food and other supplies. Now, this all sounds irrelevant in 
today’s society because we can have sex without any consequences and get in and out of 
relationships at the drop of a hat, but our brains haven’t got the memo! This ancient way 
of doing things between men and women is all our brains have ever known. It is woven 
into our DNA. So, what does all this have to do with your kick-ass modern day dating 
life? The answer is a lot. 
 
You are a goddess on a pedestal 
 
What this means to you when you are out dating is that you must give a man a 
chance to step up and prove that he is worthy of you. Remember he is hard-wired by 
aeons of evolution to want to earn you! I know that this might sound a bit old-fashioned 
or just plain bonkers, but the fact remains that men get a biochemical reward (their 
hormones and brain chemistry really fires-up) when they are given the opportunity to 
win your heart. This is much better than handing your heart over on a silver platter 
because you feel a lack of love in your life. This opportunity to win you over is what 
helps him to deeply connect with you and fall in love (thanks to all the hormones and 
brain chemicals). This does not in any way mean manipulating a man or ‘playing hard to 
28 
 
get’. No high-value woman wants to get into a relationship by playing games or 
manipulating someone into being with her. You want a man to come to you all on his 
own because he simply adores you. 
 
The best way to call in your man is to ensure that you are in your feminine energy 
when you are with him. This is why it is so crucial to understand the difference between 
masculine and feminine energy, so you are able to recognise it. Communicating from 
your feminine energy iskey to becoming magnetic to a man because feminine energy is 
so attractive to men. Your feminine energy is like a beacon, radiating out to a man, 
calling him to come home to you. It is the frequency that he can feel and understand 
from a deep and ancient level. 
 
Masculine energy is expressed by doing, planning, making decisions and thinking. 
Believe it or not, giving is also a masculine energy trait because it is action focused or 
‘doing’. For women the problems arise when we try to make something happen in 
dating or relationships. Feminine energy is all about receiving, allowing, experiencing 
and expressing. It is not about working hard to drive the relationship forward or keep 
the momentum going because that is a masculine energy vibe. However, this is 
something we can all find ourselves doing in relationships and sadly, it only serves to 
push a man away. The better alternative is to express our feminine energy which we will 
talk about more as we go along. 
 
When we are dating, we must never pursue a man. When you let a man ‘win’ you 
then he feels good because he is sincerely expressing his masculine energy and you will 
feel good because your life is filled with romance and you are being adored. Sounds 
great, right? Now you might think that you are not chasing a man but sometimes we can 
accidentally slip into pursuing a man in subtle ways which can subconsciously push him 
away. I know I made a lot of these mistakes in my own dating life and managed to drive 
away gorgeous men who were just perfect! It is natural that when we are attracted to a 
man, we want to show him that we are interested otherwise we feel he might lose 
interest and get with some other girl. However, our innocent attempts to reach out or 
connect with him may accidentally give him that wrong message and push him away. 
Pursuing a man can look like this: 
 
• Inviting him out or scheduling social events 
 
• Asking him out or arranging dates 
 
• Initiating calls or texts unless he has asked you to contact him 
 
• Asking him why he hasn’t called you 
 
29 
 
• Initiating contact of any kind – calling, texting, dropping by his house, 
‘innocently’ sending him something that you think he might like. 
 
• Asking him how he feels, especially about you or the relationship 
 
• Driving / travelling to him (expect him to make the most effort). 
 
• Pushing the relationship forward 
 
• Engaging too keenly on his social media (less is more). 
 
• Paying for dates 
 
A feminine energy man will be fine with all of this. But a masculine energy man will 
find it ‘pushy’. To us it feels like we are showing that we care but to a man it actually 
feels like pressure and will create a distance between you both rather than creating the 
deep connection that you desire. These actions may feel like you are just being friendly, 
reciprocating his interest and getting to know him better but in all likelihood we just end 
up taking on the role of the pursuer and this is a big turn off for a guy. 
 
I know this sounds very traditional to let the man lead the way. If you are anything 
like me then you will be resistant to doing it at first and it will feel very unnatural. I 
thought that if I didn’t do all the work, then nothing would happen! And this would be 
true with a feminine energy man but if you are looking for a masculine energy man then 
you can just relax and lean back, letting him take control. He will love it and you will feel 
adored! If you are unsure, then just try it for a few weeks and see the difference for 
yourself. It is always good to try a new approach if your current way isn’t getting results. 
Remember that all of us, male and female have evolved to behave and connect in a 
certain way and when we understand this and honour it in a modern context, then we all 
feel happier, safer and relaxed. When you are ‘too easy’, you cheat the guy out of the 
thrill of the chase and cease to be a challenge. Learn to practice patience and let him 
pursue you. Lean back energetically and let him give to you and enjoy it! 
 
What to do instead 
 
When you are in your feminine energy and dating you can do much less and can 
safely sit back and relax. ‘Doing’ is an action based, masculine energy thing and the 
feminine way is to simply receive. We can manifest our desires from within, simply from 
imagining them and connecting deeply to how our desires make us feel. The key is to be 
open to receive what the man has to offer you. Receive his suggestions and efforts to 
come towards you. Remember you will always have strong boundaries. This is about the 
man gently guiding you both into a committed relationship. Not about you 
30 
 
compromising yourself in any way! Not ever! You can always assert your preferences 
and a man will respect you for knowing who you are and what you want. Dating from 
your feminine energy looks like this: 
 
• Responding to his texts, emails and calls with warmth (but not initiating). 
 
• Responding to his physical advances with warmth (only as much as you want to 
and in your own time, always asserting your boundaries). 
 
• Responding to his offers to take you out on dates with warmth (but not 
initiating). 
 
That’s it. It can feel scary to give up trying to control everything with your guy, but I 
promise it actually feels very relaxing. You can just be working towards your own goals 
and dreams, confidently living your best life while being pursued by a guy (or guys!) you 
find really hot and feel like a goddess! You get to choose who you date. Any man who 
you don’t want to pursue you, you can just politely and gently decline. 
 
There is also a beautiful bonus to dating in this way as it means that men who are 
not real candidates become self-selecting. When you are dating from your beautiful 
feminine essence it means that men who you are not interested in will automatically not 
be attracted to your energy and won’t pursue you. This includes feminine energy men, 
men who are time-wasters, men who weren’t really that into you to begin with, men who 
aren’t looking for a real committed relationship, men who are emotionally unavailable, 
men who are lazy and not high-value, men who only want a hook-up and most toxic 
men, like narcissists. It is really wonderful because dating can take up a lot of time and it 
can feel difficult to fit it in around your work and family life. However, in this feminine 
energy way you are much less likely to get involved with the wrong guy or have your 
time wasted. You can focus on dating from a pool of high-quality eligible men. What 
could be nicer? 
 
Online Dating 
 
Online dating can feel like swimming through murky water but when you approach 
it from the feminine energy perspective, it will help you to navigate it with grace and 
ease. Let’s take a look at what feminine energy dating looks like and how it can help you 
to attract your Soulmate. 
 
Your profile 
 
The most important thing about your profile is that your bio sounds warm. Please 
leave out anything which sounds jaded or hints at your past failed romantic experiences. 
You don’t want to let on that you didn’t act in a high value way in other relationships in 
the past. Keep your tone upbeat and warm. You can focus on all the wonderful things in 
31 
 
your life and a masculine energy man will feel safe to approach you. Remember to smile 
in your profile photo. Research has shown that women who wear red get more hits, so 
you might want to give that a try. Also, having a natural background behind you like a 
forest, beach or lake is beneficial because we are hard-wired to feel drawn to nature and 
it makes us feel relaxed. Hinting at your body shape with form fitting clothing is also 
helpful. You don’t want to wear a bikini or show a lot of cleavage, unless you are just 
looking for a hook-up. However, men are very visual, so find that balance between sexy 
and feminine will get men interested in getting to know you. 
 
Please don’t initiatecontact with men online because this will only result in 
attracting feminine energy men. Make sure you don’t go looking at a guy’s profile if you 
know that the website will reveal that you have been checking him out! All of this is 
action based or masculine energy. You will find your soulmate from the dating pool of 
men who approach you. He will be there, don’t worry! Remember to stay in relaxed and 
responsive energy when connecting to guys online. 
 
Some guys just want to text and text or just email. If you feel stuck and really want it 
to progress with a guy, don’t step into your masculine and try and wrangle a date out of 
him. A simple solution to helping things progress is to say, “It has been wonderful 
chatting to you (by text / email) but a phone call would feel really lovely. What do you 
think?” This is beautiful because you have stayed in your feminine energy by stating 
your preference and telling him how you feel. It is important to let go of any 
expectations or try to control the situation. Stay open to all possibilities and trust that 
the right man for you will step up and pursue you. Now, a man who is not serious will 
bail at this point and not call you. If he continues to try and text or email you without 
moving things forward on his own, then he is just wasting your time and you can simply 
let him go. 
 
Ghosting 
 
It is worth mentioning ghosting here because it can create so much anguish for 
women. Ghosting is a modern phenomenon when a man who you were connecting with 
online or maybe even dating, just disappears! Poof, gone! You’ve no idea what went 
wrong and we can get all caught up in our heads wondering if it was something we’ve 
said or done to make them do a disappearing act. I want to reassure you that it is 
nothing to do with you or anything you have done when this happens. 
 
Online dating is often treated a bit like a video game by lots of men and it can just 
seem like a game having so many women to choose from. There are several scenarios 
why a man would ghost you. It could be that he isn’t that interested in an actual 
relationship. He could be lying about who he is and it was all just a sham. It may be that 
he is pursing another woman and this is no reflection on you, it may just be that he is 
more deeply connected to another girl, perhaps because they have a history together. 
Whatever the issue DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. That guy’s life and what he wants 
32 
 
is nothing to do with you. You cannot control him or manipulate him to get the results 
you were hoping for. The beautiful thing about ghosting is that the man becomes self-
selecting. He is not in the running and you can be sure that your soulmate would not 
ghost you. Remember that rejection is divine protection. If a guy drops out of the chase, 
let him and just say ‘Next’! Trust that the universe has your back and a much better guy 
will show up in no time. 
 
Circular Dating 
 
When you are dating it is really healthy not to get overinvested in just one guy. This 
is why I recommend Circular Dating or dating multiple guys at a time. Keeping a few 
guys in your dating pool and getting to know a few men will have multiple benefits. 
Firstly, it makes you feel really good and keeps the energy positive because you are 
getting lots of masculine energy coming your way and you are meeting new people. 
Practising being in your feminine energy in the presence of men makes it nearly 
impossible to become overly invested too soon. Make sure that the guys you are dating 
are doing all the planning, organising and pursing and that you don’t accidentally fall 
into any of these roles. As a feminine energy woman, you want to feel a man’s energy 
coming towards you. You can just lean back and enjoy your experiences. Remember to 
always assert your boundaries when you are dating. Being in your feminine energy never 
means being a doormat or being compliant. It simply means always staying in touch 
with how you feel. Follow your bliss on this journey and stay in a good feeling place. 
Continually connect to how you feel. Does being with this man feel good? Does the idea 
of going on this date feel good? Ask yourself these questions as you go along and you will 
find that your heart will never lead you astray. 
 
Keeping your options open until a man offers you something serious will 
automatically increase your value in a man’s eyes. You won’t have to say anything about 
it or drop hints. The fact that men are vying for your attention and pursuing you will be 
in your vibe. You simply won’t have time for any man who isn’t actively pursuing you. If 
a man isn’t stepping up, then he will lose you to another more masculine energy man. 
This means that no particular man becomes the only man in the world and you will 
avoid getting attached to a man who really doesn’t have what it takes. 
 
Rejection 
 
Rejection can be very painful and difficult to handle. Sometimes it can be very 
triggering if it mirrors a painful experience that you had in childhood, such as a parent 
leaving which can feel like abandonment. However, rejection is something that in all 
likelihood we will experience at some point while we are dating and it can help to be 
prepared for it. Remember that ‘rejection is divine protection’. In this way, any man who 
‘rejects’ you becomes self-selecting and you know that it wasn’t meant to be and he is 
out of the running. You can just bless him and be grateful that he didn’t waste your time. 
Any man whose energy isn’t consistently coming towards you is not the man for you. 
33 
 
 
You can trust in the wisdom and the divine guidance of the universe that there is 
someone better out there for you. Always stay in the present moment and enjoy the 
experience. If a man that you are really vibing with disappears and you never hear from 
him again, simply be grateful for the experience and that you got to have those feelings 
of connection and know that you will be able to connect even deeper with the right man. 
Rejection can feel disappointing but try to stay in good feeling energy and not dwell on 
any perceived set-backs. You will soon find that you are back to enjoying yourself in the 
company of gorgeous men who want to win your heart. 
 
Dating the high value woman way 
 
There are certain behaviours that high-value women have which help you to date in 
a way that is fun and graceful. For example, you can send out a positive message by 
getting your guy to fit in around your schedule when you are planning dates. If you only 
have 15 minutes on Saturday afternoon, then only offer him that. Don’t twist yourself 
into pretzel trying to fit him into your busy life. You can also let your man travel to you, 
to where it’s convenient. Never travel to meet a guy, not unless he has got it all planned 
out and organised on your behalf. You don’t want to be spending your gas money getting 
to see a guy. Give your man the chance to step-up because this is part of him winning 
your heart. I recommend short dates to begin with as well, like a quick coffee. This will 
‘test the water’ and you can just make sure that he can string a sentence together and 
smells good! There is nothing worse than being stuck on a long dinner date with some 
creepy guy! You can progress to longer dates when you feel comfortable and know him a 
little better. 
 
When you are dating, it is nice to physically lean back from a man. A masculine 
energy man who is interested in you will instinctively lean forward and come towards 
you, to close the gap between you. You will be sure of his attraction for you if he does 
this. Masculine energy men prefer ‘action’ dates or dates where you are sharing an 
activity together. This could mean going for a walk in the park or spending some time at 
the beach or hiking somewhere beautiful. Men enjoy talking but talking does not bring a 
man closer or make him connect with you in the way that women experience. He simply 
isn’t wired that way. By enjoying sharedactivities, you will maximise your potential for 
deep bonding and he will feel closer to you when you do things together. 
 
Another helpful tip when dating is to consider your conversational style when you 
are with a guy. Try not to fire questions at him, like it is an interview. I know that I often 
did this myself when I was dating. On the surface it looks like we are just trying to find 
out what we have in common and really seem interested in him and get to know him. I 
thought this was the pinnacle of great interpersonal skills but unfortunately this 
journalist style questioning is very off-putting to a man. It is results orientated and this 
is masculine energy. A better approach would be to start by relaxing and letting things 
unfold at their own pace. Remember you are a goddess on a pedestal so there is nothing 
34 
 
wrong with being enigmatic. It gives a man a mystery to solve and he will keep on 
coming back for more. Let everything you say come from a genuine place of interest, 
based on what is in your heart. It is also not your job to keep the conversation flowing. 
Don’t do the man’s job for him by filling in any lulls in the conversation. You can just 
lean back and relax. Men naturally aren’t as proficient at conversation as women are. 
You might have picked up on this if you have ever listened to guys talking to each other 
in a bar! Most men really appreciate a little lull in the conversation and like the ‘space’ it 
gives them. Your man will come up with something to say, I promise! 
 
Dating Red Flags 
 
Dating should be a really fun and rewarding experience and that is my hope for you 
as you get out there and shine your beautiful feminine light. However, it is important 
that you educate yourself about potential abusers such as Pick Up Artists and narcissists 
who can prey on and con even the most intelligent girl. Pick Up Artist and narcissistic 
men use covert tactics to manipulate and control you such as love-bombing, future-
faking and escalated intimacy to get what they want whether that be sex or attention or 
both. 
 
When you are in a ‘good place’ and are living at a high-vibrational frequency, then it 
is unlikely that you will attract one of these vampiric and abusive personalities. They are 
repelled from women who are strong in themselves and have solid boundaries. They just 
can’t get under the skin of a woman who is that much in her own power. But always 
trust your intuition about any potential date. If something feels ‘icky’ or ‘off’ then trust 
yourself. Don’t wait for further proof just get out of it and don’t doubt your powerful 
intuition because your gut instinct is really a hint from your subconscious mind that 
your conscious mind simply hasn’t had the time to process yet. Your intuition is much 
better than waiting for more facts. Please educate yourself about PUAs and narcissists so 
you will know immediately if you meet one. I have included some resources at the back 
of this book. 
 
 
Mr Right 
 
The ultimate secret to attracting a successful and committed relationship is to 
choose the right man to begin with. So often, we fall in love with a man’s potential and 
not who he is right now. Look at the man you are dating with complete clarity, not your 
hormones. What do you see? As a high-value woman and a queen, you must not settle 
for anything less than a king. A prince or a commoner or just a boy simply won’t cut it 
when you are letting your radiant light shine. You need to determine if the man sitting 
opposite you on your date is a quality guy. The best way to do this is by assessing how 
well he hears and responds to your needs and desires. Rather than trying to read a guy’s 
mind, confidently communicate your needs to him. In this way you become the creator 
35 
 
of your own love life and a man who respects you for this is a quality man. You can use 
the following qualifiers to determine if a man is right for you: 
 
 
1. Availability 
On your dating journey you may have found out that sadly, ‘single’ doesn’t always 
mean emotionally available. Listen carefully to what he says to determine if he 
really has room for someone else in his life. Perhaps he is too busy with work, 
hung-up on a former girlfriend or not really looking for a serious relationship? 
 
2. Career 
Many men, as you may know derive a lot of self-esteem from their career. If a 
man’s career is going well then he is more likely to be satisfied in life and feel 
settled. Does he sound demotivated by work or is he excited and progressing 
towards his career goals? He may not have the focus that a relationship requires 
if he is feeling lost regarding his work life. 
 
3. Emotional Maturity 
It is possible to gauge the level of a guy’s emotional maturity quite quickly into 
getting to know him. Is he able to tolerate stressful situations without losing it? 
Does he sulk or is he able to express himself and communicate with you? 
 
4. Life 
Talking to a man about his interests will reveal a lot about him. Does this man 
have a life or does he just sit indoors, in the dark, playing computer games? A 
King will always have interesting things going on such as playing on a sports team 
or volunteering. This is a good indication that he has the energy and focus to 
create a good life for himself and therefore a good relationship, when the time 
comes. 
 
5. Peers 
The people who a man surrounds himself with will tell you a lot about what kind 
of man he is. If his buddies are immature and acting or still living like college 
students then he is probably the same. A man with friends who are in committed 
relationships, are married or have children is more likely to be in the same mind 
set as his peers. If he has good friendships and treats his friends well then this is 
an excellent indicator of the sort of quality man that he is. 
 
6. Mental Health, addictions and baggage. 
Sadly, many people suffer with mental health issues such as depression as well as 
addictions like gambling or alcohol. Some people can carry a lot of baggage from 
past relationships or even their childhood. A king will have beaten his demons 
and will be free of unhealthy patterns and behaviours. Of course nobody is perfect 
36 
 
and when you are in a relationship, you weather the storms of life together. 
However, your relationship is more likely to be successful if you choose a man 
who is healthy in mind and body from the outset. If he has problems you need to 
see strong evidence that he is actively working towards solving them and getting 
the help he needs. 
 
7. Intuition 
A guy may look good ‘on paper’ but what is your intuition telling you? Never 
ignore these little ‘twinges’ or subtle feelings. When you listen to your intuition, it 
will never lead you astray. 
 
Making a commitment to yourself to choose the right man to begin with and use a 
mixture of your heart and your head will save you from a whole heap of pain and wasted 
time further down the road. In this way you can create a relationship which is fulfilling 
and successful. 
 
Sex 
 
In the dating game a man will think of you in 1 of 4 ways and it can be interesting to 
use your women’s intuition to gauge where a guy is at. These are: 
 
• Not interested 
• Friend zone 
• Friends with benefits 
• Interested in sex AND something more long term. 
 
Often, we believe that by using our feminine wiles and giving a man ‘what he wants’ 
then we will increase the connection and move the relationship forward, faster. But it is 
a myth. If you are looking for a relationship and have sex with a man too early, he will 
lose interest and be gone. If a man is pushy or impatient for sex, then it is a clear sign 
that he is not interested in getting to know you or developing the connection any further. 
 
A man who is interested in you and is considering something more long term will 
wait for sex. He will be patient if he is serious. The beautiful thing about waiting a while 
before you become physicallyintimate is that a guy has the opportunity to evaluate his 
feelings and how he feels about the potential for a relationship rather than being 
distracted by sex. Ultimately this builds a stronger foundation for a lasting relationship. 
 
When women have sex with a guy, this connection usually becomes ‘a relationship’ 
or something more serious than it actually is, in her mind. This is because women often 
create strong bonds during physical intimacy. However, the guy might be on a totally 
different page or not even reading the same book! For a man physical intimacy alone 
simply doesn’t create the feelings of a strong bond with a woman and it isn’t what brings 
37 
 
him closer. It is vital to understand the difference between men and women in this 
respect. A greater understanding of this fact will give you greater clarity as you are 
dating and help you to understand a guy’s behaviour. 
 
This really is a big secret that guys keep from us; that they are willing to wait for sex 
from the right woman. Men love a challenge and the more he has the opportunity to 
‘win’ you, the more you increase your value in his eyes. Now remember, you are gold and 
if he prefers silver, that’s OK. If he wants to go chasing after a bunch of girls who are just 
silver, then let him. Stay in your feminine energy, radiating your worth as gold and the 
right man will step up for you and enjoy winning your heart. 
 
Rose tinted glasses 
 
When you have chemistry with a guy, it feels so good. You can feel like you are on 
Cloud Nine and you just feel magical. So often, we base our relationships on this 
chemistry but sadly chemistry is not a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. 
 
A woman may feel strong chemistry with a guy and this instantly makes her feel 
bonded and connected to him in a deep way. However, a man won’t necessarily interpret 
chemistry as a bond and he may not feel the same way as you do. For a man chemistry is 
more of a physical and sexual thing whereas a woman feels it sexually but also as an 
emotional bond. It can be really helpful to recognize that you and your guy may be 
experiencing this feeling differently, so that you don’t end up with crossed wires. Just 
because a guy wants to spend more time with you, don’t assume that you are in a 
relationship. Men and women can see this very differently and he may not be thinking 
this way at all! 
 
It is so easy to put on our rose-tinted glasses when we are first seeing someone. We 
tend to exaggerate their virtues and minimize their faults or flaws, so we don’t get a 
balanced picture of who we are dating. A helpful and emotionally mature way of 
assessing his potential as a partner is to take a big picture view of the situation, without 
your rose-tinted glasses! Try to be objective and look past the chemistry, to whether he 
has the skills to be in a real relationship and see if he is at the right stage in his life to 
consider something serious with you. You need more than chemistry in common to 
make a long-lasting connection. Take into account interests you have in common, his 
values (this is a big one) and the level at which you are able to communicate. 
 
Why not keep early interactions fun and flirty? There’s no need to rush ahead in 
your mind, planning the future. Use those early dates to get to know him better and 
really get the measure of what kind of man he is. Is he a king? Remember, a guy wants 
someone to get to know him, for him. If he gets a sense that you are just looking to get a 
ring on your finger or find a baby daddy then he will know that you have an agenda and 
it will kill the attraction. 
 
38 
 
Generally speaking, women attach more easily to a guy because of the way we are 
wired hormonally. Men have a much lower threshold for emotional potential and don’t 
bond as easily. In order to create a great bond with a guy, you must give him the time 
and space to process his emotions because he’ll be a bit slower coming to conclusions 
than you are. This can feel frustrating but accepting that this is naturally part of the 
male character can make it easier to understand what is going on in his mind. You can 
encourage him to get closer to you by being in your feminine energy and sharing feeling 
messages with him at times when you feel especially bonded to him. This will give him a 
much better understanding of what makes you happy and gives him a guide as to how to 
get closer to you. In this way you will build attraction and a strong bond which will 
complement the chemistry you feel and create a wonderful and lasting relationship. 
 
