BDSM slave training - submissive vs slave

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The difference between a submissive and a slave is not always clear cut and is often the subject 
of controversy within the lifestyle. In general, a submissive maintains a certain distance from her 
Master and retains some freedoms and a slave gives her all as well as her freedoms to her Master.
This discussion is about what elements make a submissive or a slave. They may not necessarily 
agree with what a person calls themselves. Often one finds individuals that call themselves a 
slave, when a submissive would be a better title and sometimes one sees a person described as a 
submissive that is more akin to a slave. I am not sure that the term Total Power Exchange (TPE) 
can be applied to a consensual slave. In normal cases, it seems impossible to have a TPE in a real
world non forced slavery relationship and it is unusual in forced slavery cases. TPE seems to 
involve fantasy more than reality. In a true TPE relationship, it would mean that any order a 
Dominant could think of would have to be obeyed by the slave without question. For example, A 
Master could say, "I hate my neighbor, go get a gun and shoot him".
Like it or not in the real world there are restrictions on TPE. Very often the following restrictions, 
what some would call ethical boundaries, are a reality of a Master/slave relationship and are often 
documented in the slave contract. The slave does not have to obey commands that:
• Conflict with any existing laws and may lead to fines, arrest, or prosecution of the slave
• May cause extreme damage to slave’s life, such as losing her job, causing family stress, 
etc
• May cause permanent bodily harm to the slave
• May cause psychological trauma to the slave, such as a rape scene for a slave that has 
been raped in the past
In my opinion, these restrictions placed on the authority of a Master do not weaken the Master/
slave relationship, but reflect the reality of modern life. This is not a new concept in slave 
ownership because in the past many societies that endorsed slavery had restrictions on how a 
slave could be treated by the owner. One can look in the Bible to see examples of these
restrictions. In the 1850’s a famous case in Polk County, TN involved the prosecution of a Master 
that mistreated his slaves. So the concept of TPE is not necessarily realistic in the modern 
concept of consensual slavery or in forced slavery.
Today, slavery within the lifestyle has NO relationship to the forced slavery of the past. Any slave 
can, if she chooses, execute her free will and leave the relationship, this is a reality. Yes, the 
objective is to train the slave to where she emotionally needs her Master and is attached to him 
and her slavery to a point where leaving her Master is unthinkable, but many Master/slave 
relationships end. Many end at the slave’s request instead of the Master's request. So, any 
discussion of slave vs. submissive must be within the framework of the above restrictions 
imposed by modern life. A submissive obeys and serves by choosing to do so each time and 
retains her will. A slave initially makes a choice to obey her Master at all times and then submits to 
the will of her Master at all times.
A submissive accepts submission, while a slave accepts obedience.
In my opinion, a submissive retains freedom of choice and a slave gives her freedom of choice to 
her Master. A submissive makes a choice to give her submission in a limited fashion, for a defined 
period of time and under certain conditions. A submissive can have a long-term relationship with 
a Master, but still retains certain controls. However, many are satisfied with casual role-play 
without any long-term goals. Training may or may not be involved between a Dominant and a 
submissive.
A submissive often has a list of conditions, rules, and limits that a Dominant is required to agree to 
before entering a session or relationship. These conditions, rules and limits usually define time, 
place and activity. It is not unusual for a submissive to start the relationship with rules and limits 
and release some or all of them as trust, respect and love for her Master grows. In fact, it’s a good 
practice when starting any new relationship. One should enter the relationship by giving only the 
amount of power that she feels safe in giving. The decision to become a slave should be 
postponed until both the Dominant and submissive know each other and trust each other.
A submissive can and often does role-play during an agreed to period of time with a Master. 
During this period the Master may have total control, then once the period is over, control
returns to the submissive. The Master only borrows control of the submissive and to the extent 
the submissive wishes and she controls her submission.
One definition of a slave vs. a submissive is based upon the focus of the submissive. If the focus 
is on self then you are a submissive, if the focus is on your Master, then you are a slave. I am not 
sure that this is a complete definition for each one, however it is one dividing line between the 
two.
Being a submissive does not always involve:
1. A long-term commitment
2. Devotion to a Master
3. Obedience
4. Focus on the needs and desires of a Master
Again, there is no need to rush into slavery. One should start out as a submissive and get to know 
and trust her Master first. slavery is not for all submissives. If a submissive is unable or unwilling 
to accept slavery, for what ever reason, that is no great crime. Each person has to determine their
needs and focus within the lifestyle.
slavery calls for a higher level of commitment and of serving, obeying and pleasing than 
submission. slavery is the complete commitment of a slave’s body, mind, soul, and spirit. She 
submits to the will of her Master. His choices become her choices. Obedience is a major focus in 
her life.
A slave has made a "choice decision." The "choice decision” she makes is to give her choices to 
her Master. Consent and obedience are always assumed to be part of slavery. Communication, 
mutual understanding and trust grow to the point to where it is no longer play but part of her life. 