How men test women 
 
During the dating phase, men will often test women to see how much of a challenge 
they are and to see if you have healthy boundaries. Here are some examples of how men 
might test women: 
 
• Flirting with other girls while he is with you. 
• Being hot and cold 
• Triangulating you (comparing you to other women or his exes) 
• Pulling away or being distant. 
• Name calling 
• Baiting you into chasing him 
• Making you do all the work. 
• Raising his voice. 
• Coming on strong to get you into bed 
• Pushing your buttons to see if you will ‘lose it’ and act crazy. 
 
There are a few important things to know about these tests: if a man does this once 
or twice it is fine, however if he is doing this all the time then it is a big red flag. This is 
non-verbal communication which is telling you that he is emotionally immature and 
probably not ready for a real committed relationship. It doesn’t mean that he is a bad 
guy – but it does mean that he hasn’t learned good communication skills. It may be 
something that he learned as a child from watching the adults in his life. It doesn’t 
matter how wonderful he is, he probably won’t have what it takes to make an actual 
relationship work. The other thing worth knowing when he tries to test you, is that he is 
telling you loud and clear that he feels insecure! Regardless of how he is trying to play 
you, his behaviour is an expression of low self-esteem. Only a man who doesn’t value 
himself will try and keep a woman in his life based on making her feel insecure. It is like 
playing emotional ‘hot-potato’ – he is trying to pass those uncomfortable feelings of low 
self-worth onto you. I think it is very interesting when you view it from this perspective. 
 
39 
 
When a man is trying to test you, simply don’t rise to it. You must exercise 
emotional control. This doesn’t mean you are a doormat – it simply means that you 
aren’t playing the game. When there is no audience, there is no show. You can reward 
the behaviour which makes you feel good (by using feeling statements) but if he tries to 
undermine you or play you – just ignore it. He will either lose interest because he was 
only interested in games in the first place or he will change his tack. Never reward a 
guy’s negativity. Make sure you have always got something better to do than go crazy 
and lose your head over some guy. When we become highly emotional it gives him too 
much security which kills the attraction. Also, it gives him a carte blanche to treat you 
with disrespect and walk all over you. 
 
One of my girlfriends went on a date with a guy who she was getting on very well 
with. She was developing deep feelings for him and she felt like the relationship was 
really ‘going somewhere’. Her guy came to pick her up for their date, but he didn’t kiss 
her or show any warmth like he usually did – he was cold and just said ‘hey’. They went 
on the date, but he continued to be cold and unaffectionate. He even took a call and 
arranged another date, right in front of her! However, she played it cool and even 
though she felt crushed inside, she wore her ‘poker face’ and carried on like normal. At 
no point did she try and claim him by putting her hands all over him or acting crazy. He 
then decided to end the date early and drive her home. 
 
In the car on the way home, he actually had tears in his eyes. My friendgot out of 
the car and made it as far as her front door before he leapt out of the car and swooped 
her up in his arms. He cancelled his other ‘date’ and they spent the rest of the day 
together and had a wonderful, warm and affectionate time together. What had 
happened? Essentially, the guy was feeling insecure and instead of just telling her how 
he felt, he tried to bait her into reacting. If she had acted crazy, she would have validated 
her feelings for him. The problem with this would be that she would have given him a 
big dose of security and men feel ‘off’ when they feel too secure in a relationship. By not 
reacting to him, she showed that she was a high value woman and that he needed to put 
the effort in and chase her, if he wanted her in his life. Clever girl! 
 
My husband is the nicest guy in the world but a few months into our relationship, he 
tested me. He had become more distant, but I just let him get on with it because 
sometimes guys need a bit of space, as we now know. Then his behaviour became 
distorted due to the strong feelings he was experiencing. He recognized that this was a 
significant relationship and his life and responsibilities were changing and it made him 
feel stressed. One day he completely lost it and was shouting at me and even throwing 
things everywhere. I never shouted back. I just picked up my bag and walked out – 
leaving him in the cold, far from my feminine warmth, with just his rage for company. 
 
My mobile phone had died and I wandered the streets of the city for a couple of 
hours. Eventually my husband found me, sitting on a swing in the park. He was so 
relieved to see me! He got down on his knees and kissed my shoes – in public, saying 
40 
 
how sorry he was and begging for me to come back. From that day he has always treated 
me like a goddess on a pedestal – even though I am just an ordinary girl. But I had 
asserted my boundaries without even saying anything and he respected me for it. He 
now knew that he needed to level-up to be with me and work out his issues. After that 
incident, he always worked hard to provide for me, did thoughtful and romantic things 
and anticipated my needs. 
 
Remember if a man raises his voice to you, just leave him to it. Do not engage. Just 
go for a walk and take yourself away from the situation. When a man is left alone with 
his own anger, he will soon work it out. However a guy tries to push your buttons, he is 
simply showing you that he is insecure about himself or your feelings for him. Don’t give 
attention to negativity of any kind because the negativity will grow and the attraction 
will diminish. There are some men who just love getting negative attention. Rather than 
respect, love and affection they court drama. This is often a childhood pattern where 
they learned to get their needs met in the family by ‘acting out’ or creating a lot of fuss. 
There is no place for this is an adult relationship and it is not up to you to rescue him or 
take responsibility for his need to work through his issues and grow. 
 
The Seduction 
 
A man who has progressed from a boy into manhood will be in his natural role of 
protector and provider. Sadly, in our modern Western society we don’t have any official 
ceremony which marks the passing of a boy into a man. I think women have these 
milestones naturally, as we begin menstruation as well as childbirth. Many men don’t 
even realise they are men now and stay in a stage of arrested development, where they 
behave like boys, playing games and eschewing responsibility. Perhaps you know a guy 
like this? Perhaps you have dated one? 
 
The single key to success in dating is to give a man the thrill of the chase. We need to 
stop this nonsense of chasing and seducing men. We have been given a false impression 
by the media (often pop videos, pornography and also Hollywood movies) that it is up to 
women to seduce men. We do this by sending naked pictures, wearing sexy lingerie, 
doing sexy dances or just taking ages to get ready for a date and then acting like a ‘nice 
girl’. We are competing for his attention. It is not up to us to compete against other 
women – it is up to him to compete against other men and catch a high value woman for 
himself. So, switch the roles and let a man chase you! When we do all the work for him 
then there is no reason for him to do anything and he can just sit back and act like a 
princess. 
 
When we try to impress a man, we are giving away our power. You don’t need to 
change for a man to be loved. My friend had a boyfriend who asked her to wear less 
make-up, even though a full make-up look was what she loved. She did it for him, but he 
lost all respect for her. She became less of a challenge and she gave away her power. The 
relationship didn’t work out. Men and women and designed to complement each other, 
41 
 
not to compete for the masculine role in the partnership, nor to switch roles so that he 
becomes the princess and you wear yourself out chasing him and acting like the man. 
 
The more hoops a man has to jump through, the more value you will have in his 
eyes. When you have strong boundaries and know who you are, then a guy will have to 
create a strategy for how to win you over. A man just loves strategizing and it puts him 
in his masculine zone. When you express your boundaries, you will show a man that you 
are not scared to lose him and this means that he will get scared of losing you. The 
harder he has to try, the more of a prize you are. A friend of mine wanted to be closer to 
her family and planned to move to Australia where her family live (she was currently 
living in the UK). Her boyfriend was so keen to be with her that he asked to move with 
her. She told him that he could but that he would have to get his own place and they 
would live in Australia separately – but this wasn’t enough for him, so he asked her to 
marry him. This is the sort of challenge that a healthy masculine man will thrive on! My 
friend wasn’t afraid to lose him and put her own needs first. This is so attractive to a 
guy. It basically made her a magnet to high value men. 
 
Men naturally have much higher levels of testosterone than us. They are born 
hunters and fighters. You do not need to spoil your man. The more you let him take on 
his masculine role and the more you embrace your feminine role, the better you both 
will feel and it will create electric chemistry and an amazingly strong bond. A man 
doesn’t want a woman who will look after him; cooking him meals and making him 
breakfast in bed. If that is what he wants, then he is looking for a maid or a mother. 
Don’t take on any of these roles. The man is the protector or pursuer. It is natural for 
him to give and it is natural for you to receive. Be careful of giving too much to your man 
because this creates a feeling of safety and certainty for him. This is the opposite of his 
love need: the need for uncertainty and challenge. 
 
When you put yourself first, then men will put your first too. A girl who knows how 
to make herself happy is very attractive so concentrate on yourself – your goals, dreams, 
bliss and ambitions. You will find that high value men will soon be concentrating on 
you! 
 
Feminine Energy Texting 
 
Texting or messaging plays a large part in dating so it is essential to have your 
feminine energy skills up to scratch. Here are some quick tips to texting success so that 
you can draw your man closer rather than accidently stepping into masculine energy or 
the role of pursuer which pushes him away: 
 
• Don’t send a text which is longer than the text he sent you. He needs to be 
making the biggest effort. 
 
• Never double text him because it looks to keen and is chasing. 
42 
 
 
• Don’t send insecure messages like ‘where are you?’, ‘is everything OK between 
us?’ or ‘what are you doing?’. This is giving your power away and you are stroking 
his ego. Let him be the insecure one, wondering what you are upto! 
 
• Never say ‘call me later’ or ‘text me later’. This is telling him what to do and 
borders on nagging. Let your man do his job. He will contact you when he wants 
to and in the meantime you can be busy living your amazing life. 
 
• Never text him to thank him for the date. Remember to thank him on the date, in 
person and then you won’t have to reach out to him. 
 
• If you are chatting via message then be sure to use feeling statements. Don’t just 
describe your day, paint a picture of your experiences and how they made you 
feel. This will bring you closer and you may be rewarded with a call! 
 
• If he doesn’t text or call you for a while, then don’t over-react. Maybe he needs 
some space. When he does reach out, then you can tell him how you feel. You can 
say ‘I felt a little disappointed when you didn’t call’ or ‘It feels so good to hear 
your voice’. This is a very feminine way of dealing with hot and cold behaviour or 
ghosting. You are telling him how he makes you feel while also be in control of 
your emotions. Very attractive! 
 
• Respond to his texts, don’t initiate them. Responding is very feminine and makes 
you mysterious. He will wonder what you are doing when you so quiet! 
 
• Don’t get into long text chats. Men will message women until sunset because they 
like the attention, but it doesn’t mean that he likes you. Connect with him and 
then call it a day. Tell him you have got to go because you are so busy. You have 
better things to do than be his chat bot. If he wants to spend quality time with you 
then he had better ask you out before someone else does! 
 
• When he texts you, always respond with warmth. He will be able to feel your 
feminine energy – even by text! 
 
 
Dating Tips 
 
A masculine energy man should always pay for dates and travel expenses. This 
doesn’t mean that you should always do expensive things. You can just have an ice 
cream together in the park. When a man pays, he shows that he is willing to invest in 
you and that he believes you are worth the investment. A masculine energy man is 
43 
 
naturally a provider and should be happy to provide for a woman. He should feel good 
about it. When he doesn’t pay then he is risking you declining the next date. If he wants 
to impress you then he will happily pay for the date. 
 
When you let a man go 50/50 at the beginning when you are just starting out then 
you can be sure that your whole life with him will be a 50/50 compromise. A man who 
will not invest in you in this way will either be in his feminine energy or has not fully 
embraced his role as an adult male provider. If the conversation turns to who will pay on 
the date, then you can tell him that you are traditional. Most healthy men will respect 
this. Remember, if he doesn’t invest in you at the beginning then he will never invest in 
you, not financially or emotionally. I know that women earn their own money but your 
money is for supporting yourself, not for impressing or supporting a guy. 
 
If he expects anything from you because he paid for the date, then this is 
manipulation. You don’t need to give a guy oral sex (or anything else) because he bought 
you dinner. A man who operates on this level is immature and pathetic. If this is how he 
sees being with you as transactional then he can just have his money back and you can 
get out of there! 
 
Never agree to a last-minute date. If a man invites you out at the last minute or 
round to his house late in the evening then tell him you are busy, even if you are just at 
home in your PJs. A guy needs to know that he needs to make a proper arrangement and 
have made some solid plans if he wants to have access to you and your awesomeness. 
Always keep yourself busy so he has to squeeze into your schedule of amazing things to 
do and dates with great guys! Don’t agree to a booty call because you think you can win 
him over by giving him sex, girls who will give him booty calls are ten-a-penny. You can 
raise yourself up and show your high value by only being available for real dates. I know 
it can be tempting to turn up at his house or see him on your own doorstep when you 
think he is so hot, but you won’t keep his interest for very long and probably just get 
your heart broken. 
 
Take it slow and steady and show him what a rare find you are, worth the effort. 
Remember when a man pursues, puts in effort and invests in a woman then he feels 
great and he will want to be around you because you become the source of that great 
feeling. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
44 
 
 
Chapter 4 
Communicating with your man 
 
 
Many couples experience problems communicating with each other and this is an 
age-old issue between men and women. When it comes to communicating with guys it is 
important to know how to talk with him in a way that he can actually hear. Whether you 
are currently dating or moving into a more serious relationship, the following skills will 
really help you to become an excellent communicator. They will show you how to 
express your needs to a man in a way that he can easily understand and respond to. 
 
Actions speak louder than words 
 
We are all familiar with experiencing a communication break-down with our guy, or 
a time when we simply don’t understand what is happening in the relationship. The 
most common question I hear from women is ‘does he like/love me?’ or ‘how can I find 
out how he is feeling?’. It is their mission to get to the bottom of this burning question 
and they can tie themselves in knots trying to figure out what is going on with him. 
There is one easy way to know what is going on with your guy in any situation: look at 
his ACTIONS. His actions will tell you everything you need to know. 
 
A man’s energy must be coming towards you consistently. He must be giving to you 
and taking positive action towards making you happy. This can mean arranging dates, 
calling you, keeping his promises, making time for you, doing thoughtful things, helping 
you out, making your life easier for you, cooking for you, or organising and planning 
future events. It also means initiating contact and affection. These are positive actions 
and clearly show that his energy is coming towards you consistently. If he is not doing 
these things, but is keeping you waiting, messing you around, keeping you guessing or 
being hot and cold, then his energy is not coming towards you. This is a direct indication 
of how important you are to him, i.e. not very. I know this can be hard to hear and feel 
painful but isn’t it better to know? When you apply this rule of looking at his actions you 
will never be in the dark about how a man feels about you ever again! You won’t need to 
‘work him out’ or try and wrestle an answer out of him. A man is always telling you how 
he feels about you, with his ACTIONS. 
 
What he says to you isn’t necessarily a true reflection of his feelings. Men want to 
make a woman happy and it is easy to make her happy by tossing a few ‘I LOVE YOUs’ 
out there. It really doesn’t matter what sweet nothings he is whispering to you or the 
promises he makes. His words can be very compelling but the only thing that matters is 
his behaviour towards you. How is he actively investing in the relationship and trying to 
make you happy? It doesn’t mean that he is deliberately lying; perhaps he has good 
45 
 
intentions and means what he says at the time, so it can be confusing when he is saying 
one thing but doing another. When you let his actions speak louder than his words, you 
will always know where you stand. 
Actions really do speak louder than words, particularly the words that he isn’t 
saying. If your man isn’t talking about commitment, marriage, the future, meeting his 
family, having kids, moving-in together, spending more time together etc, it’s because 
he isn’t thinking about it and doesn’t want to. This is called indirect communication. 
When a man is serious then he will tell you directly, but his silence is wortha thousand 
words. What he isn’t saying is often a clearer indicator of what is going on in the 
relationship than what he is saying. Learning to read between the lines like this can help 
you to instantly know where you stand and potentially save you from heartbreak. 
However, there is still hope. 
 
If you want your man to be more invested in you, or you would like a deeper 
commitment from him, then we will explore this in greater detail in the chapter, 
Commitment Connections. The first step is to understand what your guy is thinking and 
feeling about your relationship by looking at his actions and paying attention to his 
indirect communication. This will give you a lot of clarity about your situation. You can 
use this information to help you to decide whether to move on from him or if there is 
anything you can do to shift the dynamics in the connection. This is an empowered place 
to be because it can stop you wasting your time with Mr Wrong but equally give you the 
skills to potentially transform an unfulfilling or unhappy relationship. 
 
When a man withdraws emotionally 
 
If you find that your man is pulling away or he is not as invested in the relationship 
as he once was, this can feel disappointing or even devastating. However, this 
withdrawal process is actually completely natural when a man feels very close to a 
woman. When a man spends a lot of time with a woman, he creates high levels of the 
hormone oxytocin – this is the love and bonding hormone made by both men and 
women and helps us to feel close and connected. Unfortunately, when a man is flooded 
with oxytocin this hormone decreases testosterone and he will start to feel a little ‘off’. 
This will manifest as needing some space to re-centre. 
 
Think about it this way; men and women are not designed to spend all their time 
together or cohabit in a house. Throughout human evolution, the man and woman 
would spend some time together and then he would go off, maybe for days, to hunt and 
gather food. During this time, he would be replenishing his testosterone reserves. This is 
the pattern with which we have evolved but in our modern society there is no natural 
‘space’ for a guy to replenish his testosterone and maintain his natural hormonal 
equilibrium. He simply can’t keep flooding his body with oxytocin in the same way a 
woman can. 
 
46 
 
A man has two contrasting needs which, on the face of it, aren’t at all 
complementary. He has the need for attachment (to bond with a woman) and the need 
for freedom. This is often referred to as the engage / isolate pattern. He wants to engage 
with you and then he needs to isolate himself. This is a very deep urge within him, and it 
is part of what makes him a man. 
 
Sadly, when a woman sees her man withdrawing, she mistakes his natural need for 
space as a sign that he is losing interest and she panics! However, now that you know 
about the engage / isolate cycle you can relax and know that he is just doing his man 
thing. A frequent reaction to a man pulling away is to rush towards him, into his ‘space’. 
This can mean wanting to have ‘The Talk’ about the relationship, trying to convince him 
to come back or overloading him with a lot of intense emotions. This only creates more 
distance and can really backfire because this urge to ‘lean forward’ energetically and 
emotionally is actually our masculine energy at play. This can destroy the attraction 
between you, and what was in fact a natural process becomes the death knell to the 
relationship. 
 
The solution is to remain in your beautiful feminine energy. By simply being open 
and vulnerable, you create the space for your man to come forward. This will feel really 
surprising to a man because he probably won’t have met a woman who gives him the 
space he needs before. This will massively increase your value in his eyes. A woman who 
gives him this time and space in a cool and collected way is really attractive to a guy. He 
will feel a deep sense of safety with her because she is meeting his deep needs of both 
attachment and freedom. The wonderful thing about this is that when he feels this safe 
with you, he won’t withdraw as far or for as long the next time and this will build a 
deeper and lasting bond between you both. When we know better, we do better. Now 
that you understand about the engage / isolate cycle then you will recognize it when it 
happens and feel cool and collected, safe in the knowledge that you are honouring 
thousands of years of evolution. 
 
If you feel your guy withdrawing and needing space, then the best thing to do is to 
take your focus off the man and put it back onto yourself where it belongs! Instead of 
getting all ‘up in your head’ about a guy (masculine mental energy) or ending up 
succumbing to the feeling of urgency and chasing him, either physically or energetically, 
bring your attention back to you and what is going on in your life. This will help you to 
feel grounded and is a win-win situation. When you are invested in chasing your dreams 
(not a man) then this creates the energetic space for him to come back towards you. It is 
a funny thing that often occurs; when we are waiting and hoping for a man to come 
back, he literally can’t. We are leaning forward into his space, energetically. When we 
lean back energetically, into the feminine and truly let go, then he can come back easily. 
This is why cultivating and expressing your feminine energy is so important as it will 
really ramp up the attraction. 
 
 
47 
 
 
Rejection 
 
Rejection is a natural experience when we are dating. Sometimes we are doing the 
rejecting and sometimes we are the one to be rejected. Please know that whatever the 
reason for it not working out, it wasn’t your fault. You have no idea what is going on in 
someone else’s heart or head. Maybe he is afraid of commitment? Maybe the 
relationship triggered childhood wounds which he needs to heal? Maybe he is 
emotionally unavailable because he isn’t over his ex? Or maybe he is just a bad-ass that 
you are better off without! Whatever the reason, know that you are an amazing goddess. 
Only the wrong man would abandon you. It means that the Universe is making space in 
your life to bring you the right man and a beautiful relationship. It is natural to want to 
control things, but I truly believe that the universe is a better judge of who is right for us. 
The universe has a ‘big picture’ view of your life and heart and will bring you the right 
man at exactly the right time. I call this letting the universe bring you the ‘Divine 
Selection.’ This means that you invite the universe to bring you the man who has been 
divinely selected for you to bring you the greatest happiness and fulfilment in your life. 
If you feel very invested in one man and things are not going as well as you had hoped or 
he is not returning your feelings, then it may be time to ‘let go and let God’. Ask the 
universe to supply you with the Divine Selection and, by so doing, you will attract either 
the current man you have your heart set on, or his equivalent - someone with whom you 
will experience an even deeper connection and love. When your goal is simply to 
manifest the Divine Selection, you will find that things work out in the most magical of 
ways! 
 
When a man tells you how he feels, believe him 
 
Often, we can adopt selective hearing when it comes to men and what they have to 
say. It is my experience that people always tell you who they really are and often quite 
early on into a conversation. When a guy tells you that he doesn’t believe in marriage, 
believe him! If marriage is something you want, and you desire that level of 
commitment from a man, he is telling you, loud and clear, that he isn’t your man! It isn’t 
an invitation to persuade him otherwise or chase him all the way to the church! You and 
this man just aren’t in alignment and you will save yourself a whole heap of pain and 
heartache if you believe what he says. If aman expresses early on in your friendship that 
he doesn’t want to get married, never see this as a challenge - please just accept that he 
isn’t for you. Learning to listen to people in this way and really hear what they are 
saying, rather than what we would like them to say, will make a big difference to how 
you interact with men and how you feel. It is like having a superpower because you gain 
a unique insight into what is going on with people. This gives you a wonderful advantage 
and the opportunity to experience a successful and fun dating life. 
 
Men (and people in general) will always tell you how they feel about you in overt or 
covert ways - they just can’t help it. If a man is openly, or even subtly, putting you down, 
48 
 
then he is telling you that he doesn’t respect you and has no desire to make you happy. 
This is different from a man putting his foot in it. Everybody says things that are crass 
and thoughtless from time to time, it is human nature. But if the behaviour happens a 
few times then it is a pattern and you need to listen up! You are the prize. You are a 
goddess. Don’t accept any disrespect from a man. When a man is being disrespectful, 
you don’t need to call him out on it. Just be classy and walk away. It is a strong message 
to the universe about what you will and will not accept. The universe can only bring you 
as much good as you are willing to accept, so make it your mission to only accept the 
best! 
 
The Cave 
 
Men and women deal with stress, misunderstandings and fights in totally different 
ways. Women like to talk things over, perhaps for hours. We want to analyse and chew it 
over from all different angles. In order to process our emotions, we need to discuss them 
so as to move the energy through and out of us. A man, on the other hand, does not want 
to do this. I need to tell you that this next piece of information literally changed my life. 
When a man feels a lot of strong emotions, he gets overloaded and just shuts down. I 
call this going into The Cave! It is quite sweet really. Guys have a much lower threshold 
for emotional turbulence and will become ‘flooded’ with emotion. In order not to drown, 
he will need to distract himself and retract from the situation to deal with it. This is how 
he feels better and gains perspective. He needs SPACE. 
 
The problem comes when we get into his space and try to ‘talk things through’. Bless 
men, they just can’t handle it! Understanding this can transform your relationship with 
a man. Instead of feeling frustrated and shut out, you have this deep understanding of 
what your man needs. It isn’t that he doesn’t care or won’t be able to talk about it at a 
future point, but in the moment, he needs space to deal with it. That’s it. When you 
respect his need for space, and that he needs some time in the Cave, you can feel safe 
and know that he will come out when he is good and ready. My husband doesn’t go in 
the cave very often. Sometimes he will go in there and I won’t even know for a while. 
Acceptance, however, is the key. Simply accept that your guy is processing his emotions 
in his own masculine way and he will be back to his usual self really soon. If you really 
need to talk and vent, then call a trusted friend and talk it through with her. Or you can 
do some journaling to gain some clarity and write it out on the page. In this way, you 
will both feel better. 
 
Feeling with meaning 
 
In general men are ‘closer’ to the physical world and women are ‘closer’ to the 
spiritual world, energetically speaking. A part of men’s attraction for us is that they want 
to get closer to the more spiritual and emotional world, in the same way that being with 
a strong man can make us feel grounded and secure. A way to help your man get closer 
to you and to talk to him in a way he truly understands is to always express how you are 
49 
 
feeling. Using feeling messages is the magical key to unlock a man’s heart. Men want to 
be inside us, to inhabit us, not just through sex but emotionally as well. Let’s take a 
deeper look at feeling messages and how they can magnetically draw your man closer. 
 
There is a common misconception that men can’t handle our emotions and don’t 
want an emotional woman, but this is a myth. Men actually love our emotionality and 
find it magnetic when it is expressed in a healthy way. If a woman’s emotions are the 
ocean, then a man is the solid rock over which the waves can break. The first step is to 
identify how you feel. Often, we don’t know how we feel until our emotions have reached 
a crisis point. How do you feel right now? How do you feel in your body? Do you feel 
comfort anywhere in your body, or discomfort? Do you feel cold? What can you smell in 
the air? Do you feel at ease or is there negative energy gathered anywhere inside you? 
Perhaps a little tightness in your heart or a heaviness in your belly? Learning to tune-in 
to your body’s sensations is the foundation of expressing your feminine energy. So often 
we are accustomed to spending time in our heads and over-thinking things. But getting 
in touch with how you feel physically and emotionally places you in your feminine 
power. 
 
When you know how you feel, physically and emotionally, and can access your 
feeling state at any time, then you can verbally express it to your man or, indeed, to men 
in general. Letting a man know how you feel makes him light up! Remember, a healthy 
man who is attracted to you will be desperate to make you happy, so don’t make him 
guess what it takes! Tell him how you feel! He will love to get this insight into your body 
and what it is to be you. In real life expressing how you feel to a man can look like this; 
thanking a man for something he has done for you is a good start but telling him how it 
makes you feel is relationship rocket fuel! So, you might say ‘thank you honey for taking 
me out to dinner. I feel so relaxed in that restaurant, the atmosphere feels so good to 
me.’ This is dynamite. Try it with your guy and see the results for yourself. In this way 
you are giving him an insight into the feminine and more spiritual world, which he will 
find deeply attractive and you are letting him know that he is ‘winning’ in his quest to 
make you happy which will make him feel great! 
 
Feeling messages can be used with any man you come into contact with, and not just 
in romantic situations. I went to see my orthodontist and he asked me how the 
treatment was going. Instead of saying ‘it’s fine’, I told him how I was feeling. I said ‘I 
feel a million dollars now that I am starting to see results’ and ‘I feel so happy with my 
new teeth. It just feels so wonderful having a Hollywood smile, I feel amazing!’. His eyes 
just lit up and was then falling over himself to help me and provide an excellent service. 
Now, this isn’t being manipulative because it is coming from a genuine place, it is 
genuinely how I feel! But it is communicating with a man in a way he can relate to in a 
very deep way. As a result, everybody feels good. 
 
Expressing yourself from this feminine energy place is wonderful in relationships 
too. It can be very helpful when you are hoping your guy will change his behaviour 
50 
 
because something is making you unhappy. Instead of nagging him, try using feeling 
messages to express your needs. So, when my husband kept leaving his wet towel on the 
floor, instead of nagging him I said ‘honey, please can you hang-up your towel because it 
makes me feel really heavy and depressed when you leave it for me to pick up. I feel like 
I am having to be your mother and it just feels so icky.’ Never again did he leave his 
towel on the floor! Feeling messages always enable a guy to connect with you in a way he 
can truly understand. The reason why this is such an empowering way to communicate 
is because men are hard-wired by evolution to want to provide for women and make us 
happy. By expressing your needs in a feminine way, youcan bring him closer to 
experience the Yin essence of the feminine that he finds so attractive, while 
simultaneously showing him clearly how he can make you happy. The easier he finds it 
to make you genuinely happy, the closer and more bonded you will become as a couple. 
 
Before you communicate with your guy, whether it is to express appreciation or 
frustration always check in with the exact emotion or physical sensation of how you are 
feeling. And then tell him! You don’t need to sprinkle your feelings to him throughout 
the day, you can safely use them all day, every day. You can even use them at the office; 
‘It just feels so good to get that report finished. I feel like I have released so much 
tension now that we have completed it. It feels like such a relief.’ Men just love it when 
we express ourselves in this way. It doesn’t matter if you are communicating on a date or 
whether you are just talking to a 20 year old man about the weather when you are 65 
years old – men always respond to it in a really positive way. So remember, anything 
that he does which makes you feel good, just say the words: ‘It feels so good….’ In this 
way, you will naturally communicate with men in an effective way which makes you 
both feel great. 
 
It drives men wild to be with a woman who is in touch with her feelings and living in 
her feminine energy. It conveys to him that you are fully experiencing each moment and 
gives him an insight into the richness of your life, as a woman. In the beginning, 
expressing your feelings like this may feel unnatural but it is a skill just like any other. 
Practising using feeling messages and connecting to how you feel becomes more natural 
over time. I like to think of it as if seeing the world through the eyes of an artist or poet. 
Our conditioned behaviour is just to report the facts. For instance, if you are standing on 
the top of a hill, experiencing a beautiful view we could say ‘Wow, that is a beautiful 
view’. But if you were to get in touch with your feelings, you might say ‘That view is 
beautiful. I feel expansive and like my problems are melting away. It makes me feel like 
anything is possible.’ Do you see the difference? You can also do this in text messages 
and emails. Paint a picture of your day to your guy and give him a little insight into your 
beautiful world. He will respond so well to this type of communication. It will draw him 
so much closer to you and he will know that you are his dream woman. 
 
 
 
 
51 
 
The Man Brain 
 
It is important to know that our brains are wired very differently - men have brains 
like waffles and women have brains that are more like spaghetti! Women’s brains 
literally have more connections than men’s and lots of different ideas and information 
can be linked up, in an instant. This means that women can jump from topic to topic, 
whereas men are wired to have their information compartmentalised, like a waffle. 
Essentially, men are single focused. They prefer to think about, or talk about, one thing 
at a time. This difference between the brain wiring of men and women can create a lot of 
frustration and confusion when we are trying to communicate our desires and needs. 
However, learning about the differences between us can dramatically improve our 
ability to communicate effectively with each other. 
 
As human beings we all have a deep desire to be really ‘heard’. It creates a beautiful 
feeling of connection which builds intimacy. It is that feeling you have when someone 
really ‘gets you’ and you feel understood. Being able to truly listen to a man, is a gift he 
will appreciate and over time he will want to share more of himself with you. Just like 
women, a man wants to be in a relationship with someone with whom he feels he can be 
100% his authentic self. In order for him to fall in love with you, he must get a strong 
sense of safety. He wants to be sure that he can safely open up to you, and be his true 
self and accepted by you. It is common for us to be distracted by what is going on 
around us and our phones and devices can be a constant distraction. So often when I go 
out to dinner, I will see a couple on a date and they will both be on their phones, 
absorbed in their own separate worlds – even during the main course! You can easily 
create a sense of safety for a man by avoiding distractions and being really present to 
what he is sharing. Listen to him fully and he will recognise the gift you are giving him 
by actively listening to what he has to share. This is a wonderful way to create a deep 
bond with your man. 
 
Men like ‘space’ when they are sharing. So if there is a little lull in the conversation 
please don’t feel the need to rush in with your contribution. Very often, you will find that 
he has just paused and hasn’t yet completed his thoughts. Slow down and let him set the 
pace of the conversation. He will really appreciate any woman who can listen to him in 
this way. I find it helpful to think of female only conversation as more energetic but 
talking to a man is more languid and relaxed. We don’t need to get all ‘up in our heads’ 
when talking to a guy. By simply letting him talk and relaxing into the present moment, 
you will get into the rhythm of his conversation. You may be the only woman who has 
ever connected to him like this and it will make you magically magnetic. When a man 
feels that you truly ‘get’ him, you will easily receive what you desire, whether that is 
more help around the house or an engagement ring. It is the natural result of deep 
understanding and shared sense of emotional safety. 
 
 
 
52 
 
Be his Number 1 fan 
 
A man wants to be your hero. Stepping up and making you happy makes him feel 
like a real man and this boosts his self-esteem. When you give him a chance to shine 
then he will always feel good around you. You will be his ‘good feeling’ place, and the 
woman with whom no one can compete because being bathed in your energy is where he 
feels safest. You can create that feeling of safety for a man by being his biggest fan. 
 
Nagging and complaining is never an attractive look for a radiant goddess such as 
yourself, so we want to communicate our relationship needs in a high-value way. As a 
relationship progresses it can be so easy to focus on everything that your man is doing 
wrong. This can lead to a downward spiral which turns into low vibrational energy and 
kills the attraction you once felt. It can help to remember that your guy is human and 
won’t always get everything right. 
 
The problem is this, however; where we place our attention is where our energy is. 
Energy flows where attention goes. So, when we begin to focus on the negatives about 
our guy at the expense of the positives, we can find that the negatives begin to build and 
grow. Finally, we can find that we don’t even recognize the man we once fell in love with. 
Our world is a mirror of our subconscious mind as everything which we believe is 
mirrored back to us as our experience. A wonderful way to stop the downward spiral in 
its tracks is to keep your attention firmly on the positive. Celebrate everything your guy 
does to make you feel good and be sure to let him know that he is appreciated by using 
feeling messages to reinforce what is making you happy. 
 
In this simple way, the old patterns and annoying behaviours will fade away and you 
will find that your guy, once again, becomes the man of your dreams. It doesn’t mean 
that you ignore any behaviours which make you unhappy. Always share how you are 
feeling with him, using feeling messages. This is really about balance. It is simply 
remembering to verbally express your appreciation and love for him by telling him how 
he makes you feel. When you tell him all the ways he makes you feel good he will feel 
like a king! In this way, you reinforce the healthy behaviours which create a harmonious 
relationship. 
 
A high-value man doesn’t want to romance his mother, but thisis what it can feel 
like if we are on his case or nagging him. This approach just doesn’t get results and can 
become toxic if we let it. Many couples get into unhealthy patterns of communicating. If 
you begin to feel that you are doing the lion’s share of the work and are starting to feel 
burdened, it is often the case your man will think you are doing these things because you 
WANT TO! I know it sounds crazy but look at it like this; a man wants to make you 
happy and he probably thinks he is making you happy by letting you do all the work, 
because you want to. He can see how capable and busy you are, and he thinks that you 
are OK with it. Men can quite often take things at face value. Because of their waffle 
brains, they simply don’t make the connection. I know this was true for my husband and 
53 
 
I regarding things that needed doing around the house. I used to feel so resentful 
because he wasn’t helping me. But he just didn’t know I needed any help! 
 
A masculine energy man will want you to feel cherished by him specifically. If he 
doesn’t want to make you feel cherished then perhaps it is time for you to reconsider 
your investment in this man? Don’t just drop hints about what you need but make 
specific requests instead. You can use your powerful feeling messages to communicate 
your needs to a man and bring the balance back into the relationship you seek. This is a 
beautiful and feminine way of communicating – one which feels warm and to which 
your man will respond positively. Rather than being his mother, you can be the sensual 
goddess who feels magical to him. It will keep your relationship strong for a lifetime. 
 
Conflict 
 
The initial stages of a romance can be a beautiful whirlwind of positive feelings. If all 
goes well, and the relationship progresses, you will move into a settled stage where you 
have the opportunity to create a lasting bond with one another. At the beginning, when 
you are getting to know your guy, you are both presenting your best versions of 
yourselves. But as you invite this deeper connection, you are left with two real people 
who both have needs and dreams. This is where the good stuff is and where you can 
create lasting love. It is important to know the best way of dealing with conflict in a 
feminine energy way so that the relationship doesn’t end up in negative dynamics. In 
this way, you can continue to build on your bond and invest more in each other, creating 
a deeper connection which will last many years. 
 
Share feelings not thoughts 
 
Conflict is a natural part of relationships, but there are ways to communicate during 
these times of stress which are very effective. At the end of the day, it is no good just 
yelling at each other because nothing gets resolved and everybody feels frustrated. It can 
feel very painful and draining but there is a better way of being understood and getting 
your needs met. We will take a deeper look at this now. 
 
It is natural to just shut down when we are conflicted and turn away into 
resentment, mulling over our own anger. However, it is helpful to stay open and 
vulnerable so that your guy can reach you. By being open and soft, you invite your man 
to come towards you, rather than pushing him away. The best way to do this is with 
feeling messages. Rather than saying ‘I think you should be taking more responsibility 
around the house’, we can say ‘I feel so tired having to work all day and then do so many 
chores. I just feel so resentful. I feel it as a heavy weight in my chest, weighing me down 
and I feel sad.’ Can you see how soft and inviting this is? Men always respond really well 
to this kind of communication, it is like magic! Your feeling messages are warm and 
inviting. They will draw him closer to you and he will be extra keen to find a solution 
and make you happy. 
54 
 
When we express thinking statements about what we think should be happening, it 
just freaks a guy out! We are communicating with him with our masculine energy and it 
instantly makes him defensive and competitive. It creates a lot of disharmony and this is 
when a fight can ensue. However, by using feeling statements we become soft and 
inviting. Remember, a guy who is invested in you will want to make you happy. By 
expressing feeling messages and saying that you feel sad, angry or disappointed he will 
immediately go into ‘fixer mode’. A good, masculine energy man will want to do what it 
takes to restore you to happiness and his mind will begin working overtime to work out 
how to make this happen. He will become solutions focused. Do you see the difference 
between these two strategies? Although it can feel necessary to yell and ‘blow off steam’, 
it is counterproductive as nothing gets solved and we can push the man away, killing 
attraction. 
 
When you share your feelings and not your thoughts, you will invite a guy closer and 
he will want to meet your needs. This is the cornerstone to a harmonious long-term 
relationship. It is an upward spiral because the more he is able to see that you are able to 
overcome conflict, the stronger your bond will become. By inviting your guy into ‘fixer 
mode’ through your feeling statements, you are inviting him to be your hero! And when 
your guy solves the problem of your unhappiness, he will feel like your hero. Because 
you feel so good to be around, he will want to be with you and invest in you more and 
more. It is a positive feedback loop. 
 
Invite love; don’t demand it 
 
As we have seen, men respond very well to feeling messages when it comes to the 
challenges and disagreements you may face as a couple. Always give your guy time and 
space after you tell him how you feel. A man’s ‘waffle brain’ cannot process everything 
that is going on as quickly as a woman’s ‘spaghetti brain’ because women are generally 
wired better for fast communication. He will need to consider the new information 
about how you are feeling, possible solutions to this and his own feelings. This is a lot for 
him to work through at once, so it can be really helpful to give him a little bit of space 
and time to process this information. This can stop the situation escalating, because if 
you push him to come back to you immediately, he will feel out of control. During times 
of conflict it can be helpful to keep your explanations short. Offering him long 
explanations when emotions are running high can often create confusion. Take a 
moment to step back and get to the nub of what you need your man to hear and then 
express it to him in a way which is direct and concise. He will appreciate this and be able 
to get a handle on the problem, and the solution, really quickly. 
 
During arguments and disagreements there are several statements which are easy to fall 
into. These include, but are not exclusive, to: 
 
 
 
55 
 
• I want… 
• I need… 
• You had better… 
• I deserve… 
• You should… 
 
All these statements are extremely inflammatory and simply push a man away. 
When we express ourselves like this, we are making our man feel he is in the wrong and 
this will only make him defensive. He may even just shut down and go in ‘the cave’ 
making communication impossible. Your guy needs his own reasons for wanting to 
make you happy. So instead of berating him like his mother, inspire him like his lover 
and you will see him rise to the occasion. Men love it when you make it easy for them to 
give you what you want and make you happy. However, it must feel like they are coming 
to their own conclusions and that it is their choice. 
 
Try these feeling messages instead: 
 
• It would make me so happy if… 
• I would feel so cherished if… 
• It would make me feel so loved… 
• It would make me feel so safe if… 
• It would make me feel adored if… 
 
This really is the way to a man’s heart. This is not manipulation, you are merely 
communicating in a way that a masculine energy man will respond to and understand at 
a deep level. You are working with thenatural order of things, rather than against them. 
By staying soft and vulnerable, you open the way for him to come even closer to you in a 
way that feels amazing to you both. 
 
Feelings are not facts 
 
People who feel good, feel good to be around. When you feel self-assured and happy, 
you will not only attract the man of your dreams but everyone who will enrich your life 
experience. Just like the common cold, emotions are contagious. Everyone knows 
someone who can suck the lifeforce right out of them with their low-vibrational energy, 
negativity and complaining. They just feel so draining to be around because they are 
energy vampires. You were feeling OK, and then after spending a bit of time with them 
you find yourself starting to feel depressed! This is because we can transfer our energy 
states onto other people. 
 
When we are in conflict with our partners, we don’t necessarily have to mirror their 
behaviour if they are angry or aggressive. We can implement the Respond Don’t React 
mode of communicating instead. This means that you don’t reflect the emotional energy 
56 
 
of the other person – so if your guy is angry and loud, you don’t have to mirror him. By 
choosing to respond rather than react, you can state your feelings and needs calmly. 
 
It is so empowering to realise you don’t have to take on the emotional or energetic 
state of the other person who you are in conflict with. You are separate from them and 
so can choose your own behaviour. You can easily dissolve the situation by simply being 
calm and assertive, using your feeling messages, and then give him some space. You will 
find that he realises he has been an idiot all on his own, without you having to point it 
out to him! Remember that you don’t have to take on the energy state of the other 
person. Stay true to yourself and what you are feeling in the moment, and you will easily 
find solutions. 
 
Teamwork 
 
Men hate ‘drama’ and a woman who brings a lot of ‘drama’ into his life will 
eventually push him away and sadly kill the attraction. What men really want is a 
woman who is uncomplicated and low drama. This does not mean she is a doormat or 
doesn’t express her needs, in fact quite the opposite. Men are really attracted to women 
who are honest and straightforward because it makes them feel safe to express 
themselves and open up to her. 
 
When you talk about how you feel, be calm and relaxed. Men become upset when 
they see that you are upset, not when you are talking about your feelings. A woman who 
can express herself in a direct and clear way without being dramatic, inflammatory or 
overly emotional is a rarity and your man will find it refreshing that you are able to 
communicate with him in this way. He will respect you more and it will draw you closer 
together. 
 
Taking time to really listen to your man can make the world of difference to 
communication. Listening to him, without judgement will create a safe space for you to 
work on your differences. You can learn to open yourself up to listening without 
resistance and to both agree to share your real feelings. It can be tempting to ‘gloss over’ 
how you really feel to avoid hurting the other person, but creating this ‘safe space’ to 
authentically share with one another paves the way for an open and honest relationship 
which can only deepen the bond you share. Tell him you respect his feelings, whatever 
comes up, and really listen to him, giving him the time and space he needs to express 
himself without interrupting. 
 
Too often we get very involved in ‘our story’ or our version of events. We act like our 
feelings are facts. Yet when we gain a better understanding of the other person or are 
able to see the bigger picture, we find that our feelings may totally change. Feelings 
weren’t facts after all. It can be helpful to also talk about the positives between you both 
and what fills your heart with gratitude, to avoid the conversation becoming a 
downward spiral of negativity. Expressing love and appreciation during a difficult 
57 
 
discussion can go a long way towards creating a supportive atmosphere conducive to 
honest communication. In this way, instead of clashing like opponents, you can become 
a TEAM, working together to build a strong and healthy future for you both. 
 
Remember who you are 
 
When you become part of a couple, life changes and it can be easy to lose yourself in 
this new relationship. Avoid losing your identity when you are in a relationship by 
remaining invested in your activities and friendships. This will take the pressure off your 
connection with your man. When you have an interesting life there is always something 
to keep the relationship fresh. It gives a man a sense of freedom to know he can 
simultaneously have the safety of being with you but that you are also independent. No 
one wants to feel like they are the sole reason for someone’s happiness, it just feels too 
overwhelming. 
 
Remember your man doesn’t want to be your therapist and he doesn’t want you to 
be his mother – at least he shouldn’t! These roles are really common to slip into when 
you are not fully aware of the dynamics of your connection. But don’t worry, we’ve all 
been there at some stage and when you recognise these unhealthy patterns they are easy 
to avoid. If you need someone to help you heal your past traumas or challenges, consider 
working with a professional or simply talking it through with a trusted friend. This is 
much healthier than relying on your boyfriend for this kind of emotional support. And 
equally, if your guy wants to use you as a sounding board for working out his problems, 
you must trust him to find solutions and steer him away from expecting you to offer him 
this kind of support. It simply isn’t your job to be his therapist. Avoid stepping into a 
‘mother’ role with your man at all costs because it is a major attraction killer. If you find 
yourself dating a man who needs a lot of physical or emotional ‘looking after’ then know 
that he is in his feminine energy and wants you to take on the mother role. This will only 
lead you to become exhausted and resentful. Keep your role of lover sacred and bring 
him the best of your love, sensuality and femininity. A relationship will add dimension 
to your life, but it can never be your life. In essence, when you keep yourself happy then 
your relationship will automatically be happy. 
 
Using feeling messages to communicate with your guy from your feminine energy is 
completely transformative. It can revive an old relationship or strengthen and deepen a 
new relationship. It is so beautiful to see your relationship blossom as a result of 
practising these new skills. Always remember your role as his lover and turn down any 
invitations to be anything other than this. It is so empowering to be able to navigate 
conflict and difficulties with grace and ease. It leaves you with more energy and 
enthusiasm for living a full and rewarding life. By expressing your feminine energy to 
your man, you create a deep understanding and a strong bond for you both to share. 
Above all, it leaves you free to enjoy the wonderful and rich relationship your heart 
desires. 
 
58 
 
 
Chapter 5 
Goddess 
 
 
Take a moment to think about all the men you’ve ever dated. The men you invested 
in, chased and whose bad behaviour you tolerated. The men you loved and walked the 
tightrope of approval for, scrapping around to pick up their crumbs. The world is a 
mirror of our subconscious minds - we only accept from a man what we believe we are 
worthy of having, receiving and being treated like. The universe cannot give us any more 
good than we are willing to accept. Essentially, we date men at the level of our own self-
worth. 
 
As long as we feel unworthy, we are at risk of attracting relationships with men who 
are emotionally unavailable and incompatible. Instead of feeling a million dollars with 
the man of your dreams, you areleft feeling unhappy, unsafe, abandoned, neglected and 
heartbroken. The antidote to all this pain and suffering is to choose healthy love with an 
emotionally available man who cherishes you. A woman’s needs include wanting to feel 
heard, noticed, desired and adored by someone who anticipates her wishes and takes 
action to make her happy. While a man needs to feel admired, respected, appreciated, 
needed and acknowledged for his efforts. 
 
Every woman can learn how to become empowered and worthy, a woman who 
magnetically attracts healthy love with an amazing man. Imagine finally being with your 
ideal partner who is capable of meeting your needs. Imagine being in a beautiful and 
balanced relationship where you feel happy, safe, cherished and deeply loved. 
 
The fact is we can’t change anyone else. Think about all the men you have dated and 
how you longed for them to be different. If only they would be like this.., if only they 
would stop doing that.., if only they would be like they were at the beginning of the 
relationship, if only… Our focus is outward looking, and we believe that the problem is 
‘out there’ with them. But it isn’t. The problem is within. The problem is with us. It is 
internal. 
 
This doesn’t mean we are bad people - there is no room here for blame or feeling 
bad about yourself. This is an empowering realisation. When you transform your inner 
landscape, you transform your outer world. It is our own energetic frequency that is 
manifesting these difficult experiences. When you change your energetic frequency and 
raise your vibration, you will easily attract your soulmate. Often, we get things topsy-
turvy. We play the ‘I’ll be happy when…’ game. It goes a little like this; ‘I’ll be happy 
when I earn X amount of money; ‘I’ll be happy when I am married’. The secret to 
manifesting whatever you desire is to be happy NOW. Regardless of your external 
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circumstances. That’s right. Regardless of your crappy break-up, your weird rash, your 
terrible relationship with your parents and your lowly salary or less than satisfactory 
living conditions, you can choose to feel happy and peaceful within, at any moment. This 
is The Key to manifesting more good things into your life. Like attracts like. So a happy 
girl is a high vibrational girl and a high vibe girl gets all the goodies, including meeting 
The One. 
 