A slave is owned all the time by her Master regardless of time, place or activity. She is owned by 
her Master when she is out of his presence. Trust in her Master and surrender to him is the
starting point to slavery.
slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is slavery by choice, not forced 
slavery. She decides to give her freedoms to her Master. She becomes a slave because she
needs, desires and wants to serve, obey and please her Master at all times and in all ways, not 
because she is forced into slavery. Of course, there will be times when a slave will be forced to do 
some things, but it will not be something that goes against who she is as a person. Master’s often 
push limits and expand obedience in order to help a slave grow and increase her service to him. 
slaves become accustom to obedience and find joy and peace in it. A successful Master/slave 
relationship always involves happiness.
Being a slave means you are willing to be molded to fit her Master’s needs and to serve him. A 
slave is re-socialized and re-educated by her Master to serve, obey and please him. Her
attention is on his happiness.
A Master is responsible for the needs and happiness of a slave. She gives him authority over her 
needs and happiness. However, a slave is responsible to communicate those needs
and feelings. The limits of the Master become the limits of the slave. This does not happen 
overnight, it is a process of growing into slavery.
A slave does NOT give up thinking and reasoning and become mindless. This is the biggest 
misconception of slavery. It is a false charge that has been leveled at slaves mostly by cybersubs
and part time players as self-justification for their lack of total commitment. If a cyber-sub can 
make a slave look
mindless then she can justify why she is betterthan a totally committed slave and supplies a 
reason why she calls herself a submissive. She reasons that "Naturally a good Master would
not want a mindless slave, they surely would want a thinking cyber-sub instead." It’s a late 
addition to lifestyle thinking and only stated by some submissives. Generally, well informed
submissives that feel secure in the lifestyle don’t try to blast slaves. It’s usually "wannabes."
One never hears a knowledgeable Master refer to a slave as mindless, because he knows better. 
He also knows that she is more straightforward and much more useful than any cybersub.
Often a slave is given great responsibilities within the relationship. They are given a general 
framework of limits and direction and expected to act within them using their own resources and 
abilities. A slave is often asked to express her thoughts on issues or problems, but realizes that 
the final decision is always her Master’s. The decision made by her Master becomes absolute for 
her.
Most slaves use their skills and talents within the Master/slave relationship to advance it and the 
wellbeing of their lifestyle. Most Master’s encourage this. Often Masters feel more at ease in using 
a slave to manage a project than they would a submissive. Throughout history slaves have been 
given responsibilities that require thought, planning and decision making, there is no reason to 
discontinue this practice in modern times where there is consensual slavery instead of forced 
slavery. Consensual slavery involves devotion, caring and obedience, why not take advantage of 
these traits in a slave as well as her knowledge and skills.
As stated above, the word "doormat" is often used by wannabes and cyber-subs to describe 
slaves. My definition of "doormat" would be that of a person that is used by another person for 
their own benefit without regard for that persons feelings, growth, or well being. A Master 
assumes responsibility for his slave’s body and well-being and is always concerned about the 
development and mental well being of his slave. She is his property and he has no reason 
to destroy his property. In fact, he has a great interest in her development. Percentage wise, who 
is more likely to be used as a "doormat", a slave or a submissive that has a casual meeting with a 
Dominant?
One often hears "A slave has NO voice in the relationship.” This is another misconception of 
slavery. Often, a Master with common sense will seek the opinion of a slave before making a 
decision in many areas. It’s impossible to find a slave that does not have more knowledge in some 
areas than does her Master. In areas where she has experience, knowledge and training, it would 
be foolish for him not to seek her advice before reaching a decision. In addition, it’s often better to
bounce your ideas off someone else before reaching a final decision. A good slave will welcome 
the chance to aid her Master by offering an intelligent opinion. A slave has input into many of the 
decision making processes that are required in life, but the Master makes the final decision.
slavery is NOT an escape from life. Past, present and future problems don’t magically disappear 
into the night never to be seen again. For example, past credit card debts don’t disappear, but a 
Master may plan repayment and place his slave on a budget. slavery is a completion of a slave’s 
natural feelings and needs, not an escape.
A slave enjoys submission and, over time, that submission becomes deep enough to elicit 
feelings of being owned or fully controlled by her Master. Not all submissives become slaves,
but all slaves are submissive.
slavery always requires a long-term commitment by the slave to her Master and she is owned at 
all times. slavery always requires obedience. A friend in response to reading a draft of this article 
stated in an email to me that she didn't know how many people start out as slaves, but in her 
opinion it is a process of "becoming a slave." One starts as a submissive and over time grows into 
slavery. I fully agree with this statement.
There appears to be no right or wrong way, one can be a slave or submissive. It depends on the 
needs and desires of the individuals involved. Some Masters don't want a slave and some don't 
want a submissive. In addition, depending on the personality of the person, some submissives will 
never be a slave and some slaves would never be happy as a submissive. It is a choice that one 
must make in their life.