A guide to being a goddess 
 
I want you to know that you are a goddess. You are enough, just as you are. You 
don’t need to punish yourself anymore or think that you are ‘less than’ in any way. At 
some point along the line, whether it is from childhood, teenage years or from current 
toxic media, you have absorbed the message that you are not enough and that you are 
unlovable. This feeling may be subtle, even subconscious, or it may gnaw at you every 
single day. The truth is, there is no man in the world who can love you enough to fill that 
void within you. You must love yourself first. It is your own self-love that is a mirror for 
the love of your soulmate. We can only receive the love from other people that we are 
willing to give ourselves. Our goal should be to love ourselves fiercely, unapologetically 
and authentically. Our goal is a love so strong it acts as our inner compass, our guide 
and our truth. When we stop searching outwardly for The One - a husband, a man to 
father our children - and instead turn inwards, you will find there is a whole universe 
within you. Instead of focusing on external goals, your aim should only ever be one 
single goal. To love yourself with passion and intensity. To love yourself as if your life 
depends on it. Because it does. 
 
Imagine your self-love is contained in a beautiful golden chalice that you keep in 
your heart. How full is your love cup? Is it full to the brim and overflowing? Or is it 
nearly empty or completely dry? In everything we do, we are either replenishing our 
love-cup or depleting it. Stressful situations like illness, family problems and toxic 
relationships drain your cup. Beautiful experiences like having fun with friends, 
spending time in nature, being creative and taking time out to do something nice, like 
having a massage, fills your cup up. What is the balance in your life? How much of what 
you do drains your cup and how much fills it back up? We can only give from our hearts 
with a cup that is overflowing. You fill up your own cup, for you. That is what you need 
in order to be a content and well-functioning human being. You give the excess, the 
overflow to others. This is the love you give to your friends and family, and to your 
soulmate when you meet him. If you try to give from your cup when it is half-empty, you 
will feel depleted, tired and resentful. The secret then, is to be completely aware of your 
love cup as you live your life and to know when it is becoming drained and when it is 
being replenished. Having your own cup full of love and continuously replenished is the 
first step towards attracting the man of your dreams. When you are filled with love then 
your experience will be mirrored by a man who has an equal capacity for love and this 
will create a healthy relationship. 
 
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Energetic frequency 
 
The goal is to increase your energetic frequency and become a high vibrational 
being. From this state you can manifest anything you desire; money, travel, 
opportunities and the man of your dreams. Everything is energy and you can sense it, 
whether or not you are aware of it. Everybody has had the experience of being with 
certain people or in certain places that make them feel drained. You are picking up on 
low vibrational energy. Perhaps you have been in a doctor’s or dentist’s surgery and felt 
like there was a weird atmosphere? This is probably because some of the people around 
you were experiencing a lot of anxiety and fear and you were tuning in to it. Or perhaps 
you have visited an old, historic building and felt ‘creeped out’ or had the hairs on your 
arms stand on end? These are all examples of times when we are connecting to the 
energy around us. 
 
We only experience the world through our five senses, and this can mean that there 
is a lot more going on than we can perceive. It is like trying to explain Bitcoin to a fish. 
The fish couldn’t even begin to understand it on any level. They wouldn’t even 
understand the concept of dry land. They don’t even understand language! We think 
that because we can’t see it (or taste, smell, hear or touch it) that it doesn’t exist. 
However, we can’t communicate with sonar, yet dolphins do it all the time and were 
doing so long before humans discovered it. There is a lot more to our human experience 
than meets the eye. Consider then, what you believe in your mind gets ‘projected’ onto 
the ‘screen’ we call reality. This means that you have a lot more control over your life 
than perhaps you have been led to believe. The power lies in your thoughts and beliefs. 
Energy has different frequencies - high vibrational energy is what feels good and attracts 
positivity, love and abundance into our lives. 
 
In this chapter we will look at how to raise your vibration while simultaneously 
raising your self-worth and self-esteem so that you can effortlessly attract a man who 
will match your own high frequency. The beautiful thing, from now on, is that you can 
choose to be in the driving seat of your life. If you have been in the passenger seat all 
this time, believing that life is happening to you and that you are just the victim of the 
‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’, then think again. Life is always happening for 
you and you have way more control over your life than you think. You are literally God, 
made manifest. You are an expression of divine energy, you are a co-creator of the 
universe. How cool is that? This means that you can create your own life, any way you 
want to. You can make your life a work of art. You can make it a masterpiece. 
 
Self-loveWe all know that self-love is the key to a happy life and a fulfilling relationship. But 
just how do we love ourselves? The truth is, it is different for each person. However, it 
has a lot to do with following your bliss. The more good feeling things you do, the better 
you will feel. The better you feel, the more you raise your vibration. The higher your 
61 
 
vibration, the more good feeling experiences you attract. It is a lovely virtuous circle. 
The secret is to look for happiness and things which feel good. These can be big or tiny 
things. For instance, do you want to have a break from your computer and have a cup of 
tea? Do you want to go to that party or stay at home and do some self-care? Every time 
you choose the good feeling thing, you raise your vibration. It is all in the feelings. 
 
It can help to clear out everything in your life which is no longer serving you. It can 
be scary to let go, but so much of what we hold onto is second rate and we only put up 
with it out of fear. The fact is, if we don’t let go, we can’t create the space for something 
new and wonderful which is more in alignment with our truth. This can mean stopping 
connecting with negative people, getting rid of all the junk weighing us down, clearing 
out all the clothes that don’t make us feel like a goddess, energetic cord cutting from old 
relationships or swapping our TV time for a beautiful yoga class. Give your friendships, 
possessions and habits a high-vibrational overhaul and see the results for yourself. You 
will feel so much better! 
 
The single best way to attract Mr Right is to take responsibility for everything in 
your life. Your finances, your feelings, your health and your relationships. It can feel a 
bit scary and I realise that it means that you will have to do a lot of ‘adulting’, but don’t 
feel scared or overwhelmed. Feel empowered! It is so much better to be in control of 
your life. When you aren’t dependant on other people and external factors to make you 
happy, it is much easier to find your bliss. You can’t control other people or what goes 
on in the world ‘out there’ but you do have control over you and your life. This means 
that the only thing to control your happiness is your relationship with yourself. Spend 
some time on planet YOU, getting to know yourself a little better. You will find that your 
life opens up into love and abundance. 
 
 
You are a goddess 
 
Loving yourself means knowing you are a radiant goddess. You are loveable. You are 
enough. If your goal is to attract an emotionally mature man who is relationship-ready, 
then you are hoping to meet a King. For a king to come along, you must be a Queen. A 
king and a queen are the perfect energetic match made in heaven. 
 
Don’t ever make a man the source of your happiness. Create a beautiful world and a 
wonderful life for yourself that a high-quality man is just desperate to be a part of. When 
you invest in yourself and your own goals and dreams, a man will have to ‘work out’ how 
he can add value to your already amazing life. This offers him a brilliant challenge; a 
high-value man will love trying to win a place in your life and your heart. It also sends a 
beautiful message to the men you date, that you are happy without a man but find 
having one in your life enriching, rather than ‘needing’ a man. This is very attractive to a 
guy, because there is no pressure for him to rescue you or be your world. He is just the 
icing on the cake. 
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Think about it – do you want a guy with no direction, who doesn’t know what he is 
doing in life, with no ambition, who lives in a trash-can and plays X-box all day in his 
underpants? Is the man I describe a king? No!? Just as you don’t want the burden of a 
man who is a ‘project’, a man who is ‘a catch’ has a lot going on in his life and will be 
looking for a woman who is the same. You don’t need to live your life so that it sounds 
good to other people or looks good on your Facebook page. You also don’t need to have 
it all together or to be perfect. It’s all about working towards your dreams, just like your 
guy will be. Live your life for you! Do what makes you happy and you will become 
irresistible to a high-value man. 
 
Always remember that you are the prize. We have got things rather back-to-front in 
our modern dating world and I see women chasing after guys in subtle, or not so subtle, 
ways all the time. A woman who loves herself knows she is a prize worth having and that 
a man would be lucky to have her. When you exude a sense of deep self-acceptance and 
confidence you become instantly magnetic to high-value men. This isn’t something you 
can fake. You can’t put on a show and hope he doesn’t notice that you secretly have low 
self-esteem, because he will sense it in your vibe. Loving yourself means changing your 
core beliefs about yourself at a deep level. This can take some work, but it is worth it in 
the end. No one can love you more than you love yourself, so make a practice out of 
cultivating self-love. 
 
A high-value woman who loves herself knows how to accept a compliment from a 
man or a woman. All you need to do if someone compliments you is smile and say 
‘thank you’. Of course, you are going to get complimented, you are a radiant goddess! 
Other women are not the competition when you are dating. It can be so easy to compare 
ourselves and think we are not enough based on looks. But remember, comparison is the 
thief of joy. You are completely in your own lane, going in your own direction. There is 
no need to compare yourself to others because there is a man out there who will love the 
beautiful combination of everything that makes you, you! Just like a snowflake, you are 
entirely unique. There is a man out there who will love your particular ‘flavour’, the 
whole package, not just your appearance. It is about your personality, how you treat 
others, your unique view of the world and how you make him feel. This is what makes 
you special. There is no one else like you. Never has been and never will. When you 
exude this vibe you are radiating a subtle message, that you are a rare find and one that 
should be treasured. 
 
Looking for outside validation is a recipe for disaster but we are increasingly being 
encouraged to find our self-worth outside of ourselves in the form of social media. This 
is not the way to find happiness and a strong foundation of self-love. If you are ‘thirsty’ 
for outside validation to make you feel good, then you put yourself in the dangerous 
situation of being used or even abused. This was a big problem for me in my own life, 
even after I got married. I was still desperate for outside validation, particularly from 
men. 
 
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My own father had abandoned my mother and I, and even though on a mental level 
I knew everything had worked out for the highest good of everyone concerned, my inner 
child had still been rejected. There was a deep subconscious wound that I didn’t realise I 
was trying to heal. I would look for men who could never possibly love me and then 
hope to earn their love and heal the psychic wound within me. This was only resolved 
through therapy and understanding myself better. But there was another piece of the 
puzzle which involved me shifting the energetic pattern that I had stored within my 
cellular memory. Memories and trauma aren’t just stored in the mind, but in the 
physical cells and the energetic body as well. I shifted this energy through a regular 
Kundalini yoga practice, self-care, creative outlets, journaling, spending more time in 
nature, a daily mediation practice and prayer. I really pulled out all the stops! It was a 
painful experience, but you have to feel it to heal it and now I feel great. I never look for 
outside validation now although I still appreciate a bit of healthy feedback from the 
world when I am sharing my gifts. However, I am not dependent on the opinions of 
others. I now know that I don’t need to earn the approvalof all men, but feel grounded 
and safe with the deep love of one wonderful man, my husband. 
 
If you find that you sometimes seek outside validation, then go on a journey of self-
discovery to heal your old wounds and process them. You will then radiate a healthy 
vibration that will be an energetic match to men who are also in a healthy place. Seeking 
outer approval can never make up for a lack of inner self-love. For as long as you are 
unable to love yourself or heal the wounds from the past, you run the risk of attracting 
unhealthy partners who will only mirror your experiences back to you. There are several 
steps to overcoming the need for outside validation: 
 
1. Recognise that you are looking for outside validation (if you do). 
 
2. Seek to understand and explore where the need is coming from. 
 
3. Heal the energetic pattern to get to the root of the problem. 
 
When it comes to healing your energetic pattern, you can use your intuition to guide 
you. It may seem like you aren’t getting results, but stick with it. You will have a 
breakthrough in the end. Healing comes from combining several therapies and 
practices: 
 
• Movement – moving the energy out of the cellular memory of your body. This 
might include dance, Zumba, yoga, Pilates, going to the gym, cycling or 
swimming. 
 
• Energy healing – to transform your energetic frequency. This might include 
Reiki, sound baths and crystal healing. 
 
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• Complementary therapies – these will help to rebalance you and create 
equilibrium in mind, body and spirit. This includes acupuncture, homeopathy 
and kinesiology. 
 
• Nutrition – you can rebuild yourself at the cellular level and balance your 
brain chemistry and hormones using nutrition. This will mean that your 
physical body has everything it needs to work optimally. I recommend seeing 
a really good nutritionist and cleaning up your diet, if you feel called to. 
 
• Stress relieving – to calm down your nervous system. This will enable you to 
enjoy life, sleep well and have mental clarity. Spending time in nature, 
massages, aromatherapy, spa days, at home self-care and reflexology are all 
great. 
 
• Mind wellbeing – to gain mental clarity. Meditation, guided meditations, 
journaling, chanting, affirmations and scripting are all great. 
 
• Support – humans are tribal and feeling supported is essential to wellbeing 
and healing. I recommend counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy, 
psychotherapy or hypnotherapy. 
 
If this all sounds expensive please know that investing in yourself in this way is so 
worth it as you will be a far more confident and effective person as a result. It is possible 
to find students who can offer reduced or even free services as part of their studies. I go 
to the local college for all my massages which only costs 20% of the regular price and 
gave up my costly gym membership in favour of exercising in nature by cycling and 
jogging. A friend of mine even managed to manifest a free trip to Thailand on an 
amazing yoga and healing retreat at the time when she needed it most, during her 
divorce. Her friend, who is a journalist, was paid to review the retreat and got to take 
someone with her! So it is possible to heal yourself on a budget when you open your 
heart to the solutions. Remember, always do what you can with what you’ve got and the 
universe will support you in your efforts. 
 
There is a simple heart opening meditation which I recommend as it always brings 
powerful and transformative results in women with low self-esteem, in need of healing. 
Simply sit in a comfortable position and hold your hands over your heart-space, against 
the area in the centre of your chest. You may need a cushion or pillow on your lap to 
support your arms as you will be holding this pose for a few minutes. The length of the 
meditation is 8 minutes. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. As you breathe in, say in 
your mind ‘I love myself’ and as you breathe out slowly, say ‘I am enough’. You may also 
like to envisage the green light of the heart chakra as you practise this meditation or 
imagine your heart chakra as a flower, blossoming open. Try this practise for 28 days 
and you will find that self-doubt melts away as you offer yourself gentleness and 
compassion. 
 
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Boundaries 
 
A healthy and high-value woman has rock solid boundaries. Your boundaries are 
how you communicate to men that you are a goddess. Remember that people know how 
to treat you based on how you treat yourself. Always hold yourself to high standards and 
don’t lower them for anyone. At their core, your boundaries are all about what you will 
and will not accept from life or other people. Essentially, it is about you stating your 
preferences about what feels good. This is why it is so important to get out of our heads 
and into our bodies and into our feeling space where we can get into the good habit of 
knowing how we really feel. Follow what feels good and you will always be guided and 
safe. It is safe for you to say ‘no’. And remember that ‘no’ is a complete sentence. You do 
not need to offer explanations or excuses if you don’t want to. To say ‘no’ is enough. 
Anyone who respects you, will respect your right to say ‘no’. 
 
Sometimes, when a guy is getting to know you, he may subtly test you to see how 
much you value yourself. This may be in the form of covert put-downs or pushing you 
for sex. Always assert yourself in a graceful way and he will respect you all the more. Any 
man who doesn’t respect your boundaries, or is threatened by them, is not a high-value 
man and would make a poor choice as a boyfriend. When you work on yourself and 
become healthy emotionally, it is easy to walk away from unhealthy and toxic 
relationships. A magical shift takes place; when previously you would have been deeply 
attracted to an unhealthy guy or a ‘bad boy’, they suddenly seem really boring. If the 
guys you are attracted to are still a bit edgy, unhealthy, unavailable or dangerous, it is a 
clear indicator that you still have some inner work to do. These types of men simply lose 
their appeal when you come into energetic alignment with your best self. 
 
A man will sometimes drop little crumbs and see if you will pick them up. This is 
sometimes known as ‘thirst checking’ - it is a test men will do to see how little effort he 
has to make to get what he wants from you. A girl with low self-esteem will pick up the 
crumbs. However, a high-value woman will demonstrate her value through her actions. 
When a man sees that a woman is ‘selecting’ the right man for her, and is not just happy 
to pick up crumbs from any man, this signals to him that she will not tolerate certain 
behaviours and situations. Men only get away with half the crap they do because we put 
up with it. Instead of staying and trying to ‘fix’ the guy or the situation, a high-value 
woman walks away. By communicating your high-value he will know that he wants to 
make a future with you and that he would be an idiot to mess it up! A high-value woman 
must convey to her man that: 
 
• she expects to be respected 
 
• she expects him to have his life together 
 
• she will not allow a purely physical relationship to take place 
 
• he must take positive action and do things that show he is invested in her. 
 
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When to walk away 
 
A goddess knows when to walk away. If a guy tells you that he doesn’t want you, 
either directly or through his actions, then it is your job as a goddess to walk away. I 
know that women can find this impossibly difficult and that it is very painful, but it is 
not as painful as staying where you are not wanted. As a woman, you are designed to be 
cherished, loved and adored. If a man is not giving you these things, then you must walk 
away from him and towards a man who will. You must turn away from this man and 
take your radiant light and warmth with you, so that he is left in the dark. 
 
The No.1 thing you shouldexpect from a boyfriend is that he wants you. This is 
absolutely the most basic thing you must assess in any relationship. Does he want me? If 
the answer is ‘no’, then boldly walk away. You do not stalk him on Facebook. You do not 
drive by his house or hang out at his favourite haunts, hoping to see him. You do not 
drunk text him. You just shut the door and let him feel how cold the world is without 
your warmth. His reasons for not wanting you are his own. You cannot change another 
person’s mind, chase him or make him see sense by loving him enough. Accept that he 
doesn’t want you and that the man is an idiot. Then use your rock bottom as the solid 
foundation on which you build your new, beautiful life. 
 
I know this sounds like tough love but think about it this way; what message are you 
giving to the universe if you put up with ‘situationships’ or ‘it’s complicated’ scenarios? 
Remember, the universe can only give you the level of love and fulfilment that you are 
willing to accept. By developing a zero tolerance to anything which isn’t in your highest 
and best interest, and doesn’t feel good, make no mistake; the universe will level up to 
your new commitment to yourself and bring you everything you have ever dreamed of in 
life because you have created the energetic space for it to exist. There is always the 
option to ‘take the low road’ and do what isn’t in our best interests. That option is always 
there, and often it looks easier, or safer, or familiar, but it isn’t better. A new life awaits 
you, but it is outside your comfort zone. You know what they say, ‘if you keep on doing 
what you’re doing; you’ll keep on getting what you’re getting’. Commit to something 
better. Commit to only letting in the man of your dreams who treats you like a queen 
and don’t accept anything less. 
 
If this sounds difficult then please know that I love you and that I believe in you and 
your amazing potential. It may sound like tough love but I think of it as ‘challenging 
love’. I am lovingly challenging you to upgrade your own reality in line with your truest 
desires. Developing a zero tolerance to other people’s poor behaviour is at times a 
process and not an instant fix. It is perfectly OK to make mistakes or to let someone 
back in when, in hindsight, you shouldn’t have. The key is to learn from your experience 
and lovingly course-correct as you move forward towards a brighter and more fulfilling 
future. 
 
 
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Second Best, better than all the rest? 
 
When we settle for second best, it is only our fear that keeps us there. If you think 
about it for a moment, we often decide that we had better put up with a less than ideal 
situation. We settle for a guy who, clearly, is not a king because otherwise we are faced 
with our fears of being alone. We are afraid we will be pushing a pram full of cats in our 
old age or that we won’t meet our soulmate, get married or have children. When fear is 
our motivating factor we can never achieve beautiful results and we are in the totally 
wrong energy to attract our soulmate. Fear drives away all the good the Universe wants 
to offer you. 
 
How do we overcome our fears? The first step is to recognise the energy of fear and 
to acknowledge the presence of fear within you. Is this something you are afraid of, that 
you will be alone or will never again have it as good as you have had with your ex? Get to 
the nub of your fear and really OWN IT. I realise that this process isn’t for the faint of 
heart but you have to feel it to heal it. Explore your fears surrounding relationships 
using journaling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, meditation, talk therapy or energetic 
healing. The universe is inviting you to get to know yourself better. You can work on 
dissolving these blocks to love and changing your energetic frequency. You can do this! 
You are a powerful and amazing woman. Knowing that fear is holding you back from 
attracting love is so empowering and will expand your consciousness towards a greater 
understanding. If you are unsure how to let go of your fear of being alone, then simply 
be willing to process it and let it go. By recognising your fear and stating a solid 
intention to let it go, the universe will support you fully in the process towards healing 
and enlightenment. 
 
I always used to compromise myself with men. I had no boundaries at all really and 
was deeply co-dependent, putting the needs of men totally before my own in every 
circumstance. I could never connect with anybody and just went from romantic disaster 
to disaster. A very good friend of mine watched my behaviour with interest. She very 
directly pointed out that I was always compromising myself with men and ‘became a 
different person’ when I was with them. I wasn’t sure what she meant because I couldn’t 
recognise this behaviour in myself - I was simply doing the best with the information I 
had. But when we know better, we do better. My friend held a mirror up to me that day 
and reflected my shadow-self back to me. As we discussed it deeply, it became a life-
changing moment as I was able to see myself and my unhealthy behaviour with 
complete clarity. 
 
From that moment on, I put myself first and started to learn about my boundaries. I 
actually fully accepted that I would in all probability never have a boyfriend and that I 
would always live with my mother! I felt totally at peace with this. I had a beautiful life 
and my mother and I had a good relationship, so I knew that everything would be 
alright. I had totally let go of my desire to be in a relationship. And what do you know? 
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In three weeks I met The One, my husband, the love of my life! The universe is always 
supporting you and guiding you. Your only job is to be open and to trust. 
 
Loving yourself 
 
It is common when looking for the solutions to our problems to try and seek them 
‘out there’. It may appear that the problem is with ‘them’ but this is an illusion. To 
attract an extraordinary love, you must transform yourself from the inside out. It is 
important to understand that you create your reality. We can shift from living passively, 
patiently waiting to bump into something ‘out there’ that we want, to creating our own 
experiences based on our vibration. The alternative is to stay in a ‘stuck’ state where we 
feel we have no control over our circumstances. Choosing to remain a victim in this way 
only costs us love. 
 
The most important relationship you have is your relationship with yourself. When 
you create a healthy and solid relationship with yourself, you will find that all your 
external relationships transform miraculously. A good relationship with yourself creates 
a good relationship with those around you. A man can only love you as much as you love 
yourself. When we encounter romantic relationships with men who are not meeting our 
needs, not loving us, cherishing us, supporting us, nurturing us and committing to us, it 
can be helpful to ask - are we not loving, nurturing and committing to ourselves? In 
what ways are we not being there for ourselves? By challenging yourself to examine your 
circumstances in this way, you will strike gold! Here we find the root of the problem - it 
was within us all along. 
 
Cultivating a loving relationship with yourself is not a one-off event but a daily 
practice. It is a bit like going to the gym; you can’t just go once and expect a toned, fit 
and healthy body – it is a lifetime’s work. Loving yourself doesn’t happen in a day, so 
commit to the process. I will say, however, that it does get much easier with time and 
once you dissolve your main blocks you will not have to revisit them - you will be 
transformed. We are not humans with a spirit; we are spirits having a human 
experience. Our modern day lives neglect our spiritual paths in favour of technology and 
materialism. However, our spiritual selves our cry out to be nourished in whatever way 
feels good to us. 
 
So how do you go aboutloving yourself like you mean it? The first step is to set a 
clear intention to cultivate love for yourself and live in alignment with your intention. 
When your intention is crystal clear you will quickly see when you are living out of 
alignment with your truth and will be able to course-correct. Loving yourself combines 
many facets and layers and people achieve a healthy relationship with themselves in 
their own unique way. 
 
You can begin by healing any past wounds with psychotherapy or cognitive 
behavioural therapy. Victims of abuse need extra support to expand your availability for 
69 
 
love so seek professional help if you need this. A practice of meditation will help you to 
get in touch with the ‘real’ you, the one behind your ego and your chattering mind. Self-
care is an important component and can include getting enough sleep, eating healthy 
food, moving your body in whatever way feels fun for you and spending time in nature. 
Always follow your bliss because your spirit is always nudging you in the right direction 
towards good feeling things and experiences. Trust in this inner voice. Spend your time 
doing things you enjoy and which nourish you. This will boost your confidence and raise 
your vibration towards greater love. 
 
Affirmations (the practice of repeating positive words and phrases) which target 
your self-worth and self-esteem are a good way to re-programme your subconscious 
mind with new positive beliefs about yourself and will increase your confidence. You can 
do affirmations at any time of day. I like to listen to some affirmations and repeat them 
as I do my chores or while I am driving. Mirror work can be an important aspect 
towards self-love for many people. Mirror work involves facing yourself in the mirror 
and saying your affirmations and what it is you wish to manifest in your love life. You 
can look into your own eyes as you do this. This practice sounds easy, but it isn’t! Notice 
what comes up as you affirm self-love for yourself while looking into your eyes. Feel the 
feelings you experience as you speak and you will quickly become aware of your own 
blocks to self-acceptance. I used to squirm with discomfort when I first started doing 
this. It was horrible! It gradually got easier, but I still find it is the fastest way to really 
identify how I am feeling at any given time. Learn to face yourself and you will face your 
fears. 
 
Boundaries are a very important aspect of self-love and knowing and asserting your 
preferences is a powerful and transformative tool. Your boundaries are what keep you 
safe and in alignment with your truth. Journaling is also a wonderful tool for exploring 
your emotions and getting to know yourself better. Writing about your feelings and fears 
can bring you deeper understanding and clarity. This will help you to process and 
transform your emotions. You can keep your writing confidential and then you will feel 
safe to tell the truth to yourself. 
 
Half the battle is being able to identify where your blocks lie and the precise nature 
of the problem. For years, I couldn’t work out while my life wasn’t really ‘working’ and 
why everything felt difficult and so full of problems. Eventually, on my own journey of 
self-love and self-discovery, I realised that I was experiencing a personality disorder, 
known as co-dependency, as a result of my childhood psychological abuse. Once I had 
isolated this as the main problem I was dealing with, I was able to dissolve this pattern 
and heal. After this my life really ‘took off’ and instead of feeling like I was wading 
through mud, I was able to journey through life with grace and ease. 
 
Your journey towards self-love is entirely unique to you. However, it is a rich and 
rewarding experience. Take your attention off looking for a man ‘out there’ and put your 
attention firmly back onto you where it belongs! Nourish yourself. Invest in yourself. 
70 
 
You will soon find that your love life begins to flow and your romantic encounters will 
begin to be fun and interesting again rather than dramatic and pain-filled. Life will 
always create a feedback loop of information regarding how well you are doing with your 
self-love journey. It doesn’t mean that you won’t have bad experiences ever again or 
encounter horrible people. But you will see a difference regarding how you deal with and 
recover from these experiences and what you will tolerate. 
 
The path to self-love is really a rediscovery. You are not trying to create something 
from nothing. You were born an innocent baby and you loved yourself unconditionally. 
It is only your experiences and inherited beliefs to bring you to this place where you are 
divorced from your own self-love. But love is within you, always. It is like a glittering 
diamond, covered in a mound of poop. The diamond is still there, all the time, shining in 
its beauty. You are the diamond and your job is simply to cut through the crap and reach 
it. You are a worthy and radiant goddess. Self-love is your birthright so when you make 
it your intention to get back in touch with this natural flow of energy, the universe will 
move heaven and earth to assist you in your quest. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
71 
 
 
Chapter 6 
Finding the love within 
 
If you have found yourself in the past investing all your time and energy in one dead 
end relationship after another, or going after unavailable men and being left 
heartbroken, then it is time to look at your core wounds. These are your blocks to love. 
Once you have identified them, you can dissolve them and move towards your soulmate 
with ease and grace. I want you to know that I am here for you, really supporting you as 
you do this important inner work looking at your relationship patterns. As you do this, 
you will find that you can turn your love life around very quickly and dating will go from 
a struggle to feeling lighter and fun once more. 
 
As you read this chapter, you may find that some of these ideas are challenging or 
triggering for you and that’s OK. There is no blame here and you are always divinely 
supported and guided. The very fact that you are reading this book means that you are 
being guided to expand your awareness and get to know yourself at a deeper level. The 
universe wouldn’t ask you to delve into the greater depths of yourself in this way if it 
wasn’t for your highest good. You are a warrior on your own journey towards healing 
your heart and your life. You will be triumphant. 
 
What are your patterns? 
 
Step back and take a look at the landscape of your love life so far. Can you identify 
any patterns in your choice of partners or in how your relationships unfold? The 
patterns you discover are a beautiful insight into where your core wounds will be found. 
They are the roadmap which will guide you towards healing and transformation. Here 
are some common patterns we can experience: 
 
• Unavailable men: married men, workaholics, alcoholics, engaged men, 
commitment-phobic men, men who are confused about their sexuality, men 
who are in love with someone else. 
• Losers: low-value men who are not kings. Lazy, unfocused and unambitious. 
• Crumb givers: men who only give you crumbs, not the whole cake! 
• Impossible loves: complicated situations, insanely long-distances, messy 
circumstances, religious conflicts. 
• Dramatic romances: connections filled with drama, intense emotions and 
pain. 
• Rejection 
• Abusive men: narcissists, psychopaths, rage-fuelled men, sociopaths. 
• Love triangles 
72 
 
Do any of the above sound familiar or do you recognise any of these situations? If 
you have been attracting a less than ideal love, it is because there is a disconnect 
between your desire for true love and what you truly believe you are worthy of. When 
your desire is to attract a remarkable love there comes a time to bravely face your fears 
and come to terms with the wounds that created yourfeelings of unworthiness. 
 
Often the love we experience in our adult lives reflects the love we experienced as a 
child. So, if your father was emotionally or physically absent, there will be a strong 
chance that you will attract a man who is often away or emotionally unavailable. If we 
had to work hard to get attention and love from our parents as children, then we may 
find ourselves working equally hard in our adult relationships. Love should flow easily 
and fill your life with grace and joy. Many women have never experienced a love that 
feels this way. They may have felt the intense ‘high’ of new love only to then feel a 
devastating and crashing disappointment. Real love, however, feels peaceful. It feels like 
coming home. 
 
In my life, I always used to attract abusive narcissists and the abuse escalated with 
every man I met. The worst part of it was this - I had no idea that I was being abused. 
Narcissistic abuse is stealthy because it is so subtle. It is a hidden type of intense 
psychological abuse that can be just as damaging as sexual or physical abuse. Eventually 
I reached breaking point and was able to slash through the veil of illusion to the truth; 
that I was indeed being abused. As I learned more about this type of abuse and how it 
manifests, I found it to be a pattern that began in childhood as I had been 
narcissistically abused by my caregivers. This had then set me up for a lifetime of abuse. 
When I looked in the drawer in my mind marked ‘love’ I saw abuse. This kind of ‘love’ 
felt familiar to me when I experienced it from men and I genuinely thought it was love. 
When I met my husband and he showered me with real love and affection, I found it 
difficult to connect and couldn’t relate to it at all. I had no experience of this kind of 
love, and so my mind didn’t even recognise all the loving things he did as true love. 
 
It has taken me years to overcome my childhood of emotional neglect and abuse. I 
had to relearn what love was and train my mind to recognise true love. Essentially, I had 
to learn what should be every child’s birthrite; to flow love out of the innocent heart of a 
child and to have that love returned. In my early years I was taught that love was a 
contract, that love was earned and, if you didn’t behave in a certain way, then that love 
would be instantly withdrawn. Love was dangerous and if I wanted it I would have to 
walk the tightrope of approval to get it. Eventually though, I was able to dissolve that 
pattern and learn to love again. True love flooded my heart and my life was transformed. 
 
What childhood patterns can you recognise? Perhaps you can identify themes from 
your childhood which are now reflected in your adult experiences? Observe your 
childhood now, as an adult. Was the love you received healthy? What about the love 
your parents showed towards each other and how they communicated? So often we can 
draw parallels between what we witnessed and experienced as children regarding love 
73 
 
and relationships and our own adult experiences. Overcoming the patterns from your 
childhood involves learning to re-parent yourself and to give yourself and your inner 
child the unconditional love you didn’t receive when young. In this way you can soothe 
your frightened and unloved inner child and create healing. This is such a beautiful 
process and provides amazing transformative results in the lives of women who choose 
to take on this healing work. Working on and processing these gritty experiences creates 
magic and will shift your energy and raise your vibration to become an energetic match 
for your soulmate. Working with a counsellor or therapist who is familiar with inner 
child work may well be of benefit to you in your situation. Guided meditations to heal 
your inner child and your energetic chakra system are also beneficial and produce 
amazing results. There is more information about healing your inner child, as well as 
narcissistic abuse, in the Resources section of this book. 
 
Negative beliefs about men 
 
Do you think that men are all losers or bastards? Or that all men cheat or will 
disappoint you? Perhaps you believe all the good ones are taken or the best ones are 
already married? If you do, then you are not alone! However, what we believe and focus 
on we manifest in our reality. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we carry 
these negative beliefs within us, the universe can only offer what is in alignment with 
what our minds believe. The world is our mirror and reflects back to us what we believe 
and what we think we are worthy of. 
 
Having an unhelpful attitude regarding men and relationships creates a disconnect 
between our strong desire to attract our soulmate and our life experiences. Some things 
naturally vibe together, like cheese and tomato. However, wanting to find true love 
whilst simultaneously talking about men with disrespect and disdain clashes 
energetically. It is like cheese and chalk. The two energies are competing, and this 
creates an energetic discord which manifests in your love life as chaos, disappointment, 
rejection and loss. 
 
It is true we currently live in a masculine energy world and that the two energies of 
masculine and feminine are out of balance on the planet. However, the negativity we 
experience because of an overly rampant masculine culture is a result of this imbalance, 
not masculine energy per se. Masculine energy is wonderful and men are amazing! We 
are magnetically drawn to them because they are the yang to our yin. Men are only 
crappy, disappointing losers when they are not behaving like kings and are not 
embracing their true Divine Masculine nature. A man transforms from a boy into a man 
when he steps into his natural role of protector and provider. You will find as you work 
on yourself and become a queen, that kings start to appear in your life. You will begin to 
meet quality men, the likes of whom you have never experienced before. They do exist 
and if you haven’t met them yet it may be because your own energetic frequency is 
subconsciously tuned into negative beliefs. 
 
74 
 
Take a moment now to consider your attitude and beliefs about men in general as 
well as men in romantic relationships. What are the first things that come to mind? It is 
helpful to take a day or two to write down negative beliefs about men as they occur. 
Really face your beliefs and see them in black and white. How do you talk about men 
with your girlfriends? Do you make fun of them or bad-mouth them a bit? Your attitude 
towards men will be reflected absolutely in your experiences. Perhaps you are able to 
expand your awareness to see how your beliefs are manifested in the men you meet? 
And that your beliefs really do reflect your experiences? Is there a disconnect between 
your deep desire to find a good man who can offer you true love and the message you are 
sending to the universe through your thoughts? 
 
I realise that observing ourselves in this way can be challenging. However, it is also 
illuminating and can create powerful realisations which will transform your situation. 
Make a pact with yourself to never speak or think negatively about men. Make a list of 
positive affirmations regarding men, dating and romance that you can use to re-
programme your core beliefs. The moment these new ideas are planted in the 
subconscious, your mind will work overtime to find examples of them in your reality. 
Then the positivity will snowball and gain momentum as time goes on. Here are some 
examples to get you started: 
 
• Men are amazing 
• The men I date are kings 
• I attract men who are in their divine masculine energy 
• Men are trustworthy 
• Men treat me with respect 
• Men are loving and lovable 
• I am magnetic to divine masculine energy 
• Men support me 
• The men I meet are all blessings in my life 
• Men empower me 
• I communicate with men with ease 
• I feel safe with men 
 
Can you feel how positive and nourishingit is to think about men in this way? It 
literally raises your vibration. I strongly believe that choosing to have a positive attitude 
towards men helps to heal the world and the toxic aspects of shadow-masculinity. Let 
these wonderful new beliefs take root in your mind and you will see your love life 
transform. 
 
 
 
 
75 
 
Beliefs about love and romance 
 
If you are continually disappointed in love, then you may be unintentionally closed 
off to love in some way. To love and be loved in return is an entirely natural and easy 
process. If we are not attracting the love we desire, then something has gone wrong and 
there are barriers in our way to receiving love. There is a world of difference between 
wanting something and being ready to have it. Only when you are aware of your barriers 
to love can you begin the process of dismantling and dissolving them. Let them return to 
dust so that love can reach you. 
 
Let’s explore what may be at odds with your desire to be in a committed 
relationship. The most common issue people face is their subconscious belief that, if 
they were in a relationship, they would lose something they currently have as a 
singleton. This could be your freedom, for instance, and not having to answer to anyone 
other than yourself. It may be that you feel there is a conflict of interest between being in 
a relationship and your career or personal goals. Perhaps you feel that you will only be 
ready for your true love when you are a certain dress size or have had a nose job and that 
you aren’t lovable until you are ‘fixed.’ 
 
I used to have a deep belief that I had to be perfect to be in a relationship. This 
‘perfection’ involved having an amazing social life, owning my own beautiful home, 
earning a six-figure salary and having bigger boobs! No pressure then! My mind really 
was that bonkers! If I had waited until I had become that person, I would still be waiting 
for love now. Thankfully, I met my husband and the universe showed me the depth of 
true love because, just six weeks after we started dating, he had to nurse me through 
gastric flu. I was the most unpleasant and least perfect you could ever imagine! But my 
husband took it in his stride and loved me just the same. It was the mark of a king and a 
strong message for me about what real love actually is. Thank you universe, duly noted. 
 
At the core of many of our conflicts between our desires and our reality, is our fear 
about being in a relationship. In essence, these are: 
 
• Fear of abandonment (being left) 
 
• Fear of rejection (not being good enough). 
 
This fear is real and can cause distorted behaviour and even self-sabotage. In some 
instances, the fear is so strong that it may even result in being emotionally unavailable. 
This is very common, so if you experience this please know you are not alone. When we 
enter into a relationship, we are vulnerable. It is part of the deal. 
 
To be truly available for a committed romantic union, we must take responsibility 
for our covert beliefs about love and our hidden agendas. We need to get real and 
76 
 
recognise our fears when faced with them. When we venture out into the dating world 
with our hearts filled with fear, our fears are mirrored back to us, sometimes in the most 
painful way. My own father rejected me as a tiny child and later in life, every time I was 
rejected by a man I would relive that past trauma. It was exceptionally painful. It wasn’t 
until I healed my inner child that I was able to stop creating the same situation over and 
over again. I had to heal in order to interrupt the cycle and create new experiences. 
 
Take some time to reflect on your own situation. How will your life in a relationship 
differ from your life now? Do you fear losing some part of yourself or your lifestyle when 
you have a partner? It can take some time to sift through all our beliefs as they are 
deeply ingrained in us and can be difficult to recognise. And what about the fear of 
abandonment and rejection? How close to the surface are they for you? Do they 
manifest in your reality? Only through awareness and being able to identify the problem 
can we heal it and gradually let it go. 
 
Taking time to really work on yourself bridges the chasm between your intention to 
find true love and your reality. Remember the universe can only bring you the love that 
you believe you deserve and are willing to accept. It can be uncomfortable to let go of 
your old identity and often there can be a messy transitional period. When we let go of 
old patterns and beliefs, we are creating space for the new. But in the meantime, the 
space can feel empty. If you want to make a big change, however, and a real difference to 
your love life, you must face the void with courage. Be with it. Embrace it. 
 
 
Healing your heart space 
 
In order to transform into a higher vibrational pattern and attract your soulmate, I 
recommend a regular meditation practice. Getting in touch with the stillness and the 
core of who you are on a daily basis is transformative and will help you to let go of your 
old identity with grace. We flow so much of our energy outwards, but it is very 
restorative (and feminine) to flow your attention inwards where you can find happiness, 
regardless of external circumstances. It is also very helpful to end any unsatisfactory 
relationships that you are holding onto out of fear. The universe will be unable to bring 
you your soulmate if you are crowded by the energy of what you don’t truly want. 
 
Journaling is also a powerful practice which, done regularly, will help you to explore 
your feelings and gain a deeper understanding of your past romantic experiences. You 
don’t need to be a good writer to embrace journaling. Simply get a nice book and pen 
and carve out a bit of time to yourself to explore how you are feeling on the page. You 
don’t need to hold back because no one is going to read what you have written. It is just 
for you. This practice will help you to develop your relationship with yourself and gives 
you the opportunity to explore all the things holding you back from experiencing true 
love. This is always a very illuminating and transformative process. 
 
77 
 
Love is the only reality 
 
A beautiful practice to help you to heal and to attract your soulmate is to expand 
your capacity to love and be loved. Set an intention to invite more love into your life and 
let the energy of love fill every corner of your world. Often, after we have been hurt in 
relationships and life, we slowly shut down and close off our heart space, blocking the 
natural flow of love. Our natural loving energy is replaced by our fears. 
 
We live in an increasingly isolated world where we mainly connect with each other 
via technology and experience less person-to-person communication. But by our very 
nature as humans, we are designed to connect and to interact with one another. We are 
not isolated, and our separation is only an illusion created by the mind. Energetically, 
we are connected to everyone and to everything. 
 
Many of our problems are a result of feeling disconnected from Universal Love, but 
it is impossible to be disconnected from our Source energy. The disconnect we 
experience in the form of loneliness, isolation and suffering is a trick created by the ego. 
You are always connected to Universal Love because Universal Love is who you are. You 
are part of the energetic web of life and you can never be divorced from this truth. 
 
We are quick to separate romantic love from the love we have for a sister, a 
neighbour or a friend - but it is ALL love. Cultivating more love and connectedness in 
your life heals your past pain and is the very opposite of being in a state of shut-down. 
As you go about your daily life, begin to invite more love into your experience. Notice 
when you see people around you expressing love to one another. Perhaps you can make 
more eye contact with thosearound you and really notice the people you interact with in 
shops, restaurants and while travelling? They are all people looking for love and 
connectedness, just like you. Why not make the effort to smile at people more often? A 
smile is contagious and your cheerful disposition will send ripples outwards into your 
community. Also, try speaking to more people and engaging them in conversation. Or 
perhaps you can find a way of coming into closer contact with your community through 
volunteering or a hobby? There is no agenda with this practice, it simply serves to create 
more love in your life. When you radiate the vibration of love, then your True Love will 
naturally be drawn towards you. 
 
It is lovely to feel needed, to care for the needs of others and expect your needs to be 
met in return. A relationship of any kind is always like an infinity loop - you give and 
receive in equal measure. Over time you begin to become attuned to the infinity loop of 
energy between you and another and can sense if you are experiencing a balanced and 
healthy connection or, indeed, if it is a one-way street. In my own life, there were so 
many people who would only take from me and my love, attention, support and 
friendship were not reciprocated. I began to sense that the energetic exchange wasn’t in 
evidence and that I was pouring my energy into a black hole. 
78 
 
 These people are energy vampires who just want to feed off you and take whatever 
they can get. Vampires aside, however, the world is filled with the most wonderful and 
amazing people and it feels lovely to be connected to them. It is still helpful, though, to 
be discerning and to learn to recognise when a connection is not in your highest good. 
Distance yourself from people who do not understand the infinity loop of connectedness 
between people and cultivate relationships instead with those who respond lovingly to 
you. This will create space for you to attract all the good people who will enrich your life 
and create the energy of love. 
 
A beautiful way to expand the loving energy you experience is through a regular 
loving-kindness meditation practice. The Loving-Kindness meditation is based on a 
Buddhist tradition and is a simple practice of sending love to the people around you, 
beginning with those closest to you who you find easy to love. As you immerse yourself 
in the frequency of loving energy, you can expand your love outwards towards people 
you encounter who you don’t know, such as the cashier in your local supermarket. 
Eventually your love can reach out and touch someone who you have a challenging 
relationship with, perhaps an ex-boyfriend or an estranged family member. In this way 
you can invite a softness, or even the seed of forgiveness, into your situation. This is a 
profound healing practice which brings transformative results. You can learn the 
Loving-Kindness meditation by reading about it online or, if you prefer to follow a 
guided meditation, there is a link to one I have created at the back of this book. 
 
Good enough for love 
 
As we have explored, you must love yourself first and know that you are worthy of 
love. Often, we look for love ‘out there’ and we quest it and search for it. But love has 
not gone away. Love is right here, now, waiting for you. You don’t find love, you simply 
rediscover it. Love was never gone, merely hidden. We can’t create a loving relationship 
inside the context of fear and deprivation. We must rediscover that love is always 
available to us and will lavishly bless us when we open our heart to it. 
 
When we wish to be united with our beloved, we can be motivated by love or by fear. 
Fearful motivations may be; fear of being alone, wanting to be taken care of financially, 
wanting to be rescued from our circumstances and, perhaps the most common, someone 
to fulfil our unmet needs from childhood. The only right reason to want to meet your 
beloved is to love and to be loved. The pure exchange of love must be your starting point 
on this journey. Anything else will only attract difficulties and suffering. Our life lessons 
can give us the false belief that the world is a dangerous place and we can get stuck in a 
pattern of survival. You can choose to evolve from surviving to thriving. When you 
choose to thrive, you open your heart to the abundance of love the universe has to offer 
you. 
 
 
 
79 
 
The change 
 
In life we all want something for nothing. We want to fit into the skinny jeans AND 
eat the cheesecake, or we want to live the millionaire’s lifestyle without taking the risks 
or putting in the work to build the multi-million dollar business. This is human nature 
but sadly some effort is required on our part to make our dreams a reality. We have to 
fully engage in this 3D world to see the results we desire. Finding your beloved will 
require change. This means doing things differently and your life may get turned upside 
down on this journey. The idea of change can be very scary to us as we are programmed 
to favour the familiar and what is safe. However, your journey to love is to be found 
outside your comfort zone; perhaps way out, in unfamiliar territory where everything 
looks strange. 
 
You may curse your single status and wish you had someone to share your life with, 
but making the shift from single to being in a committed relationship will require you to 
evolve and to change. You must release who you are in order to become the person you 
are destined to be. If we resist the changes in ourselves, or the changes in our 
circumstances, it can make the transition very painful and it is common to self-sabotage 
our own efforts because we let our fears win out. 
 
On this journey to love, you will lose some part of yourself that you know now. We 
will certainly have to let go of our independence, but this doesn’t mean we become 
dependent on another. There is a happy medium of interdependence; you meet 
another’s needs and they meet yours. It is silly to try and pretend we don’t have wants 
and needs. We live in a beautiful web of connections and no human being is an island. 
We need each other. 
 
Be prepared for the feeling of upheaval and change. There will be an adjustment 
period where you will have to assimilate many new things. When you are prepared, you 
will recognise those feelings when they come, and you will be fully aware when you are 
facing your own fears. During this process, this knowledge can bring a lot of clarity and 
lay the foundations for relationship success. It does not mean you have to compromise; 
you can still have a rich life filled with all the things that are important to you. However, 
it does mean that the things that are important to you now might change. For instance, 
you may be extremely committed to your career but when you look into the eyes of your 
child, you may find that you are equally committed and rewarded by being a mother. 
Nothing has been lost, it has simply changed. We must give up the aspects of the life we 
have in order to have the life we are creating. 
 
Stand firmly in the knowledge that you are changing and evolving and face the 
unknown fearlessly. Some things will fall by the wayside as we travel this path, but loss 
is a part of life. It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. Loss is natural and it is OK to 
mourn what has passed. After winter, surely comes spring with its freshness and hope. 
80 
 
It is a strange thing but when we decide to change, we are often tested. We can find that 
things get worse before they get better, and it can feel discouraging. 
 
This is the Law of Verification in action. When we start to make internal changes, we 
will find that the universe will test us by bringing us the same situation in a different 
guise. This is to find out how committed we are to the changes we are making. It is not 
enough to change our minds, we have to change our behaviour as well. Examples of this 
might be being offered a really high-payingbut unfulfilling job when you have decided 
to follow your passion for art. Or it could mean being presented with another narcissistic 
lover when you are pursuing healthy love and relationships. Often it can be a lover from 
the past who returns when you have been working so hard to let them go or heal from 
your connection. 
 
Experiencing the Law of Verification is a sign that things are shifting. The universe 
has recognised your internal shifts and is giving you a chance to purge all of your old 
stuff. It can feel like you haven’t made any progress, but this is a positive sign that new 
opportunities are just around the corner. This is your chance to show the universe how 
much you have changed by doing things differently and making different choices. It 
wants to verify that you mean what you say. 
 
I see this so often in my own life and in the lives of my friends and colleagues, and 
have come to the conclusion that this is part of the healing process. Our old beliefs rise 
to the surface; they have to come up to be released and we get to slay our dragons once 
and for all. If life begins to test your mettle, don’t give up. It is a purging process, like a 
detox, and you will feel fresh and renewed when all is done. This is the time when we are 
most tempted by distractions and it is helpful to recognise when you are being distracted 
from your path. Distractions can come in many forms, from old flames coming out of 
the woodwork to indulging in a bit too much Merlot. Keep your eye on the prize of true 
love and stay focused on what is in your highest good. 
 
It can be tempting to stick to the old ways of doing things. After all, better the devil 
you know…, but when we stay the same, we end up suffering. Life IS change. We must 
keep up with the pace of this change or else we will suffer in stagnation. If we are not 
moving forward our only choice is backwards, away from our desires. So I urge you to let 
go of your perceived control and surrender to the change. This is your chance to learn 
new ways of coping, ways that are healthier and nourish you rather than numb you. It is 
a beautiful adventure and, rather than fear, embrace feelings of excitement as you flow 
through life towards love. 
 
Letting go of the past 
 
Our past relationships can hold us in emotional bondage as we struggle to let go. If 
we are half in and half out of a relationship, we are giving mixed messages to the 
universe about what it is we truly want. You must do the personal ‘housework’ of 
81 
 
clearing out all the old loves from your heart and your life. This means ending any 
relationships that are past their sell-by date and creating a clean break. It is important to 
let go of any physical mementos of past romances and have a good clear out to stop this 
old energy from weighing you down and creating something new. 
 
I suggest that you also let go of any people you are holding onto who come under the 
umbrella of ‘unrequited love’. Keeping attached to a love which is unrequited only 
causes us great suffering and lowers our energetic frequency, blocking the flow of new 
love that the universe is ready and waiting to give you. When we invest in unrequited 
love, we are sending out the message that there is a deficit of love; it is a lack state of 
being. You are saying to the Universe, ‘I don’t believe there is enough love for me’. 
Remember that you are a radiant goddess, and as a woman you are designed to be 
cherished, loved and wanted. It is your destiny. The most fundamental requirement for 
you to be interested in a guy is that he is interested in you. If a man who you have taken 
a fancy to cannot ‘see’ you and does not return your feelings, it is because God is hiding 
you from him so that you can be available to meet the Divine Selection, your true 
beloved who has been chosen for you. There is plenty of love in the world and an 
abundance of love for you. Turn away from any man who doesn’t adore you. Perhaps 
you can ceremonially let go of them or create a full moon ritual of releasing them. You 
can cleanse the energetic frequency of unrequited love out of your energy field in 
whatever way feels appropriate to you. This may not be an easy process, but it is so 
rewarding because your energy will increase and you will begin to feel more positive as 
new opportunities present themselves. So often women find that the moment they do 
this, their true love walks right through the door! 
 
To forgive ourselves and our past lovers is a powerful and transformational process 
which will carry you forward with grace into a positive future. Unforgiveness only holds 
us back from finding true love. So, who is it you need to forgive? What grievances are 
you holding on to? You may have been grievously wronged by your former lover, but 
holding on to the pain of this experience doesn’t hurt them, it is only hurting you. 
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone what they did, it simply means that you accept it 
and that there is nothing you can do to change the past. If you are unsure how to forgive 
someone please know that your committed intention to offer forgiveness is all you need. 
You may not be able to find forgiveness in your heart straight away but make forgiveness 
your goal and the universe will move heaven and earth to help you in your quest. 
 
A guided meditation about forgiveness can be very beneficial. You can find some 
good meditations on YouTube and the Loving-Kindness meditation I mentioned earlier 
is also very valuable for the practice of forgiving. It can help to write a letter to the 
person you wish to forgive – but don’t send it. Get your thoughts and feelings out on the 
page and tell them how you really feel! This is a very cathartic process. You can write a 
letter to them every day if you want to, for as long as it feels appropriate. Forgiveness 
doesn’t happen in an instant, it is a process. Every day, the feeling fades and becomes a 
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little less until one day you wake up to discover it has gone. What lies on the other side 
of forgiveness is FREEDOM. 
 
I encourage you to look for the good in your past relationships as this can often 
soften your feelings towards someone who you need to forgive. Did you have some good 
times together which made you feel blessed? Perhaps your connection resulted in a 
beautiful child you had together and you wouldn’t change them for the world? Maybe 
you just learned some important lessons about yourself, love and relationships which 
will pave the way for a healthy and happy relationship in the future? Bless your past 
lover for the good times, bless them for the lessons you learned and you will be well on 
your way to transformation and healing. 
 
Toxic people 
 
Learning when someone isn’t good for us and when a connection is unhealthy, or 
even toxic, is one of the biggest lessons we can learn in this life. You would assume it 
would be obvious when a relationship wasn’t in our highest and best interest, but so 
often things can get confused. We can fall in love with someone’s potential, or we can 
spend years trying to earn back the good times from the first few months of a 
connection. It isn’t always clear cut because our ideals and hopes can get confused with 
reality. At best, these relationships can waste our time and, at worst, they can eat away 
years of our lives, causing decimation like a plague of locusts. If this sounds at all 
familiar, know that it isn’t your fault. You are always doing the best with the information 
you have available to you and when you know better, you do better. This is why you 
picked up this book, so that you can do the beautiful work of learning about yourself, 
love and relationships and you can blossom into true love. 
 
Often our capacity to put up with a less than ideal love is based on what love felt like 
at an early stage in life. If the love in your childhood home was earned, based on special 
conditions, not given freely or combined in a confusing mixof love and abuse, then we 
can carry these patterns into our adult lives. We continue to replay our early childhood 
experiences in our mature relationships in an effort to try and heal what went wrong. 
Even when we are acutely aware of our patterns, we can still be ‘triggered’ into acting 
them out in the form of rage, self-sabotage, accepting abuse or being needy. When we 
are unable to get our basic needs met as children (the need to be loved and be ‘seen’) 
this will leave an energetic imprint within our energetic body which must be shifted and 
cleansed to return us to wholeness. 
 
If you are not sure if you have a childhood wound it can be a good idea to talk 
through your childhood and relationship patterns with a professional, to help you gain 
clarity and understand yourself better. However, these energetic patterns cannot be 
healed by thinking them better. Understanding your patterns is the first step. In order to 
remove the energetic blocks holding you back from true love, you must cleanse your 
energetic body of the imprints of early childhood. Use any of the wonderful healing 
83 
 
practices which resonate with you the most. Perhaps you can try reiki or acupuncture? 
Or journaling, meditation and sound healing? I wasn’t into anything ‘woo woo’ at all, but 
when I was faced with the deep pain of my abandonment wound as an adult, it took me 
on a deep healing journey involving healing practices I would have normally dismissed. 
My healing combined journaling, meditation, massage, dance and reiki. I combined this 
with Shamanic practices involving repeating mantras as I stood in free flowing water 
and rituals around the new and full moon. I also had a deep yoga practice which I think 
literally saved my life. You see, I couldn’t talk my way out of my patterns and pain, I had 
to shift the energy. No one thing worked in isolation, it was a synergy of practices and 
my dedication to healing which eventually created the shift and transformation I now 
experience. 
 
Toxic people and toxic relationships will feel draining. When you are in any 
relationship (romantic or platonic) there should be the energetic free flow of love 
between you both. It should be like an energy infinity symbol flowing between each 
party. As you flow love to your person, their love should flow to you in an infinite 
exchange of loving energy. Think of a person in your life - it could be a friend, relation or 
lover - can you see the love infinity symbol between you both? Do you freely exchange 
love with one another? Or is it more like arrows, going one way? If you pour love into 
that person, is it returned? Or do they just take it and give you nothing back, or hardly 
anything at all? A person who freely takes your love, but who does not return it, is 
stealing. They are love thieves, taking advantage and feeding off your love and attention 
like a vampire. The antidote to these draining and unhealthy relationships is to 
recognise when your good nature and big heart are being taken advantage of and to have 
strong boundaries to stop them in their tracks. Never pour your love into a big black 
hole. You deserve to have your love reciprocated, so create strong inner boundaries that 
never let in anyone who is only interested in taking from you. The relationships in your 
life should feel supportive and nourishing. 
 
The fact is, toxic ties cost us REAL love. The price we pay for settling for less than 
we deserve is the pure and true love that is our birthright. You deserve to love and to be 
loved in return. People aren’t projects. When we accept people as they are we see them 
clearly and we can decide if they are for us. Unhealthy relationships are often referred to 
as FOG relationships. They are the connections we make based out of Fear, Obligation 
or Guilt. The fog of these FOG relationships can cloud our judgement as to what is in our 
highest good. Fear may be represented as settling for an unhealthy relationship rather 
than facing being alone. Obligation could be staying in a relationship with someone who 
has problems or an addiction because you feel like they ‘need’ you and won’t be able to 
handle life without you. And guilt can be a couple staying married ‘because of the 
children’. However, a FOG relationship can look like many different things. Can you 
think of any examples in your own life when you have stayed too long in a relationship 
due to being caught in the FOG? 
 
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Being able to recognise when we are in a relationship due to Fear, Obligation or 
Guilt is very empowering. Once we see the situation for what it is, it becomes very 
uncomfortable and nearly impossible to stay. Only then can we see clearly how and why 
we are settling and make the changes to course correct and work towards creating a 
better situation and a happier life. It doesn’t mean we have to find someone perfect 
because we are all imperfect in our human experience. However, a person does need to 
demonstrate that they are actively working towards healing and understanding 
themselves. It is not up to you to take on someone else’s healing journey because, by so 
doing, we deny them the chance to learn the lessons which are part of their spiritual 
journey. Freeing yourself from FOG relationships, and making an agreement with 
yourself never to accept ‘love’ on these terms, is a solid foundation on which you can 
build true connection and true love. 
 
Healing core wounds 
 
The universe does not require us to be perfect in order to heal our patterns and old 
wounds. All we need is a willingness to try and a commitment to our evolution and 
spiritual expansion. You can be imperfect and yet perfectly acceptable. This brings a 
much greater awareness to our situation and restores to us the power of choice in every 
situation. You can choose to stay or to go. To say yes or to say no. To move forward or to 
stay in the mire of the past. Or to accept less or accept more. You see, you have the 
power – it is the divine feminine power which is your birthright. Aristotle said ‘give me a 
child until he is seven and I will show you the man’. I think Aristotle wasn’t fully in his 
woke realisation when he made this statement, but I am sure he meant to include all 
womankind in this observation as well. Modern psychology has since proven that our 
personalities, fears, patterns and quirks are set solidly within us by the time we are 
seven. In our early years we are very impressionable, like little sponges absorbing all the 
information and experiences we encounter. It is common for us then to ‘act out’ from 
the learning of our seven year old psychology, often for the rest of our lives. However, 
this doesn’t have to be the case as we can re-programme our minds with new beliefs 
through the process of neuroplasticity. This is our beautiful capacity for change. We can 
become aware of our faulty childhood programming and seek steps to change it and 
imprint the mind with new healthy beliefs which will create success for us in life. 
 
Childhood beliefs that we are unlovable or unworthy of real love must be revealed 
for what they are - merely a defence mechanism or a construct of the ego or ‘false mind’ 
to protect us. They are not the truth. Every child is born innocent and perfect in the eyes 
of the Divine. If a child grows up without the capacity to freely flow love, to give and 
receive in equal measure then something has gone wrong. Often, we believe our patterns 
and conditions to be highly complex and complicated but on further examination they 
always go back to the same root; that we feel unworthy of love - a seed that was planted 
by our caregivers when we were tiny infants. It may be the case that your caregivers 
were good people and were doing the best in the circumstances with the information 
they had. It is true that ‘hurt people, hurt people’. A primary caregiver who is unable to 
85 
 
connect and flow love will not have been taught how to do this by their parents and willbe unable to pass it down to their children. When we interrupt this faulty belief, we are 
often disrupting generations of faulty programming. In my own family there was a 
pattern of psychological abuse and addiction (lack of self-love). I was the first to 
recognise and end this toxic pattern which went back for generations. This process of 
disrupting ancestral patterns means we are taking on the role of ‘lightworker’, as we are 
illuminating and dissolving energetic imprints which may go back for centuries. 
 
The idea that you are unlovable is a myth and our scars and hurts from childhood 
can diminish our capacity to love and be loved. I invite you to shed your old 
programming and your old skin and be renewed. Healing your original wounds from 
childhood is worth its weight in gold because it opens the doors to a wonderful new 
landscape of abundant love. The patterns from our childhood that we continue to 
recreate in our adult lives are unconscious. The way we think and feel is repetitive, as if 
we were living our lives on autopilot. We are simply recreating what we know and what 
is familiar to us. The first step to disrupting the patterns that are keeping you divorced 
from love is to recognise them. Then reflect on what is keeping you attached to these old 
and unhelpful ways of being. 
 
When we believe ourselves to be unlovable or not sexy then we will be right. The 
subconscious will find a way of manifesting what we believe into our experience. 
Examine how you behave towards yourself. If you are treated by men as if you are 
worthless, are you treating yourself poorly? If you are disrespected in your life, are there 
any ways that you are disrespecting yourself? Perhaps by not taking care of your body or 
treating yourself with kindness? If you have a pattern for attracting unavailable people, 
can you see any ways in which you are unavailable to yourself or unavailable to the good 
that life has to offer? And if you attract commitment-phobic men, just what is it that you 
are not committing to in your own life? Do you need to be more decisive and more 
committed to what is important to you? Remember, you are an amazing goddess. Treat 
yourself with the greatest respect and really show up to your life. Your commitment to 
your own growth will then be reflected in the relationships you have with those around 
you. 
 
Simply because someone said or implied that you were ‘something’ in childhood 
doesn’t mean it bears any truth at all! Perhaps you were told you were plain or lazy. Or 
maybe you took on a role in the family as ‘the fat sister’ or the ‘not very academic 
daughter’. Parents, siblings, neighbours and teachers see us through the lens of their 
own experience, and can be way off the mark in assessing you! Please don’t treat 
yourself the way these people treated you because you are worth so much more. Believe 
me, you can’t fix something if it isn’t broken. You are not broken. You are perfect, whole 
and complete. 
 
Our patterns can feel safe because they are so familiar but in order to surrender to 
love we must first give up being the victim of our patterns and take full responsibility for 
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being healing warriors, determined to be transformed. Let us be strong and fearless in 
examining ourselves and the real cause of what is happening in our love lives. We will 
often discover themes which are energetic ties with family patterns such as worrying, 
addiction, controlling behaviour and co-dependency. When we withhold ourselves from 
others, we are acting out of a protective mechanism, but it keeps us shut down 
emotionally. Letting ourselves be vulnerable in our relationships allows people to get 
close to us and know who we really are. Being vulnerable in love doesn’t mean being a 
doormat. Our vulnerability is a deep feminine trait and one that a man, in his divine 
masculine energy, will find very attractive. The secret is to be soft and open on the 
outside so that we are warm and inviting (to the right man), but to have strong 
boundaries on the inside to stop us accepting unhealthy behaviour. 
 
Too often in life our ‘stories’ about our sad lives and relationships become our 
identities. Holding onto the pain of our past experience only continues to hurt us. The 
pain may be so familiar that we forget what it is like to live without it. The past, and the 
people from your past, have zero authority on how much love and happiness you can 
experience in your future, or even right now! Don’t give away your power to other 
people. They are meaningless. The power is within you. Take back control and get into 
the driving seat of your life. The only thing that matters is what you do with your core 
wound; you can use it as the fertiliser in which you grow all your dreams and desires. 
You can use your past wound to help other people to climb out of the pit of their despair, 
or you can you use it to be wildly successful. Like a majestic phoenix rising from the 
ashes, our past experiences can be the making of us. 
 
No one can make up for the fact that our parents didn’t love us as they should have 
or in the way that we needed them to, although they may have tried their best in the 
circumstances. We can spend many years duplicating the same situations from our 
childhood that caused us so much pain, in the hope of healing the pattern and finding 
resolution and relief. I know this was true in my own life, as I spent a long time trying to 
earn the love of unavailable men in an attempt to heal the wound of my abandonment. I 
was on a mission to ‘work out’ what it was I needed to do to make a man love me enough 
to want to stay. But it never worked. We can long for the love that was missing from 
childhood and spend our adult years searching for it. Giving our romantic partner the 
responsibility of compensating for a lack of childhood love is simply too much pressure 
for one person. It is like a leaky boat; you cannot fix the water, you can only fix the boat. 
And just like the boat, your heart cannot hold enough love when it is bleeding love from 
a past wound. You must stem the bleeding. You must let the wound heal. The secret to 
healing the past is to give to yourself what your caregivers were unable to. This is a form 
of re-parenting where you give yourself the love and acceptance that were lacking and 
make it your goal to meet your own needs. 
 
Remember, you are never alone in this task. When you rise to the challenge then 
Universal Love will rush in to meet you wherever you are in your life. 
 
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The beautiful thing about this process is that when we do this, we start to meet 
completely different types of men! The knight in shining armour will arrive at last but he 
hasn’t come to rescue a damsel in distress; he has come instead to enrich your life and 
make it wonderful. As it turns out, it wasn’t because the men we dated were not meeting 
our needs; it was because, all this time, we weren’t meeting our own needs. 
 
You are worthy and deserving of love. Learn how to re-parent yourself and give 
yourself the love you want. You can give yourself what you have been waiting for and 
find your way home to wholeness. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Chapter 7 
Manifest your man 
 
 
To manifest love you must make more of it. It is possible to literally create more of 
the energy of love and, in so doing, you will be transformed; you actually become love 
itself. Modern dating may sometimes feel like a mess, but if you’re seeking someone to 
share your love with, the path on which to begin is right beneath your feet. The concept 
of manifesting can be a little confusing at first glance. Add crystals to the mix and we 
have a story that might just break a sceptic’s brain. Open your heart and open your mind 
to these powerful ways for attracting love into your life. 
 
Take a moment to envision your ideal relationship, your soulmate and your life 
together. Can you see it clearly, or notat all? You cannot manifest something which you 
cannot see in your mind’s eye. It is important to cultivate your vision and be specific 
about what you want. Specific doesn’t mean rigid. Often, the love of our lives is totally 
different from what we have on paper and at the end of the day, it is fate who determines 
the ‘divine selection’ for you. However, you can send out your desires to the universe 
and they will be fulfilled according to your own energetic frequency. It is good then to 
keep your vibration high. 
 
When we are motivated by fear, we unknowingly sabotage our own efforts. Fear can 
express itself as ‘I must find love because I am so lonely and I hate being alone’. The 
energy behind this feeling is one of fear. It is the fear that you may always be alone and 
that your suffering will never end. You will know if you are motivated by fear in any area 
of your life because you will have a sense of subtle desperation. The goddess would not 
make you suffer for no reason. Whatever experiences you have had or whatever you are 
going through right now, feel safe in the knowledge that Life is always happening for 
you, not to you. Remember, it is true that what you resist persists. Embrace your single 
life and make it as rich and rewarding as you can so that when you meet your man it is 
just the icing on the delicious cake you have already created. Let your fear be replaced by 
tantalising possibility. Let your fears be dissolved and you can confidently announce to 
the universe, ‘I am ready for love’. 
 
Create a vision for your love life 
 
As I have mentioned, it is important to allow yourself to imagine the love you desire. 
You can expand your vision to see your life abundantly filled with love, in every area and 
in every way. A vision board is a wonderful tool to help you to achieve your dream of 
sharing your life with your beloved. Simply put, a vision board is a collection of images, 
words and quotes that represent your desires; the people, experiences or objects that 
89 
 
you want to manifest and bring into your life. You can create a vision board to manifest 
your soulmate and, in the process, this will help you to clarify the qualities, values and 
physical attributes you desire in your person. If you know what you want, you will 
recognise it when it shows up in your life. You can be true to yourself and, by 
recognising your unique desires and personal dreams, fully embrace and own them. 
 
Manifestation is simple, natural and, best of all, brings about amazing results when 
we trust in the process. Your perfect soulmate will appear at exactly the right time - you 
just need to set your intention and know with certainty that this is already true and will 
come into your life. The process of creating your vision board will raise your vibration 
so that you can become an energetic match for your soulmate. 
 
A picture is so powerful and is so much more that the image itself. It creates feelings 
and emotions that touch us on many levels and speaks to both our conscious and 
subconscious mind. We are visual beings and throughout time have created images to 
fulfil an innate need within us. We feel the energy and emotions they evoke, and the 
images we connect with will send out powerful messages to the universe on our behalf. 
Your board will be unique and personal to you and your desires, while the emotions you 
feel when looking at the pictures and words you choose will resonate with you on a deep 
level. 
 
How do I start? 
 
Before you start making your board, your first step is to spend a little time gaining 
clarity on what you want in your perfect partner. Relax and enjoy imagining your 
soulmate. It helps if we can be honest with ourselves, without thinking about what we 
are “supposed” to desire or what other people think is right for us. We can be true to our 
exceptional selves and what this truth is for us. 
 
Here are a few questions to think about to help you get started. I know you will have 
many more of your own. 
 
• What do I find physically attractive in a man? It might be height, colour of his 
eyes or hair or perhaps I really like strong arms or broad shoulders. What is his 
style / what is he wearing? Does he have an outdoorsy style, a smart city look, or 
perhaps a cowboy or surfer vibe? 
• What qualities do I want my soulmate to possess and what are the qualities that 
are important to me? Do any of the following resonate strongly with you? 
Kindness, humour, creativity, open-mindedness, loyalty, fairness, a love of 
learning, a faith or spirituality, courage. 
• What type of job does he have? Does he spend most of his day outdoors, is he 
providing a service, does he work in a city office, does he take care of animals, is 
he successful, what sort of income does he have? It is definitely OK to give 
ourselves permission to desire a soulmate who is financially secure, we get so 
90 
 
many mixed messages around the topic of money and the desire to have more. It 
makes a man feel really good about himself to be able to provide for the girl he 
loves. 
• How do you see yourself spending time with this person, and what will you enjoy 
doing together? For some it might be having a nice dinner in a smart restaurant, 
walking a dog in the woods, hiking, dancing, visiting galleries, snuggled up on 
the couch watching a film, sailing or travelling, learning new things - the 
possibilities are endless and also unique to you. 
• What sort of lifestyle will you have? Are there children, is he a family man, will 
you be travelling, will pets play an important part in your life? Does he come 
from a large and loving family? What sort of home does he live in? How does he 
spend his free time? 
• And, really importantly, ask yourself ‘how will he make me feel?’ When we 
connect with our positive feelings we change and heighten our vibration to 
create powerful changes. Here are a few feelings that may resonate: hopeful, 
sensual, comfortable, protected, loved, cherished, complete, strong, happy, 
optimistic, appreciated, tranquil, excited, receptive, adored, joyful. Think about 
the feelings, really immerse yourself in them and imagine a time when you have 
experienced any of these feelings in the past. 
 
Making your vision board 
 
Now you have spent quality time visualising your soulmate and how you will feel 
with him, you can move on to the next step. It is time to be creative and make your 
vision board to bring the man of your dreams into reality. I am going to share with you 
how I go about it and make my boards. 
 
I believe that we connect to a physical vision board in a far deeper way than we 
would to a digital board such as on Pinterest, which is why I prefer to make one and 
enjoy the whole process of choosing, printing, cutting and sticking. I love this part of the 
process when I choose images and words to represent my vision. When I start choosing 
pictures, I find it helpful to be aware of how the image makes me feel and notice if it 
resonates with some of the feelings I thought about earlier. I like to go with my intuition 
and not spend too much time thinking about it - if it resonates with me, then I know 
straight away. You can also choose pictures of specific things you have identified. This 
may be a place where you and your beloved spend time, an activity you see yourselves 
doing as a couple, or a man with a physical characteristic that appeals to you. It is nice to 
include a few words or phrases that make you feel good or represent what your soulmate 
means to you. Print your pictures and stick them to your board, or in a book if you 
prefer. Be as creative as you wish or just keep it simple. It is all about your intention; by 
putting your heart into it, you are sending the right message to the universe. 
 
Put your board somewhere that works for you - this might be in a prominent place 
or perhaps somewhere a bit more private. Spend a few minutes every day really 
91immersing yourself in the feelings you have created with the images on your board as 
this will keep the vibration high. Trust in the process, the universe is taking care of you. 
 
Making space for your man 
 
You can prepare to call in your beloved by making space for your man in your home. 
The universe loves positive action because it shows that you mean business! You are not 
just dreaming about it, you are prepared to put the work in! 
 
Look around your home; is it ready to receive your man? In your life as it is right at 
this moment, would you be happy to invite your man into your space? Is your bedroom 
an inviting place for intimacy? Is your lingerie alluring or more grey and bobbly?! Is 
there room for your man in your bed or is it a single bed, covered in dogs or cuddly toys? 
Does your space and lifestyle say ‘Yes, man of my dreams, I am your queen!’? Or not so 
much? 
 
Without even knowing it, how your bedroom is set up may be interfering with your 
love life. Your home environment should be open and welcoming, and your bedroom 
dedicated to love, affection, rest, sensual pleasure and rejuvenation. Before you start 
manifesting love, it’s important to look for love killers throughout your space. These 
love killers can stop the flow of love from entering, so getting rid of them can mean 
more love coming into your life. Let’s take a closer look at what will invite the energy of 
love into your space and what will repel it. 
 
Everybody is in a different living situation, but the philosophy I live by is ‘do your 
best with what you’ve got.’ If you don’t already have one, start by getting a double bed 
and, if possible, make sure it can be easily accessed from both sides. Create an ambience 
in the bedroom that promotes intimacy. Don’t wait until your man arrives. Show the 
universe that you are ready for him by doing it now. 
 
Clear out your clutter and, while you are at it, maybe make some space in your closet 
for your beloved to put his clothes. Be sure to have two nightstands, one for you and an 
empty one for your guy. It is a good idea to remove anything related to work or 
household management, like bills, from your bedroom. Find somewhere else to keep it if 
you can, or at least screen it off. The energy of this stuff is all wrong for creating 
romance. You might want to invest in two matching mugs for drinking your morning 
coffee? Prepare for your beloved and show the universe that there is space for him in 
your life. 
 
It is also helpful to get rid of anything from your childhood from your bedroom, as 
well as pictures of your family. You can put them up in the rest of the house because no 
one wants their parents and siblings smiling down on them while they are making love! 
Another excellent tip is to get rid of anything associated with old flames. This could be 
92 
 
trinkets, jewellery or love letters. If you aren’t yet willing to let them go, you will have to 
explore if you are truly ready for your soulmate to come in. Being energetically invested 
in a past love can make it impossible for the universe to bring you The One. If you are 
still using the bed and mattress you used in an old relationship, then it might be time for 
an upgrade. Do what you can within your budget and at least get some new sheets. Feng 
Shui is all about creating harmony and balance; however, a mirror opposite the bed is 
thought to reflect negativity and invite interference from other people or love interests 
from outside the relationship. You may want to consider moving your mirror to another 
wall. 
 
Smudging 
 
All our possessions and furniture hold onto the energy of the people who have used 
them, so the goal here is to cleanse your space of old energy and invite sparkling fresh 
new energy into your life, along with your man! Another brilliant way of cleansing the 
energy of your space and create an energetic blank slate is by ‘smudging’. Smudging is 
the practice of burning sage to cleanse your space of negative energies. I will be honest 
and say that I didn’t really believe in this and passed it off as a bit of nonsense. However, 
I had an experience that changed my mind. A good friend of mine set up a new business, 
an upmarket hairdressing salon in a smart part of town. She put her heart into it 
although she knew the business and space had previously been owned by a mean man 
who had abused his employees. I went into the salon one day and I just felt amazing! My 
spirits were lifted and I felt so good! I said to my friend, ‘it feels lovely in here, I just feel 
so peaceful.’ She said, ‘I will let you into a secret, I spent an hour smudging the whole 
place last night’. She was so shocked that I could feel the difference. Well, it had worked; 
the low vibrational energies had been cleared away and the phone was ringing off the 
hook with new high-paying clients! So now I take care to smudge my home once a 
month and, without exception, everyone who enters my home says how good it feels! 
You can safely say that I am now a firm believer in smudging a space! 
 
It is also possible to symbolise love, romance, union and passion with the objects 
and furnishings in our homes. Red and orange are associated with the root and sacral 
chakras which promote desire, sex, intimacy and fertility, so perhaps you can add hints 
of these colours in your space? Your artwork should reflect the happiness, love and 
lifestyle you wish to experience. After all, you are seeing these images every day and they 
will have an impact on your subconscious mind. So avoid depressing or melancholy 
pictures that lower your vibration and definitely have no images of women on their own 
or looking lonely! Artwork which represents happiness, couples or family (if you would 
like to have one), is a much better option for promoting partnership. 
 
It is also lovely to decorate your space with crystals such as rose quartz, as this is 
traditionally thought of as the love stone. A rose quartz sphere will work wonders in 
your love life because spheres emit energy in all directions and represent wholeness, 
which is perfect for inviting love in. Every day, place a rose quartz tumbled stone in your 
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bra or shirt pocket. Wear it throughout the day to remind you to stay connected to your 
heart and to be open to the possibilities of love surrounding you. Objects in pairs such as 
cushions, ornaments, lamps or candlesticks are also traditionally believed in Feng Shui 
to promote romance and will help to call in your man. By making these simple changes 
your space will be ready for your man to walk right in to your life! 
 
 
Scripting 
 
It is possible to speak the life of your dreams into existence through the use of 
scripting. This is the daily practice of writing, in detail, how you would like your life to 
be. This habit empowers the Law of Attraction and helps you to manifest whatever you 
desire, effortlessly. I am passionate about scripting and a huge believer in the power it 
has to change and shift everything in your reality - it really has been a powerful aspect of 
my own spiritual journey. Scripting changed my life. It attracted wonderful new 
friendships with like-minded people, it brought me opportunities to travel to beautiful 
places and it helped me to create my successful, heart-centred business. The techniques 
I am about to share with you, if used regularly, will amplify every single part of your day 
and your journey towards meeting your soulmate. 
 
Scripting is essentially the practice of free writing with the purpose of describing 
your desires as though they have already happened, on the page. Carve some time out 
just for yourself, get comfortable, relax and let yourself go into the process. Get a good 
sized, ruled book or pad (I like to use a hardbacked, wire-bound book) and a pen and 
begin writing your dream life, as you imagine it. It is important to know that you don’t 
need to be a good writer to do this. And you don’t need to feel self-consciousbecause 
what you write is private. Write down what is in your heart, as though your wish has 
already come true. You can begin by writing ‘I am so happy and grateful that…’. Fill in 
whatever it is that you are so happy and grateful for. For instance, you may say ‘I am so 
happy and grateful for my wonderful soulmate who I share my life with. I love how safe I 
feel with him and how I feel when I am wrapped up in his strong arms. I feel so much 
joy walking along the beach with him at sunset and the laughter we share as he tells me 
funny stories.’ You see? In this practice you are writing down your immediate desires 
and speaking as though they have already happened. 
 
The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between something real and 
something which is vividly imagined. That is why we can cry at a sad film. The sad thing 
hasn’t really happened; it is just a story on a screen. And yet the subconscious mind 
believes it to be real. The body has a powerful emotional response to what it has seen. 
This is why I am very careful what I expose my subconscious mind to. I never watch the 
news, scary films or dramas filled with violence or aggression. I don’t want this 
negativity in my real life, so why would I want to watch it as ‘entertainment’? It can be 
helpful to be aware of what you expose your subconscious mind to and whether it is 
healthy or not because, in this way, you can raise your vibration and release feelings of 
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anxiety. It makes a huge difference to your overall mindset. Scripting your dreams into 
reality is the same principle. 
 
Writing down your desires, and feeling the feelings brought about by those 
experiences, creates a powerful impression on the subconscious mind. Your 
subconscious believes these experiences to be reality and your mind becomes rewired 
with this new ‘reality’ through a process called neuroplasticity. Once your inner world 
has shifted, your outer world will soon follow. This is an entirely natural process and one 
which we are doing all the time, even though we don’t realise it. We are all master 
manifestors and we have much more control over our external circumstances than we 
think. We are manifesting our experiences all the time based on our beliefs and feelings. 
 
In the past I used to live in a state of chaos. My home was a mess, I was always late 
and I was forever caught up in some drama. Either my boiler had broken down beyond 
repair or I had totalled my car and there was some glitch with my insurance so I couldn’t 
replace it. I just went from one dramatic circumstance to the next. However, when I 
realised that I was the architect of my own reality and began a spiritual practice of 
scripting and affirming good things for myself, my life changed. I now live in a ‘flow 
state’ where things go smoothly for me and I easily attract the things I need. These days, 
I expect my life to be simple and easy and it is! However, this is a continuous practice 
and I am always learning more about myself and shedding old layers as I grow in 
understanding and awareness. 
 
When you are scripting, you can just freestyle and let go, writing whatever flows 
through you. Think about all those things you want to experience with your soulmate 
and start writing, and even acting, as if they have already happened. Start speaking how 
you want to feel on a daily basis, as though you are experiencing it now. For instance, 
you can write ‘I am so happy and grateful that all my exchanges are happy and uplifting’. 
Or ‘I love working in this happy work environment.’ You are expanding good feelings 
into every area of your life which makes you instantly more magnetic to love. Every 
single day, explore how you want to feel and instead of focusing on what you don’t want, 
invite more of what you do. You might write ‘I love kissing and laughing with my 
soulmate and I feel so grateful to share my life with him’. 
 
The universe is conspiring to make all your wildest dreams and wishes come true. In 
the next section of your scripting, take some time to explore and acknowledge that you 
are not alone on this journey; the universe is always supporting you and loving you. So 
you might write ‘I am grateful for the opportunities from the infinite good of the 
universe’. This energy is always helping to conspire to create more love and happiness in 
your life. You are constantly co-creating with the universe and are an equal and opposite 
part of this energy which is bringing you into alignment with your experiences. Your 
scripting might say ‘I am so grateful to the universe for being in the flow of all the good I 
desire’. This is freestyle scripting with the aim of giving thanks to this energy for 
showing up in your life and for the support of the universe. You are not doing this by 
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yourself because the Divine is inherent in what you wish to create for yourself. Take 
some time to write and give thanks and praise for that energy in your life. 
 
The last section of your scripting is focused on making a commitment to love. This is 
how we close our scripting session. We empower and imprint on our subconscious mind 
how we want to show up to our lives today. We might say ‘I am so grateful for being a 
pure expression of divine love. I commit to being in alignment with goodness and only 
sharing good thoughts, actions and feelings with those around me. I commit to joy and 
to giving and I am grateful for expressing my authentic self to the fullest of my capacity.’ 
Gratitude is the currency of the universe. By taking a moment to affirm what kind of 
person we want to be in our precious lifetime, we become a better reflection of our 
higher selves. 
 
Affirmations 
 
It is possible to activate higher vibrations to attract love into your life through the 
use of affirmations. Positive affirmations enhance your ability to attract that higher 
vibration and create an abundance of love in every area of your life. Affirmations are 
words and phrases that we repeat to help to re-programme the subconscious mind with 
positive new beliefs about relationships, men and love. The universe responds to our 
core beliefs, and our experiences are a result of them, which is why it is so important to 
replace old beliefs with vibrant and positive new ones to create new and wonderful 
experiences for ourselves. 
 
Positive affirmations will change your love life and the amount of success you have. 
You are an infinite human being on this planet. Everything available to you is infinite 
and all the love that you could ever imagine in your life is here with you now, in this 
moment, in harmony and in alignment with your body. Infinite Source is always flowing 
through your body making you a vehicle of abundance and love. You can connect to this 
truth with affirmations. You can repeat your affirmations at any time of day, doing them 
silently in your mind, or say them out loud if appropriate. I like to do mine when I am 
doing the chores, having to sit through a boring meeting or lunch (in my head!) and 
when I am driving and in the shower. You can make a list of your own affirmations, if 
you like, or you can follow a guided affirmation recording which allows you to repeat 
affirmations as they are spoken. For guided affirmations, please see the resources 
section at the back of this book. Beautiful affirmations to help you attract love include: 
 
Love is everywhere 
I flow with the energy of love 
All my relationships are harmonious 
My life is filled with love 
It is safe to love and to be loved 
I share a beautiful life, with my soulmate 
My soulmate is here, now 
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I am a magnet to my soulmate 
I am a magnet for love 
Love radiates from my heart 
 
In this way, love will radiate from the core of your being, and you will attract the 
man of your dreams towards you. Know that this relationship is here now and is 
available to you. Once we tune in, we recognise that everything we want in this lifetime 
is always available to us inthe moment. You are not separate from the Divine and this 
allows you to draw in the vibration of what you most desire. Affirm to the universe what 
it is you want. I find that mirror affirmations are the most powerful; this involves 
repeating your affirmations about love, while looking into your own eyes in the mirror. 
This will quickly reveal any resistance you may have and help you to gently work 
through it, dissolving old patterns and negativity. The love that you seek is also seeking 
you. It is simply about tapping into the energy and starting to navigate it, allowing it to 
come into your experience. There is no restriction on the love and happiness you can 
have in your life except those restrictions we have placed on ourselves. Our way of 
working through this is by reprogramming the mind with affirmations. 
 
The universe wants you to have everything that you want to come to fruition in your 
life and will make it available to you. Every good thing you desire is coming to you from 
a source of Unconditional Love. As you explore your affirmation practice you will begin 
to feel expansive and the universe will flow through you, making everything you desire 
available to you. The universe is infinite, and you are an extension of the universe. 
Through affirmations you can connect to the love you want and know that it is infinitely 
available to you. There are no restrictions or boundaries to the love that you can create 
in your life. Any restrictions we experience are as a result of our ego or the ‘false mind’. 
Affirmations will help you to work through those and connect to your limitless potential. 
All the energy of love available is here, at one with you now. When you start connecting 
with this type of awareness, first the power and fuel, and then the energy, amplifies. This 
brings your vibration into an extremely magnetic frequency which is in alignment with 
your highest good. This is exactly where you want to be when you are attracting love into 
your life, and it is all thanks to the process of affirmations. Infinite possibilities are 
always available to you. Your life is not restricted and can be transformed into love. 
 
The letter 
 
Love. The greatest experience of all, and one that is meant to be explored every day. 
From best friends to lovers and everyone in between, we spend so much time and energy 
giving love. Women in particular are great at nurturing others but often we forget, avoid 
or neglect to love ourselves. No matter your age, place, race or space, you are amazing, 
capable, special, wise, and caring - even if you suffer from the worldwide epidemic many 
women struggle to overcome - never feeling good enough. The truth is that you are 
exactly enough. You are enough of everything in this very moment. You need nothing 
else, except of course to believe and accept your ‘enoughness’ as truth. Because once you 
97 
 
allow these feelings to pulse from within you, you will find that you are, in fact, a source 
of powerful love. 
 
When our heart desires our soulmate, that special someone to spend our lives with, 
it can be easy to become caught up in looking for love ‘out there’. On the face of it, it 
seems so much easier to get someone else to fill our ‘love cup’; to tell us that we are 
special and beautiful and magical. It seems simpler somehow to let someone else decide 
that we are enough, and then we don’t have to worry about it. But life is lived right now, 
in this very moment. You don’t need to wait for Mr Right to show up in your life for you 
to feel cherished and adored. I invite you to cherish and adore yourself, as your beloved 
will. Give yourself the love you crave. A wonderful way to give love to yourself is to turn 
things upside down and write a love letter, to yourself. 
 
The practice of writing a love letter to yourself is creative and powerful. The art of 
letter writing is pretty much dead, but don’t you desire a beautiful handwritten letter, 
filled with love and warmth that you can treasure? I know that our communication now 
is all about email and WhatsApp, but a letter is still heavily imbued with romance and 
magic. I like to think of the letters that Mr Darcy wrote to Elizabeth Bennet in Jane 
Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. He says ‘you must allow me to express how ardently I 
admire and love you’. Ardently admire and love you!!? It is pure gold! 
 
I encourage you to buy some lovely paper and write the love letter to yourself that 
you dream of receiving from your soulmate. This is your chance to put your heart on 
paper, tap into the depths of your being and exhale with words. You are taking love into 
your own hands by putting pen to paper. You can make it into a ritual, by lighting 
candles and pouring a glass of wine. You can make this time with yourself special. Relax 
and let your heart do the talking as you write everything that you would wish your lover 
to say to you. Here are some ideas to help you get started: 
 
I love you because… 
You are so beautiful because… 
I appreciate you because… 
You are so special because… 
I am so proud of you because… 
 
Writing a love letter to yourself feels so nourishing and is a truly enriching 
experience. When you are finished, put it in an envelope and seal it (with wax if you are 
feeling fancy). You can read it at a later date or even mail it to yourself if the thought of 
it makes you happy. I was once asked to write a love letter to myself while on a retreat in 
Greece. The retreat company posted the letters at a later date and so I received my love 
letter about two months after I had returned home to rainy old England. When I 
received that letter, I was shocked at the beautiful things I had promised myself in that 
moment, with the Aegean sea lapping at my feet. The love I had given myself in the 
golden light of the Greek sunshine had ebbed away since I had returned to my routine 
98 
 
and my responsibilities. However, receiving that letter made my heart sing. I was 
literally filled with love for myself and it prompted me to make some changes in my life 
to live more in accordance with the truth of who I was. Also, I met my husband about 
two weeks later! 
 
My friend, Sophia, decided to write a love letter to herself every day for thirty days. 
It was a beautiful spiritual practice for her – not only did she find that her self-love grew 
over the passing of days, but so did the love she experienced in her daily life. Soon after 
this practice, Sophia met her soulmate and began a beautiful romance. About a year into 
her relationship with him, she found her stash of old love letters and was shocked to see 
that her fiancé, Stephen, would say many of the same things she had written to herself – 
although his words were in emails, funny postcards or texts sent when away on his 
travels. Not as romantic as a letter perhaps, but he used the exact words that Sophia 
had said to herself. It was quite uncanny. The world really is our mirror and what we 
subconsciously believe will be reflected back to us from those around us. Show yourself 
some love by writing a love letter for yourself and see your self-esteem grow and your 
self-love blossom. 
 
The universe loves it when we demonstrate our intentions with physical actions. It is 
the difference between wanting something and demonstrating that you are serious 
about experiencing it! By combining these practices, you will dramatically shift your 
energetic vibration and release any frequencies from the past. As your inner world 
shifts, your outer world will reflect the positive changes you are making. For every action 
there is an equal and opposite reaction. As above, so below. All of the suggestions above 
are investments in yourself and what you truly want and will bring powerful results. You 
are creating a life filled with beauty and wonder, a life which is just bursting at the 
seams with love. And, when all is said and done, a life well lived is a life well loved.99 
 
 
Chapter 8 
The Commitment Connection 
 
There comes a stage in every good relationship when it feels natural to want to take 
it to the next level and to deepen your commitment to one another. What is it that 
makes a man decide to give up all other women and choose you for a lifelong 
commitment? There are several factors at play, and we will take a closer look at them 
now. 
 
Is he the marrying kind? 
 
When you are dating a guy, it is very important to know if you are on the same page 
when it comes to committed relationships. If you know in your heart that you would like 
to be married, or have some other long lasting and symbolic commitment, then it is 
important to make this crystal clear to your man from the start. And likewise, in the first 
few weeks of getting to know each other, you must ascertain if he is the marrying kind. If 
your man says that he would never want to get married again after the horror of his 
divorce, or he really doesn’t see the point in marriage, or that marriage is ‘just a piece of 
paper’, then you are clearly not in alignment. It doesn’t matter how perfect the guy is, or 
how attracted you are to him, he is telling you directly that he is not your guy. This is not 
an invitation for you to chase him or persuade him that you are his girl. Remember, 
these are convincing behaviours or expressions of masculine energy which are the 
opposite of how a man decides to commit to you. A radiant goddess, in her empowered 
feminine energy, never wants to persuade a man that she is good enough for him. You 
want a man to be inspired to marry you and to come to you, all on his own. 
 
Please do not over invest in a man before you know if you are on the same page. 
Take the time you need to really get to know your guy and use discernment to decide if 
he is the right man for you. I know it can be painful to walk away from a good man who 
doesn’t have the same beliefs about marriage and commitment as you. However, it is not 
as painful as wasting months or years waiting and hoping that a guy might change his 
mind and continually feeling not good enough. You are good enough! Please don’t 
tolerate a man who isn’t as excited to be with you as you are with him. In the early stages 
of dating you can say something along the lines of ‘I see myself married with children, 
when the right man comes along’. This is a high-value way of expressing yourself in a 
way that is non-threatening to the guy. You are merely stating your preferences and 
what is right for you. This will give him a framework within which to work. The bottom 
line is that you should be willing to walk away from any man who isn’t in alignment with 
your desires. The universe will often test us to see how serious we are about our desires. 
Any fish that does not meet your criteria can be thrown back in the sea. 
 
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Moving in together 
 
Often, the next step on the relationship journey is to move in together and, on the 
face of it, this can look significant. This is a win-win situation for the guy. He gets all the 
perks of being married but without actually marrying you. This means he gets the sex, 
has access to you, gets your attention and support, bathes in your feminine warmth and 
generally gets his physical, emotional and spiritual needs met by you. But what about 
you? Will you be getting everything that you want? Will you feel resentful, giving so 
much and not receiving everything that you desire and need in return? Once you have 
moved in together, the guy simply doesn’t have the motivation to marry you. He won’t 
be able to see the difference or what is in it for him. It is true, he may decide to propose 
eventually but, just as likely, will not. So, what is the best approach? 
 
There can be many benefits to living together before you make the deeper 
commitment of marriage, such as getting to know the real person and seeing if you can 
cohabit peacefully. It can be beneficial to spend more time together, at each other’s 
places, maybe for long weekends. You can take over a few items to make your stay more 
comfortable (or vice versa) without moving out of your place entirely. However, it is 
wise to not let this situation be indefinite, so just give it a few months as things develop. 
If you would like you and your guy to be married, the best scenario is for your man to 
propose before you take the step of moving in together. When a man proposes, you 
know he is serious about committing to you. He has taken positive action and has made 
it clear that you aren’t just an option, you are The Option. It is helpful then to announce 
and celebrate the engagement before you cohabit. If you also have a date set for the 
wedding, then even better because it is a more solid commitment. It is important for 
your man to understand that he won’t have full access to you, and all the perks of being 
with you, before he has made a substantial commitment. You can express this to your 
guy by saying something along the lines of ‘I wouldn’t consider moving in with a guy 
until we were thinking of a more committed relationship, like marriage. It just wouldn’t 
feel good for me.’ In this way, you are stating your preferences without telling him what 
you would like him to do. You are simply expressing your standards and that the right 
man will have to win a place in your life. Later in the chapter we will discuss how to 
inspire a man to reach this place where he wants to commit to you, all on his own. 
 
Please remember that your own personal preferences are important. If you really do 
want to move in with your guy, without an offer of marriage, then do what is right for 
you in your own situation. However, be aware that things may lose momentum, or he 
might not have as much motivation to take things to the next level if you cohabit without 
a plan for the future. Alternatively, you may not want to move in together until you are 
husband and wife. Or you may be happy with his promise of commitment, but without 
any official declaration of your union. If in doubt, follow your own intuition and, when 
the time comes, do what feels good and right in your personal circumstances. 
 
 
101 
 
What is love? 
 
It is natural to want to choose a long-term partner carefully, so let’s take a moment 
to look at what love is not. 
 
Lust is not love. It is common to see so many marriages based on physical attraction 
where, when the lust wains, the relationship itself dies. It is lovely to be attracted to 
someone in this way but beware of the intoxicating cocktail of chemicals at work when 
you are strongly sexually attracted to a guy. This brain chemistry cocktail is not enough 
to build a strong foundation and lasting relationship. Your relationship needs to be 
more well-rounded and to include friendship and the ability to be able to communicate 
well and resolve conflicts, as well as have a spiritual connection and shared interests. 
 
Drama is not love. Many relationships or ‘situationships’ can be drama fuelled and, 
again, this can create a very intense brain chemical cocktail that is easy to mistake for 
love. Real love is peaceful and calm. If you are used to a diet of dramatic relationships, it 
can even feel a bit dull in comparison. However, real love is a safe shore, a calm harbour 
and feels like coming home. If you are in a connection filled with drama, please don’t 
think that it will ever be any other way. A dramatic connection will always be dramatic, 
often filled with pain and even unhealthy. When you meet your soulmate, you will feel 
peaceful, safe and know in your heart that you can express your authentic self freely. 
 
The “imaginary man” is not the love of your life. It is common for us to project our 
desires onto a man or to fall in love with a man’s potential. You know how it goes; ‘he 
would be perfect if only he would stop drinking’ or ‘when he really feels my love then he 
will get a handle on his anger issues’. I call this the imaginary man. Whatwe are seeing 
in this guy isn’t reality, it is a fantasy we have created in our minds based on our hopes. 
It is true that a guy might have potential, but it is not up to you to help him realise it. His 
life is his own to live and you will only feel resentful if you pour a lot of yourself into a 
guy only to find that he wakes up, becomes the man of your dreams and then moves on 
with his life! A man should be active and committed to working on himself and his 
issues, or already be whole and healthy, for you to consider something serious with him. 
It is important for the man you choose to be fully capable and to have the skills to live 
the life he wants to live, as opposed to having to be rescued by you. The man you choose 
must be a king! You are a worthy goddess, so don’t settle for anything less. Take off your 
lust goggles or your rose-tinted spectacles and give him the respect of seeing him as he 
really is, in the cold light of day. If you still like what you see, then you know he is a 
keeper! 
 
A truly authentic woman does not choose her life partner based on the drama 
cocktail, the lust cocktail or a man’s potential. I know that these can feel very compelling 
and intense, but this is not the stuff a successful marriage is made of. Step into your own 
power and align yourself with a good masculine energy man who always has your best 
interests at heart and with whom you have a healthy and well-balanced relationship. 
102 
 
Inspiring commitment 
 
At some point on the journey, you will meet a man who you would feel great being 
married to. This is a beautiful time in your life and in your relationship. However, we 
often approach this next step in a relationship in a way that actually pushes him away, 
kills the attraction and even ends the relationship. We usually try to ‘get’ a man to 
commit to us by trying to figure him out, giving him ‘the talk’ or doing our best to create 
a ‘song and dance’, continually trying to convince him of our worth. All these things are 
convincing, masculine-energy traits that will result in the man you love feeling confused 
and pulling away. If his energy is not coming towards you, that is making time for you, 
arranging dates and being thoughtful, then there is nothing you can SAY to speed things 
along or to get him to change his mind. 
 
The secret to your success is to activate your inner goddess, your radiant feminine 
energy that a masculine energy man will resonate with on a deep level. This is how you 
inspire a man to commit to you, rather than persuading him of your worth. Sounds 
much better and more romantic, right? When you step into your feminine radiance, if he 
is the right man and he is emotionally capable, he will feel compelled to draw closer to 
you. 
 
We have explored feminine energy, being a goddess and healing your past wounds 
in previous chapters. When you do the work on yourself, you will easily align with your 
goddess energy - this is the energy that will have your man begging to be your husband! 
A woman who is in her goddess energy is a vibrant woman who owns her own agency 
and exudes confidence and self-assurance. This means being in a relaxed, languid state 
where you are completely assured that you will receive the love, adoration, affection and 
a committed relationship, easily. 
 
When your life is filled with activities, projects, or work that you are passionate 
about and that give your life meaning, a man will know he has to work out how he will fit 
into your life and what he will have to do to make it happen. You become a puzzle he has 
to solve, and this will put him into his empowered masculine energy where he feels best. 
This will also allow him to win a place in your life and your heart. Put simply, you must 
be completely content on your own, doing your own thing. In this way you give out a 
vibe that says ‘you would be lucky to be a part of my world.’ When you flow with this 
energy there is no question of having to talk to a man about commitment. This type of 
conversation will feel like pressure to him and it is so unromantic to have to cajole a 
man into giving you the commitment you want. 
 
Rise up sister! Keep yourself occupied with good feeling goals and activities and 
your man will be drawn to you naturally, in a way that he can’t help but want to lock you 
down and make you his girl! 
 
 
103 
 
The relationship timeline 
 
When it comes to dating and relationships, men and women can view things very 
differently. Women see a guy, have sex, become exclusive, go on a vacation with him or 
meet his family and see these as different stages along a timeline moving us towards 
commitment. For a man, however, there are only three stages on his timeline: 
 
1. The first date 
2. The proposal 
3. Lifelong commitment 
 
Before the proposal, there is a good chance that he is still only at stage 1 on his 
timeline. Men are much more likely to take things as they come and enjoy the present 
moment experience of being with you, rather than thinking about the future or what it 
all means. You can find that you are not on the same page with your guy, or even the 
same book, when it comes to your relationship status! So it is important not to get ahead 
on the relationship timeline with your guy. If you are ahead of him and encouraging him 
to catch up, he might feel under pressure when he is just enjoying the experience of the 
relationship and it can dial down the attraction. When we lean forward with our words 
and actions towards a man, it destabilises the dynamics in the connection which then 
becomes unstable. A man will sense this and feel off balance and less of a man. A man 
wants to ‘win’ the heart of his dream girl so if we are already ahead of him on the 
timeline, it doesn’t give him much of a chance to chase you and win you over. 
 
The secret is to stay in pace with the man you love on the relationship timeline, or 
even be one step behind him. This will give him the opportunity to win your heart and 
lets a deep connection and commitment happen naturally. Follow your guy’s lead and 
just let things unfold. Stay in the present moment and enjoy each moment with him as it 
happens, all the while trusting that everything is working out for your highest good. 
Let’s take a closer look at what inspires a man’s commitment: 
 
Commitment factors 
 
A man needs to be sure of a couple of important things before he will consider 
committing to you. He needs to know: 
 
• He can make you happy – he wants to know that he can make you happy and 
that it is easy for him to do this. 
 
• You respect him – men favour respect above love in relationships. 
 
Research has shown that when men feel respected, or you tell a man that he is 
respected, the same areas of the brain ‘light up’ as when women feel or are told they are 
104 
 
loved. Respect and love are very closely linked in a man’s mind. You can express your 
respect for a man by not undermining his opinion or decisions. You can also tell your 
man that you respect something that he has done. By simply using the word ‘respect’ 
rather than ‘love’ or even ‘thank you’ with your man, you are communicating with him in 
a way that he can connect to deeply and this will raise your value in his eyes. 
When the man you love is making you happy, then be sure to always let him know! 
Don’t assume that he knows what you are feeling and thinking. Acknowledge everything 
a man does for you which makes you happy, such as organising a lovely date, taking you 
on a trip, opening the car door or picking up your napkin when you have dropped it. He 
isn’t obliged to do these things for you; they are gifts he is giving you because he is trying 
to win you over. Let him know that he is doing a good job and making you happy by 
expressing how you feel by using feeling statements. Tell him that he makes you feel 
happy, cherished, safe or adored when he does little (or even big) things for you, and 
you will be positivelyencouraging him to pursue you. He will be happy that you are 
happy, and he will feel good to be around you. This will make him want to get closer to 
you and take steps towards lifelong commitment. 
 
Stalling 
 
If you find that you are in a relationship with a man and he is stalling over 
commitment, or taking things to the next level, there are a few things you can do to 
change the energy dynamic. 
 
The most common reason for a man to stall is that he is just not the right man for 
you. It may be that he has a lot of emotional baggage, or has unhealthy relationship 
patterns from the past or his childhood, which make it impossible for him to be 
emotionally available at this level. This can be difficult to hear when we are invested 
emotionally in a guy but remember, a man is always telling you how he feels about you 
through his actions. You can’t control anyone else or the situation. We often think that 
we can control our lives but control is just an illusion. Fate decides the outcome every 
time. What you do have control over is your own behaviour, responses and how you feel. 
Don’t let a man hold the key to your happiness. If there is one thing I would love for you 
to take away from this book, it is that the key to your happiness should always be with 
you. The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so cultivate this 
relationship and you will find that everything else falls into place. A man may enrich 
your life and add dimension to it, but you must never let him be at the centre of your 
happiness. 
 
Another reason why your man might be stalling and not making a commitment is 
that you have inadvertently resorted to some form of chasing or pursuing behaviour. 
Men are very sensitive to these things and it will just make him run away! Please don’t 
worry, simply relax and begin by giving him some space. Men appreciate this so much 
and he will instinctively want to come closer to you. Remember, you don’t need to work 
hard for love. When you love yourself deeply then love becomes so easy. There is no 
105 
 
need for you to audition to be his wife. A man wants to ‘win’ his dream woman so don’t 
deny him the chance to catch you and keep you. This isn’t the same as playing hard to 
get. Games are for children and will never inspire a man to commit to you. Your words 
and actions are enough to show him that you are discerning and are looking for the right 
man, not just any man. 
 
If you feel powerless in your situation, it can be helpful to take your attention away 
from the man and put it back on to yourself where it belongs. Take back your 
empowered feminine energy and know that you create your own reality with your 
vibration. Focus instead on your own pleasure by following your bliss and doing the 
things you love. Take time to get in touch with your feelings and begin a practice of 
honouring your feelings. Your feelings are valid and are a compass to guide you through 
life. When you think of your emotions in this way, you naturally become less reactive to 
external circumstances. Be curious and notice your flow of emotions because they are 
always trying to point you in the right direction. Things which make you feel bad or 
anxious are not in alignment with who you are. However, things which make you feel 
content, good or happy are in alignment and this is an indication of who you are 
authentically. 
 
Do more of what you love, and more love will blossom in your life. By listening to 
yourself, you learn how to trust yourself. When you know that you can take care of 
yourself and do right by yourself, then you feel safe. You will have strong and solid 
boundaries which mean that you can trust yourself to make good decisions about what is 
right for you in every situation and in every area of your life. There is so much solace to 
be found in the deep knowledge that you are looking after Number 1 and that you’ve got 
your own back. This inner ‘safety’ makes a man feel very safe when he is with you and 
will draw him closer to you. A woman who knows who she is and what is important to 
her in life is very magnetic to masculine energy men and naturally inspires a man to 
commit. 
 
Learn to love all of yourself, even the ‘shadow’ parts of yourself, the parts which feel 
wrong or need healing. Bring everything out into the light of love. The fact is, when we 
are wounded ourselves, we attract wounded energy. But when we have done our inner 
work we are an energetic match for a man who is at our level. This is the essential 
foundation to inspiring a man to commit. A man who has got a lot of issues and has 
wounded energy from his past will not be in the energetic or emotional space to enter 
into a deep and committed relationship. When we are wounded it is extremely common 
for us to choose romantic partners who mirror our own wounds back to us. However, 
this mirroring effect in our relationships can actually be really helpful and offers a 
shortcut to finding out what it is within ourselves that needs to shift. When you have 
made these empowering changes inside you then you will be ready to attract a loving 
and committed relationship. Once you are healed, this shift will be reflected back to you 
by your man and you will find that love and commitment are magnetic to you. 
 
106 
 
Shift your vibe 
 
If you find that your man is stalling when it comes to commitment, I suggest leaning 
back energetically and avoid doing the following things; initiating affection, analysing 
him, giving him the third degree about the relationship, leaning forward energetically, 
earning his love, convincing him of your value, trying to recreate how the relationship 
was in the beginning or forcing something to happen. STOP! I know how painful and 
frustrating it can be when such an important relationship stalls. It can be agony but by 
being wise and flowing with your feminine energy the relationship dynamics will shift all 
on their own. It is really wonderful to experience this change. Men aren’t like us girls; 
they don’t analyse the relationship. Men are much better at living in the moment and 
when it comes to relationships, they follow their instincts. They simply stay with what 
feels good. If things stop feeling good, they don’t chase it down or try and recapture it, 
they just drift away. We should take a leaf out of their book! What a great way to live life! 
Stay with what feels good and discard the rest. 
 
When you feel the man you love stalling or pulling away then you can activate your 
feminine energy by expressing a combination of SPACE and SOFTNESS. You can give 
your guy a little space to work out what he wants, while you continue to invest in 
yourself and live your amazing life. However, this must be combined with softness so 
that when you are with him, or he contacts you, you respond with warmth. If you give 
him space without softness, this can be perceived by your man as cold; he will feel like 
he has been frozen out and it will make him feel unsafe to be with you. It is natural to 
shut down emotionally when we feel distance with our man, or in the relationship, but 
now is the time to keep your heart open. Stay soft and open to him and let him find his 
way back to you. 
 
When you are in your feminine energy you are inviting a deep heart-to-heart 
connection with your guy. Be authentic and let your man see who you really are. You can 
invite a man to experience what it feels like to be you, in your feminine world. This 
brings a man in really close and increases attraction. Express how you are feeling about 
all of your experiences and the things going on in your life by using your feeling 
statements. Don’t just state the facts, paint a picture of your world and give him a 
glimpse of the sensual world of womankind. This is so magical and inviting to a man, he 
is bound to want to stay. Ignoring your own feelings, or not understanding the 
‘landscape’ of your feelings will subtly push a man away. It is important foryour man to 
see that you love and accept yourself before he will believe that you love and accept him. 
This is the difference between trying to force a commitment from him and being 
magnetic, so that he is drawn to you like a moth to a flame. 
 
It is possible to quickly shift your vibe into feminine energy at any time. Get 
grounded by breathing deeply and, if you can, by connecting with nature. This can be as 
simple as gazing at the sky through your window. Let your body relax and let tension 
melt away. Lean back, away from your guy. You can even turn your feet away from him 
107 
 
depending on the situation. Imagine your heart opening, blossoming like a flower and 
shining the beautiful emerald green light of the heart chakra. Finally, relax your yoni – 
the area of the female sexual organs. Invite a feeling of light and spaciousness into this 
area if it helps. Practise this often, when you are on your own and when you are in the 
company of men. This is a simple way to connect to your goddess energy and you will 
instantly become much more inviting and magnetic. The man you are with will want to 
lean forward to fill the energetic and physical gap that you have created. He will sense 
the energetic shift in you as you relax, and it will invite him closer. 
 
Often a woman will create a hard ‘shell’ on the outside to prevent a man from 
hurting her. This defence mechanism may have been built up over a long time and is 
very common if we have been hurt in the past. However, the hard outer shell stops a 
man from getting close and committing to us; it simply isn’t possible because the energy 
of this is so masculine. To inspire a man to commit, we must be soft, warm and inviting 
on the outside so that he can get close to the real, authentic you. The secret is to have 
your hard shell or strong boundaries on the inside. You can easily learn to get in touch 
with your boundaries by tuning into your intuition and your feelings rather than 
listening to your mind. Start saying ‘yes’ to what feels good and ‘no’ to what doesn’t feel 
good. Women are often scared to tell a man ‘no’ if something doesn’t feel in alignment 
with her, but a man actually responds very well when we do. Our ‘no’, or our boundary, 
creates a framework for him to work within; this creates a deep sense of safety in a man 
which inspires him to draw closer to you. Remember, a guy wants to know that he can 
make you happy, so when you are clear about your boundaries, he will respond 
positively to this ‘structure’. Essentially, you are giving your guy a clear map towards 
your happiness and he will know that he won’t accidentally hurt you. When a guy has a 
roadmap to your happiness and feels very safe to become close to you, it will naturally 
inspire his commitment. 
 
Commitment is a natural progression in a relationship with a healthy, masculine 
man who is right for you. Be dedicated to developing your relationship with yourself and 
you will find that a committed relationship will be the result of your efforts. Make the 
shift into your feminine energy and connect with the man you love from a place that is 
self-assured, from a place where you can trust yourself, and life, to support you and 
bring you what is in alignment with your good. In this way you can avoid accidentally 
pursuing a man and, instead, inspire your man to create lasting commitment to you and 
your future together as a couple. 
 
 
 
 
 
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Conclusion 
 
If there is one thing I would love you to take away from this book, it is for you to 
make the empowering decision to never again accept crumbs – not when you can bake 
yourself a whole cake! Don’t walk around as though there is something missing. Nothing 
is missing. You are enough. There is no better feeling than when you fully download 
your own enoughness. When you shed the empty feeling in your heart and begin to feel 
your own love cup filling up. So much confidence comes from knowing that you have 
everything you need, in any situation. It feels amazing! No longer do you feel empty, 
always reaching your energy outwards, trying to grab onto something or someone ‘out 
there’ in an attempt to fix your own brokenness. Nothing is broken. You are whole and 
complete, just as you are. You cannot fix something that isn’t broken. There is nothing to 
fix. 
 
The journey to wholeness is about remembering what you have forgotten long ago; 
that you are perfect, loving and loveable. If this feeling seems out of reach, please know 
that it is waiting there patiently for you to uncover it and, when you do, there is no 
feeling like it! Your own enoughness sits in wait, hoping that you will rediscover the 
truth of who you are. This is what it means to be empowered. When your own love cup is 
full you know that you can trust yourself completely. That you have your own back and 
are the warrior for your own values. You can be your authentic version of yourself. You 
do not need to twist yourself into a pretzel to be somebody else’s ideal. What is your 
ideal? Who are you really? Let your light shine and you will illuminate the way for 
others. 
 
Love can heal you but it is Universal Love, the powerful energy force of the universe, 
that is available to you and that you can connect to at any time. Let this love flood your 
life and everything will manifest in love and grace. Romantic love is just the icing on the 
cake to all the love you can give yourself. So often, we are looking for someone to give us 
what we are unable to give ourselves. We want someone else to cherish us, to tell us we 
are special and amazing. We want someone else to recognise our magic. But I am here to 
say RECOGNISE YOUR OWN MAGIC. If you do not love yourself first, then your 
beloved literally cannot love you. It is impossible. 
 
Let yourself be guided on a journey towards dissolving the blocks to love that you 
have created to protect yourself. This protection is actually a barrier which separates you 
from love. When the barriers come down, then love will rush in. Like attracts like and 
love attracts love. When you are open to love, it will rush towards the energy of love you 
are expressing and be pulled towards you like a magnet. The answer always lies in love; 
love is what heals our abandonment wounds, love is what heals our shadow selves and 
109 
 
our fears, love is what makes us whole, love is the currency of the universe. Let the 
thoughts you think be loving. Let the words you speak be loving. Let the actions you take 
be loving. When you make your life a devotion to love, you will begin to live a more 
rewarding and enriching existence on every level and, in so doing, you will ultimately 
meet your beloved. 
 
The universe has a partner already chosen for you, and this man is the Divine 
Selection. The man who the universe intends for you will not identify you as an option, 
but as THE OPTION. You are not one of many, you are one of one. Stop identifying 
yourself as an option and know your worth. So many of our troubles in love are a result 
of us fighting the Divine Plan the universe has for us. There is no need for us to struggle 
or to live in fear. The universe is always trying to bring you your good. Your only job is to 
keep your heart open to receive it. It may feel like it is complicated, but it is actually 
simple. Make it a daily practice to stay open to all the love and opportunities that the 
universe has to offer and you will be rewarded. 
 
The Law of Attraction is a three step formula; Ask * Believe * Receive. Many people 
find they can make vision boards and meditate regularly to call in their soulmate, but 
without the success they desire. This can be very frustrating, and it is no coincidence 
that the last part of the word ‘attraction’ is ACTION. It is true that we must first be in 
spiritual alignment with what we want, but after this must come action. It’s time to get 
up off the meditation cushion, or the couch, and show the power of your beliefby taking 
risks and making changes in the 3D world we all live in. You must demonstrate the love 
you have for yourself through your actions in your daily life. This could mean setting 
boundaries with someone to show your standards, doing something new and out of your 
comfort zone or expressing the energy of love in your interactions with those around 
you. You are no longer lost on the journey, you have a well-defined path and the way is 
clear. Get up every day, keep focused, express love and try new things. The secret to 
success is a blending of your spiritual practice (setting your intention, visualising and 
believing) and taking action. Belief without action isn’t really belief. When you really 
believe in something, there is so much energy behind your conviction that you can’t help 
but take action on your belief. Action is belief made manifest. You are less likely to meet 
the man of your dreams if you live in a remote place and work from home. And likewise, 
you are unlikely to meet a man with your spiritual ideals at a dive bar. It could happen 
but you are sending a much more powerful message to the universe by getting yourself 
out there, involving yourself in things you are passionate about and spending time in 
places where you love to be. The universe loves physical demonstrations of your beliefs 
and it makes you magnetic to miracles. I like to call these ‘common sense actions’ 
because it makes good sense to do them. 
 
There is a second part to this action orientation - follow your intuition. I can’t tell 
you how many times someone has shared with me the story of how they met their 
soulmate and how it involved them following their intuition. You may resonate more 
with the concept of a ‘gut feeling’ or a hunch, but either way we are always receiving 
110 
 
little prods from universal intelligence to help us on our journey. The thing with these 
hunches is that they defy logical intelligence. Your intuition may tell you to stop at that 
cute café with the lovely awning, but your mind tells you that you don’t have time! Your 
mind tells you to take that job with the great pay check but your intuition is telling you 
that hell lies on the other side of payday with that company. We are always being guided 
in the right direction by our hunches or intuition – learn to listen to them because they 
open the door to being in the flow of life; always being in the right place at the right 
time, having ‘chance’ encounters with amazing people and meeting the Divine Selection. 
Practise trusting your intuition; it is a natural force in all of us, but as we have entered 
into the technological era, we have been encouraged to prioritise the logical mind over 
our hunches. This is a mistake and robs us of the most powerful tool to help us manifest 
beautiful experiences and the opportunity to live in Right Alignment. Listening to your 
intuition is about learning to trust; trust yourself and trust the universe to take care of 
you and lead you to your good. 
 
Consider then, the words of Rumi who said ‘what you seek is seeking you’. Your 
soulmate has a little part of you in them and you have a little part of them in you. This is 
how you recognise each other when you meet. It is like the Yin and Yang symbol that 
you may be familiar with; the dark side has a white ‘eye’ and the light side has a dark 
‘eye’. Your soulmate wants to find you, just as much as you want to find him. Let go of 
the idea that you are searching for your soulmate, or looking for a needle in a haystack. 
 
As you work on yourself, your beloved will be there somewhere in the world, 
mirroring your own inner work, until eventually you cannot help but be drawn into each 
other’s orbit. Real love is not drama or crumbs, it is peaceful. It feels like coming home. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
111 
 
Resources 
 
Toxic relationships and Narcissism 
Inner Integration YouTube 
Lisa Romano YouTube 
 
Guided Meditations 
www.lumieretarot.com 
 
Femininity and the Divine Feminine 
Flourishing Goddess YouTube 
 
Co-dependency 
Co-dependent No More by Melanie Beattie 
The Language of Letting Go by Melanie Beattie 
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith 
 
Inner Child Healing 
Home Coming by John Bradshaw 
Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh 
 
Self Esteem 
The Power is Within You by Louise Hay 
You are a Badass by Jen Sincero 
The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight 
 
Manifestation & the Law of Attraction 
A Course in Miracles Made Easy by Alan Cohen 
The Law of Attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks 
 
Decluttering and Living Simply 
The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo (also on Netflix) 
Heal Your Living YouTube 
Rachel Aust – minimalism series YouTube 
Fairyland Cottage YouTube 
 
 
http://www.lumieretarot.com/
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